monsoon season
The other day I saw a fruitfly in the elevator. The two of us were alone, and I just stared at it, watching it struggle and thought, "Jesus Christ, you've completely missed it. This is not what it's all about at all for you. You're not even close to where you're supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to be doing." Then I realized I was psychoanalyzing a fucking fruit fly and discontinued my train of thought. I hope to god I'm getting at least within a reasonable proximity of the fucking mark. Whatever that is, and whoever set it.
I argued with Brian today about love. I told him he didn't get it. He disagreed. He really doesn't get it. I tried to explain that I understand that it fucking hurts, that once you experience that feeling and have it ripped away from you, how can you possibly be expected to open yourself up to it again? Why would you possibly want to? That cost-benefit analysis doesn't really pan out on the side of love. I'm there. I'm in the thick of that; I fucking get it.
But at the same time, I get that if it's worth it, if love crosses your path, and I'm talking love -- not attraction, not desire, not infatuation, but genuine love -- then how could you possibly resist it? How could you close yourself off to all the possibilities it holds? How can you completely cauterize the open wound of your heart so as to never let it bleed ever again? I mean, for awhile, sure, but there's no way that you can just turn your head and look the other way when love slaps you in the face. You have to fucking acknowledge it on some level and either accept it or knowingly and willingly turn away from it with the knowledge that you just lost a boundless future that will never come to fruition.
Does it really hurt more to say yes than it does to say no?
Kyle believes that love is like physics. I don't know if I agree, but she has this theory that if you love someone, genuinely love someone, then they have to love you back. Love opens this space in the universe, and you're powerless to ignore it, you're powerless to not be drawn to it and to reciprocate that feeling. Maybe. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and if you open yourself up to someone without guile or expectation, then it logically follows that they will reciprocate.
It's a nice thought, but the only thing truly connecting Newton to love at this point is Kyle's ass, and I've told her so. She's in the process of writing me a thesis.
God, I love my problems, and I wouldn't trade them in for anyone else's. Honest.
I argued with Brian today about love. I told him he didn't get it. He disagreed. He really doesn't get it. I tried to explain that I understand that it fucking hurts, that once you experience that feeling and have it ripped away from you, how can you possibly be expected to open yourself up to it again? Why would you possibly want to? That cost-benefit analysis doesn't really pan out on the side of love. I'm there. I'm in the thick of that; I fucking get it.
But at the same time, I get that if it's worth it, if love crosses your path, and I'm talking love -- not attraction, not desire, not infatuation, but genuine love -- then how could you possibly resist it? How could you close yourself off to all the possibilities it holds? How can you completely cauterize the open wound of your heart so as to never let it bleed ever again? I mean, for awhile, sure, but there's no way that you can just turn your head and look the other way when love slaps you in the face. You have to fucking acknowledge it on some level and either accept it or knowingly and willingly turn away from it with the knowledge that you just lost a boundless future that will never come to fruition.
Does it really hurt more to say yes than it does to say no?
Kyle believes that love is like physics. I don't know if I agree, but she has this theory that if you love someone, genuinely love someone, then they have to love you back. Love opens this space in the universe, and you're powerless to ignore it, you're powerless to not be drawn to it and to reciprocate that feeling. Maybe. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and if you open yourself up to someone without guile or expectation, then it logically follows that they will reciprocate.
It's a nice thought, but the only thing truly connecting Newton to love at this point is Kyle's ass, and I've told her so. She's in the process of writing me a thesis.
God, I love my problems, and I wouldn't trade them in for anyone else's. Honest.