FIC update! You Can Ride My Broomstick Any Day, Harry. (Snarry!)
So, in honour of my finding this highly appropriate (and amusing):
I hereby present the muchly-overdue, possibly long-awaited (?) ALL NEW SHINY CHAPTER SIX OF "YOU CAN RIDE MY BROOMSTICK ANY DAY, HARRY".
Are you excited? (Hah.) I'm a little. Mostly anxious, because I hope this chapter goes over well. Its mostly silly and hardly moves the plot along, but it does help to bring the characters and timelines in sync. :D
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
And now, finally written about six months later,
Chapter Six: Very Good Sidekicks
It's going to be a very long day, Harry sighed to himself.
It had begun with him being awakened from the midst of an entirely pleasant dream, one that left him making excuses to Ron as to why he was taking so damn long to get up.
“I am up,” Harry had growled at last, wishing that it wasn’t much too true for his liking. “I am very much up.”
Ron had finally seemed to get the hint, as he had snorted in amusement before trotting down to breakfast with Hermione.
“He’s handling a problem,” Harry heard Ron say to Hermione outside their door. “He’ll be down soon enough.”
“Oh dear,” Hermione said, sounding anxious. “Should we be leaving him alone then? Does he need our help?”
Ron, trying very hard not to laugh, had then said, “No, no, I don’t think he’d want us involved. Anyhow, I suspect it’s a very small problem.”
Harry vowed very solemnly to hex Ronald Weasley the next time he saw him.
For the moment, he settled himself to dealing with the matter at hand.
Goddamn double entendres, he groaned, as he slid a fist down into his pants.
The memory of his stirring dream came back to him: long dark hair brushing his skin; soft lips trailing over his body; slim, elegant fingers stroking him; and a rich, deep voice murmuring his name…
*****
“Harry Potter!”
Harry jerked, coming back to reality as his wide green eyes locked onto narrowed onyx ones. Uncomfortably familiar eyes, at that. Gods, no…
“P-Professor Snape!”
“Very good, Potter. I’m glad to see you’ve mastered my name.” The man in question raised a dark eyebrow and - swayed? Harry took a good look at his professor.
Merlin, is he drunk again?
“Yes, Sir,” Harry nodded cautiously. The effects of his prank would have worn out by now, so he didn’t quite dare to provoke the man.
However, this was not a problem.
Because apparently, Snape had decided to be the provocative one.
“Hmm. ‘Yes, Sir’? Yes, yes, that’s good. Keep practicing that, Potter. It’ll come in useful one day, if I have my way with you.” He leveled Harry with a slightly unfocused smirk. “Now please step aside, you’re blocking the corridor.”
There was at least two feet on either side of Harry, but he suddenly realized that he had been daydreaming in the middle of the hallway. Obligingly he stepped aside.
“The next time you so callously obstruct a walkway, I’ll have to punish you, Potter.” Another smirk crossed Snape’s face. “Of course, you just might enjoy it.”
Harry gaped at his very obviously drunk Potions professor, and blushed.
“That’s a fetching look on you, Potter. Now, be off with you, then. I have a meeting to attend. Damn Albus and his cockamamie schemes.”
And then he had strutted off, occasionally bobbing from side to side, leaving a very confused - and embarrassingly aroused- Harry Potter in his wake.
Let’s face it - I’m officially insane. Who else on earth would get a hard-on from Snape? Especially a drunk Snape who was berating and - waitaminute, did he just flirt with me?
Thoughts flooded his head and blood flooded his groin at the prospect.
No! No more fantasizing about him, he told himself firmly, especially when walking down to breakfast, as he hurried off to the nearest bathroom for the second time in an hour, adjusting his robes as he went.
Oh yeah. It’s definitely going to be a very long day, he sighed again, as he zipped himself up and washed his hands.
The very-long-ness of his day continued with Hermione fretting over him the instant he walked into the hall, while an unrepentant Ron failed in stifling his laughter.
“Harry! Are you alright? You took absolute ages to finally come, I was about to go and look for you - I know Ron says its just a small matter, but I mean, if it took you so long to deal with the problem, it must have been pretty hard,” Hermione said in a rush, looking Harry over anxiously.
Harry smiled reassuringly at her, even as he wanted to hit his head on the table for all of her unintended puns. Actually, no - he wanted to hit Ron, who was now full out chortling.
“Yeah, I’d say it must have been hard, mate,” Ron laughed.
Harry glared at his supposed best friend and renewed his vow.
“Was it really, Harry?” Hermione asked, looking at him with wide, innocent eyes. Harry flushed, which she seemed to take as a yes. “Oh, well, I don’t mean to sound like a blowhard, but why didn’t you just ask me to help? I mean, I normally get right to the root of the problem and solve it, don’t I? I think I would have done a good job -”
“Hermione, for the love of all things holy, please do not continue,” Harry cut her off pleadingly. Taking in her hurt look, he hastily added, “You’re absolutely right of course, you’re the smartest of us all, I just - I suppose I don’t want to feel bad for not asking you.”
“Oh, Harry,” Hermione sighed affectionately. “You should always just ask when you have a problem. Ron and I are always here to help you, arent we, Ron?”
Ron choked on his own laughter. “Whazzit? Ugh. Uh, I mean, yeah. Yeah, mate. We’re here to help. Just, you know. Within limits.”
Harry saw his opportunity to wreak a little vengeance. “Limits?” he repeated innocently.
Hermione smacked Ron on the shoulder. “Ron! We don’t put limits on our helping Harry!” And to Harry she continued, “We’ll do anything and everything to help you, Harry.”
“Thank you, Hermione,” Harry smiled sweetly at her. “So if anything like this morning ever comes up again-?”
“Oh, of course. And if it happens early and I’m not around, just ask Ron, he’ll be glad to help, wont you, Ron?” Hermione edged her voice with a silent threat.
Ron was turning a funny shade of purple as he choked out, “Erkh. Sure. I’d be…glad.”
“That’s great, Ron!” Harry grinned, ignoring his friend’s evil eyeballing. “I’ll be sure to call on you the next time anything like this arises.”
As Ron fell face down into his porridge, Harry felt a sudden thrill of joy.
Well. The day is looking up after all.
In the afternoon, he had gone with Ron and Hermione out onto the grounds for a tea picnic to relax, except that for reasons unknown, Draco Malfoy had decided to follow them out and was rather blatantly watching them. More specifically, watching Harry. And there was a look in his eyes that made Harry uncomfortable.
“Is there something wrong with me today?” he asked anxiously, fiddling with the knot of his tie, rendering it askew. Hermione tsked at him and smacked his hand away before reaching up and adjusting it.
“Yes, your tie is mangled, let me get it for you - Harry, stop it, let me - Harry!” Hermione threw her arms up in frustration. “Fine. Walk around with your horribly knotted tie, see if I care.”
“Thersh noching rongh wiff oo, ‘arree,” Ron said through a mouthful of egg-and-salmon sandwich. He ignored Hermione’s wails that she was stuck with such uncouth males, really, hadn’t they any decency at all, answering Harry’s original question instead.
Hermione made one final attempt to fix Harry’s tie. “Just let me get that - no, stop fiddling - Harry - argh!” She sighed heavily and resigned herself to taking delicate bites out of her own tuna sandwich.
Ron smiled a eggy smile. “Well, maybe your tie is a little crooked.”
Hermione made a distinctive choking noise around her food.
Harry frowned, narrowing his eyes at the figure leaning on a nearby tree. “Is that why Malfoy’s staring at me? Am I offending his delicate fashion sense or something?”
Ron snorted, and a small bit of pink fish landed in Hermione’s hair. “Sorhry, ‘ermyohn,” he mumbled to the aggrieved girl, picking out the salmon. “Oo nyows, mate.” He swallowed, much to Hermione’s relief, and chuckled. “Maybe he’s interested in you.”
There was a brief moment of silence, where they all stared at each other, contemplating the possibility. Then another moment of silence, in which they all simultaneously turned to face Draco Malfoy. Who was dressed impeccably in undoubtedly finely-tailored clothes with his hair perfectly styled to be casually elegant, and who was indeed staring appraisingly at Harry. One more moment of silence where they glanced at each other again. Finally, they all avoided looking each other in the eye and attempted to dispel the notion - rather unconvincingly.
“Of course not,” Hermione said briskly to her sandwich, although it was very weak.
“There’s no way,” Harry protested feebly, cleaning his glasses.
“I was just joking,” Ron mumbled into his goblet of pumpkin juice.
They all resumed their picnic awkwardly. Near the end of it, Hermione stood up and announced she was going to the library, then told Harry he was going with her.
“What?” Harry blinked, looking at her in bewilderment. “But - its Saturday, Hermione. And Ron and I never get started on homework till Sunday evening.”
“Don’t get her started, mate,” Ron hissed urgently.
“Yes, don’t get me started on that,” Hermione glowered. “But this isnt for homework. I was wondering about those spells you did the other day for the -” She glanced at Malfoy and lowered her voice. “The prank.”
“Oh,” Harry sighed. “That.”
“Oh, that! Brilliant. As I have absolutely nothing to do with it, I will remain here and finish our meal,” Ron declared cheerfully.
“Thanks so much, Ron,” Harry said dryly. “Great support you are.”
“Oh, alright then. Hermione, leave him alone. He deserves to rest, the poor old boy. What with saving the world many times over and all that.” Ron said flippantly.
Harry brought his hands to his temples.
“You know, Potter, you do a good impression of Professor Snape,” an all-too-familiar voice said.
“Good day to you too, Malfoy,” Harry greeted pointedly. “Nice of you to interrupt our conversation without so much as a hello.”
Draco waved him off. “Greetings like that are so…commonplace.”
“Yes, because its common practice,” said Ron. “Perhaps you’ve heard of the term ‘good manners’?”
“Yes. I just don’t believe in them,” Draco said pleasantly.
“I’m not surprised.”
Draco ignored him to look at Harry again. “So, Potter, what are your sidekicks saying to you, that make you do such a wonderful impersonation of my esteemed godfather?”
“What?” Harry blinked.
“We’re not his sidekicks,” Hermione muttered almost inaudibly, but they all heard her.
“Yes you are.” Draco smiled patronizingly.
“We kind of are,” Ron shrugged.
“You’re very good sidekicks,” Harry mumbled appreciatively.
Hermione’s eye twitched. She chose to ignore it.
“Who did you say your godfather was?” she asked Draco instead.
“Severus? Professor Snape. Perhaps you’ve seen him? Tall, dark, billowing, glares like he hasn’t had sex in years - well, that’s probably true, actually - and -”
“I’ve always wondered how long exactly it’d been,” Hermione said thoughtfully.
“I don’t want to think about him having sex,” Ron sighed and made a face. “Or think about you thinking about him having sex.”
“Well, I would think he’d be good at it,” Draco spoke up, watching Harry carefully as he said this. “Or he would have been back when he used to have it.”
Harry coughed, turning an interesting shade of crimson.
“Eurgh,” Ron shuddered. “I don’t want to know how you know, Malfoy.”
“Well, he’s so damn meticulous about Potions, do you think he’d be any less so with sex?” Hermione pointed out, earning a horrified squeak from Ron. “I bet the foreplay would be amazing.”
“And he does have very large hands,” Harry murmured.
Ron clapped his hands over his ears and began to rock back and forth. “I did not hear that I did not hear that I did not hear that I did not -”
“Oh, for goodness’ sakes, Ron.” Hermione rolled her eyes, which stopped halfway then snapped to Harry. “Wait - Harry - did you say what I think I heard you say?”
“Erk,” went Harry, who suddenly realized his faux pas.
“If it was that Severus has very large hands, then I heard it too,” Draco volunteered.
“Agh.”
“-did not hear that I did not hear -”
“Oh, for - Ron! Do shut up.”
“Now, why on earth are you noticing how large Severus’ hands are, Potter?”
Much to his horror, Harry felt his mouth open and heard himself respond, “Well, you know what they say about guys with large hands, and -” Shut it! His brain yelled, and his mouth finally obeyed, only opening again to deliver a choked, “Nyaag.”
He blinked at them anxiously.
Ron looked suspiciously like he was about to vomit slugs. Hermione looked like she didn’t know whether to laugh or be horrified. And Draco…
Draco looked positively delighted.
*****
Chapter Seven!
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