Another wierd dream last night...
So in my dream...my husband had died. That wasn't actually in my dream, just the knowledge of it. And it was if it had happened very recently...and suddenly. And in my dream all sorts of different people I'd interacted with in my life were coming by to talk to me...to pay condolances I assume.
My dad was there with his wife and they were talking quietly about how my mom and sister hadn't come. I could tell they were trying to make sure I didn't hear...but I could.
kerrowyn and her husband came, and aintesduck and sunshinedydrm were there with their bunny, merridoe.
My ex-boyfriend from highschool was there too...with his wife, and she was mad at him for coming.
thunderslug was there too...but wouldn't talk to me, just looked at me.
aubkabob came and held my hair back away from my face....I'm not sure why she did that...and golden_lotus and his wife ministry_slut were there but they were in the corner of the room the whole time talking to someone I couldn't see...
oh...that reminds me...the room. It didn't have walls or anything....like it was a big empty space, but there was definition to the empty...like I knew where the walls and such would be if they were there. Same for furnature...there wasn't any, but I was sitting and others were too...like it wasn't there, but it was...not that it was invisable...maybe it's that in my dream those things didn't matter.
But the oddest part is through the whole dream I never interacted with anyone...I just sat and stared as they walked by or talked to me. I never cried or showed emotion...I felt like I was completely numb and yet full of extremely intense pain all at once...
I don't know how the dream ended or when it did...but my chest still hurts.
...I spent 5 extra minutes hugging my husband this morning...
So now that I've got y'all nice and cheerful...
Good Tuesday morning!
I didn't have a very good day yesterday...I got in a small confrontation with a girl I work with...
She's never really liked me, and has made that VERY clear. But lately whenever I'm joking around with other coworkers...teasing eachother and stuff...she feels free to jump right on the bandwagon saying mean things about me disguised as joking.
So yesterday she'd said quite a few things, and I just kept letting it slide....because I know she's probably just trying to instigate a fight...well, finally she said something and I'd had enough.
I turned around and had a conversation soemthing to the effect of...
Me: F, you and I don't get along well enough for me to be comfortable with you teasing me like that....
F: God, I was just joking
Me: I know, but I need you to understand that I am not comfortable with you doing that because you and I have not formed a good enough for me to be able to understand when you are and are not joking. And I know I'm probably making things worse by saying something...(if you'd have seen her face you'd understand why I said this...it was obvious she was enjoying every minute of it.)...but I really think I need you to understand where I'm coming from.
F: Well I need you to understand that I need you not to butt into things where you don't belong.
Me: Okay....um....I'm sorry if I've ever made you uncomfortable, I will make a conscience effort not to do that again, I hope you can do the same.
F: Yeah, you better.
So yeah....totally made things worse not better....because that's what I do best.
Oh...and my mom called. I hadn't sent her anything for Mother's day...(See this post for explination...)...she had to leave a voice mail because I was at work and my phone was off. She's obviously very upset that I didn't send her anything for mother's day...but I'm having a hard time with that...because mother's day is supposed to be a day for acknowledging all the things that your monther has done for you, and all the wonderful life experiances you've shared....but I really don't feel like there's much to acknowledge...it's hard for me to send someone something for mother's day when (among MANY other things) she hasn't even made a vague, passing reference to my husband's birthday for the past two years....ya know....I think this might be a separate post. In her message she said she was going to e-mail me so that she could put things into words better...I am looking forward to reading that...for the most part....more later on this I suppose.
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This has not been a cheeful post.