Forgiveness
So I have a rough draft of my religion term paper due tomorrow and haven't even started. So of course the most natural course of action for me is to procrastinate...and here I am! What better way to get the creative juices flowing than to type out a journal entry?
Forgiveness has been on my mind a lot lately. Not necessarily forgiveness from God, but from myself, to myself. I can't forgive myself for things I've done in the past and I know that's what's causing me to dwell in the past. If i can forget and move on, I can start to heal; however, every time i remember the past I just get hurt all over again. I really want a new beginning. Not necessarily in terms of movng away or starting a new school or even a new major, boyfriend, whatever. I just want a new beginning with myself. If God can so easily forgive all of his children, billions of people who have done horrible things, why can't I forgive myself? If God can wipe everyone's slates clean, why can't I do that to myself? Then that got me thinking...there must be a reason why I can't do it--there wouldn't be a need for God! If we could forgive ourselves for our own sins, what purpose does God serve? I'm a person who likes to take matters into my own hands and will rarely ask for help (even for directions if I'm lost!), and only when I'm in dire need do I come to God. When my boyfriend broke up with me, I clung to God. When I felt better, I didn't need him anymore and I drifted away, even further than I was before. I know that I need God during hard times in my life for comfort, but not until today did I truly realize that I need him to forgive me, and in turn I can then forgive myself. When I can forgive myself, I won't be bitter anymore, and I'll be able to direct more energy into living out God's plan for my life, and glorify him in the process.
Forgiveness has been on my mind a lot lately. Not necessarily forgiveness from God, but from myself, to myself. I can't forgive myself for things I've done in the past and I know that's what's causing me to dwell in the past. If i can forget and move on, I can start to heal; however, every time i remember the past I just get hurt all over again. I really want a new beginning. Not necessarily in terms of movng away or starting a new school or even a new major, boyfriend, whatever. I just want a new beginning with myself. If God can so easily forgive all of his children, billions of people who have done horrible things, why can't I forgive myself? If God can wipe everyone's slates clean, why can't I do that to myself? Then that got me thinking...there must be a reason why I can't do it--there wouldn't be a need for God! If we could forgive ourselves for our own sins, what purpose does God serve? I'm a person who likes to take matters into my own hands and will rarely ask for help (even for directions if I'm lost!), and only when I'm in dire need do I come to God. When my boyfriend broke up with me, I clung to God. When I felt better, I didn't need him anymore and I drifted away, even further than I was before. I know that I need God during hard times in my life for comfort, but not until today did I truly realize that I need him to forgive me, and in turn I can then forgive myself. When I can forgive myself, I won't be bitter anymore, and I'll be able to direct more energy into living out God's plan for my life, and glorify him in the process.