sucking at life...
so, ive come to the conclusion, i suck at life. with a little help from a nice letter from the music admissions person at oakland who sent me a letter in translation that says
dear jennifer penn,
even though you were only auditioning for scholarship and you were already admitted last year to our program, after this last audition, we feel you suck and we are revoking your admittance. if you would like to audition AGAIN in how bout, 8 days...feel free.
we suck ass
Mike Mitchell
so after reading that, crying for a bit...all i could do is think and i came to this conclusion. the only thing i was ever good at was music. i suck at every subject, i can barely read, so unless i wanna clean for the rest of my life, i really have no career. music has been doing nothing but bringin me down since i started in college. i feel like shit next to every macomber, voice lessons are the worst half hour of the week cuz i can hear myself getting worse, i failed theory 1! theory! yup. so why am i gonna try to spend the next 4 years getting a degree in something thats just pissing me off everyday.
besides career. im so indecisive its not even funny. i feel like i am absolutly in love with one person, on the other end of the world, who im sitting here as an 18 year old girl waiting for him as if we have been together forever. im not saying he better ask me to marry him, but why am i waiting here for 4 years unless it actually is going to happen. besides the fact that i like him wayyy too much to not do so..but then theres someone on the other side who lately has been tearing me apart just because i keep having feelings for him. im trying to ignore them, but they keep coming back...and though me and the one on the other line are not technical, i still feel like i cant go out with anyone, because i know hes not going out with anyone over there. ive talked to him once online in the past 2 weeks...thats too hard.
so im sitting here with no future and this may sound wayy over dramatic, this i know...but! its whats been running through my head since i opened that fucking letter! grroar.
no point.
dear jennifer penn,
even though you were only auditioning for scholarship and you were already admitted last year to our program, after this last audition, we feel you suck and we are revoking your admittance. if you would like to audition AGAIN in how bout, 8 days...feel free.
we suck ass
Mike Mitchell
so after reading that, crying for a bit...all i could do is think and i came to this conclusion. the only thing i was ever good at was music. i suck at every subject, i can barely read, so unless i wanna clean for the rest of my life, i really have no career. music has been doing nothing but bringin me down since i started in college. i feel like shit next to every macomber, voice lessons are the worst half hour of the week cuz i can hear myself getting worse, i failed theory 1! theory! yup. so why am i gonna try to spend the next 4 years getting a degree in something thats just pissing me off everyday.
besides career. im so indecisive its not even funny. i feel like i am absolutly in love with one person, on the other end of the world, who im sitting here as an 18 year old girl waiting for him as if we have been together forever. im not saying he better ask me to marry him, but why am i waiting here for 4 years unless it actually is going to happen. besides the fact that i like him wayyy too much to not do so..but then theres someone on the other side who lately has been tearing me apart just because i keep having feelings for him. im trying to ignore them, but they keep coming back...and though me and the one on the other line are not technical, i still feel like i cant go out with anyone, because i know hes not going out with anyone over there. ive talked to him once online in the past 2 weeks...thats too hard.
so im sitting here with no future and this may sound wayy over dramatic, this i know...but! its whats been running through my head since i opened that fucking letter! grroar.
no point.