(no subject)
Today's my birthday and I'm... not really doing anything. Which is nice. I had to work yesterday and it was exhausting, as some days are, and I went out for dinner and drinks afterwards. Other than that not too much going on. I'm watching the Eagles who FUCK!! just gave up the lead on their playoff game. UGH. Come on Eagles win this game, dammit. That would be a good birthday gift.
Nothing else is going on. I'm still adjusting to work... even after nearly 5 months of doing this. It goes in spurts of being really wonderful and rewarding and then there are those days that I look at the specialty I've picked and wonder why the hell anyone would willingly spend their days helping people through the life sucker that is cancer. (Can you tell what kind of day yesterday was? It was the bad kind.) But the thing is I have the bad days and then I get time off and I can go back with new eyes and it's worth it again. Or I have to go back the next day and it's a better day and I feel like I'm doing the right thing.
Also I have to wonder how much of it is to do with oncology and how much of it is just being a new nurse and not knowing what I'm doing so much of the time which leads to feelings of letting my patients down. I'm a perfectionist and there hasn't been a day I've had as a nurse where I've gotten everything right and not made a mistake (big and small) and that just bugs. But that would be the same story no matter what specialty I was in.
I think it's lately I've had so many of my patients die recently. Part of what I like about oncology is that the patients have longer stays in the hospital and we really get to know them. We spend so much time talking with them and their families. We know who they are and so when they die it's like you're losing a friend.
I don't know. I'm really not as mopey as this sounds. I've had a really nice birthday and as I'm finishing this up the Eagles kicked a field goal to win the game so that's cool. :)
Nothing else is going on. I'm still adjusting to work... even after nearly 5 months of doing this. It goes in spurts of being really wonderful and rewarding and then there are those days that I look at the specialty I've picked and wonder why the hell anyone would willingly spend their days helping people through the life sucker that is cancer. (Can you tell what kind of day yesterday was? It was the bad kind.) But the thing is I have the bad days and then I get time off and I can go back with new eyes and it's worth it again. Or I have to go back the next day and it's a better day and I feel like I'm doing the right thing.
Also I have to wonder how much of it is to do with oncology and how much of it is just being a new nurse and not knowing what I'm doing so much of the time which leads to feelings of letting my patients down. I'm a perfectionist and there hasn't been a day I've had as a nurse where I've gotten everything right and not made a mistake (big and small) and that just bugs. But that would be the same story no matter what specialty I was in.
I think it's lately I've had so many of my patients die recently. Part of what I like about oncology is that the patients have longer stays in the hospital and we really get to know them. We spend so much time talking with them and their families. We know who they are and so when they die it's like you're losing a friend.
I don't know. I'm really not as mopey as this sounds. I've had a really nice birthday and as I'm finishing this up the Eagles kicked a field goal to win the game so that's cool. :)