It Got Me Thinking...
I went out with a new guy friend tonight. He seemed pretty friendly and open in a group setting, so I was pretty excited that we were going to dinner one-on-one to see who he was. And, I'll admit, I was hoping for a little chemistry.
It felt reminiscent of an interview - when interviewing a candidate for a position, it can be made obvious in five minutes or less whether that candidate is a good "organizational" fit for that position. And in that in the first five minutes of our dinner, I realized there was no chemistry to be found.
It was disappointing, but not crushing like all the times my heart pitter-patted for Cliff or Jeff. I think it's a step forward. But, I don't think that I'm ready (or entirely interested) for dating yet.
It has been a really long time since I have sat down and dreamt about a dream guy in general. For a really long time, it's been replaced by how if whoever-I'm-with can be less of whatever-annoyed-me.
It's exciting to think about thinking about what I want again. Like opening the first page of a new notebook - it's fresh, clean, and blank. I can make it whatever I want. But, then I think about that. I can't make it whatever I want. There will always be a but. And what if what I want isn't something that I've had experience with to define?
I guess that when I'm ready, I will open that door. But hopefully instead of looking for that oddball on the page I have yet to write, I am open and honest and flexible enough to find the best fit.
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