Jeni, I'm giving you the greatest gift...individuality.
Yesterday, I decided to post a bulletin on Myspace before anyone start asking why I've taken Jennifer's middle name down from my page to explain the reason.
In the beginning of our pregnancy, long before we found out the gender of the baby, we had a lengthy conversation about what we each wanted for our children's names because it's one of biggest decisions anyone will ever make...and it is not to be taken lightly 'cause it will be with our children for the rest of their lives. I told him how I strongly didn't believe in naming our children after anyone in our family 'cause obviously, both of our families are equally important to both of us, and I didn't want anyone else to feel less important, ever.
One of my friends messaged me on Myspace, and told me that she supported me in this decision. She then told me that she isn't planning to name her children after her mother and grandmother, at her grandmother's request. The reason is, her grandmother said both of their names were full of sorrow...and she didn't want to pass that onto other children. Children need their own fresh start. I completely agree with that. Thank you, Carol.
In my entire life, I've always believed in equality. I've faced a lot of discriminations as a Deaf person, as a woman, as the only daughter in the family, and as a minority. So, I've always made sure that everyone around me feel equal...that everything I'm doing is in equality. It's one of my strongest beliefs.
When Brandon's grandparents passed away during my pregnancy, and he requested for our daughter's middle name to be named after them, I was being put in the toughest spot 'cause I felt like if I said no, people would judge me...people would make me out to be this insensitive jerk, which I truly am not. I was so afraid, though, that I agreed to it. What I didn't know is that this decision would eat me...keep me from sleeping at night.... I felt so hurt by this decision because it went against my beliefs. I also felt neglected because Brandon and I originally planned to blend both of our roots into our kids' full names. We agreed that their first name would be American, German, Portguese, Dutch or even Irish, while their middle name would be an Asian name. The reason why I wanted their middle name to be an Asian name instead of first name because firsthand, I know what it feels like to have people constantly asking you how to pronounce your name...butching your name, in this country.
I've got other set of grandparents who passed away...'cause they were starved to death during the war in Cambodia. I lost all of my immediate aunts and uncles from my mother's side. I've lost some of immediate aunts and uncles from my father's side. Some of them died from illness...starvation.... They suffered greatly 'cause of Pol Pot, the leader of Cambodia back then during this terrible genocide, who have killed more people than Hilter did. Yet...I'm not naming any of my children after any of them. I love my ancestors, even if I never had a chance to meet them. I love my family (yes, including Brandon's family. They're my family, too). I was raised with this family value. But, like my friend's Grandmother said...those names were full of sorrow. I do not want to pass that onto my children. They deserve a fresh start. They deserve their own individuality. They deserve their own fate...destiny...whatever you call it.
I finally told Brandon about how I felt about the whole thing a couple of nights ago, after holding it all inside to myself for so long.
I actually started off by saying that I've considered long hard about this decision...and told him that I've decided to have my tubes tied. I didn't want to go through this again with other children in the future. That's how hurt I felt. That's how bad I felt. It was one of my biggest regrets. Every time I feel a regret, a part of my life is gone. I grew up all my life, being controlled by some people...having my decisions made for me 'cause I'm this poor disabled girl who is incapable of doing anything for herself...who doesn't know what's good for herself. Finally, I'm in control of my own life just a few years ago...now when my decisions were being ignored...I felt like I was in someone else's control once again. I even almost called off the engagement 'cause I wasn't sure if I'd want to be married to someone who didn't take my beliefs into the consideration. I've always made sure that every decision we make together has some of his beliefs as well. Compromising. I compromised by blending both of our roots/cultures together in our children's name. This way, we both would be honoring both of our cultures...our ancestors...our families all together. This way, no one in the family is left behind.
I was going to just change Jennifer's middle name unofficially, but Brandon insisted on changing it legally, after hearing my feelings and agreeing to them.
That's our reason for changing our daughter's middle name. We're dropping her middle name for now until we've chosen an Asian name for her. We do not know what it is yet.
I just hope that this decision isn't going to offend anyone else because I know that Brandon's grandparents meant so much to his family. You have to realize that there are a lot of people in my family who just means so much to me equally.... The solution to this is to have names of both of our roots...to honor all of you guys together.
In the beginning of our pregnancy, long before we found out the gender of the baby, we had a lengthy conversation about what we each wanted for our children's names because it's one of biggest decisions anyone will ever make...and it is not to be taken lightly 'cause it will be with our children for the rest of their lives. I told him how I strongly didn't believe in naming our children after anyone in our family 'cause obviously, both of our families are equally important to both of us, and I didn't want anyone else to feel less important, ever.
One of my friends messaged me on Myspace, and told me that she supported me in this decision. She then told me that she isn't planning to name her children after her mother and grandmother, at her grandmother's request. The reason is, her grandmother said both of their names were full of sorrow...and she didn't want to pass that onto other children. Children need their own fresh start. I completely agree with that. Thank you, Carol.
In my entire life, I've always believed in equality. I've faced a lot of discriminations as a Deaf person, as a woman, as the only daughter in the family, and as a minority. So, I've always made sure that everyone around me feel equal...that everything I'm doing is in equality. It's one of my strongest beliefs.
When Brandon's grandparents passed away during my pregnancy, and he requested for our daughter's middle name to be named after them, I was being put in the toughest spot 'cause I felt like if I said no, people would judge me...people would make me out to be this insensitive jerk, which I truly am not. I was so afraid, though, that I agreed to it. What I didn't know is that this decision would eat me...keep me from sleeping at night.... I felt so hurt by this decision because it went against my beliefs. I also felt neglected because Brandon and I originally planned to blend both of our roots into our kids' full names. We agreed that their first name would be American, German, Portguese, Dutch or even Irish, while their middle name would be an Asian name. The reason why I wanted their middle name to be an Asian name instead of first name because firsthand, I know what it feels like to have people constantly asking you how to pronounce your name...butching your name, in this country.
I've got other set of grandparents who passed away...'cause they were starved to death during the war in Cambodia. I lost all of my immediate aunts and uncles from my mother's side. I've lost some of immediate aunts and uncles from my father's side. Some of them died from illness...starvation.... They suffered greatly 'cause of Pol Pot, the leader of Cambodia back then during this terrible genocide, who have killed more people than Hilter did. Yet...I'm not naming any of my children after any of them. I love my ancestors, even if I never had a chance to meet them. I love my family (yes, including Brandon's family. They're my family, too). I was raised with this family value. But, like my friend's Grandmother said...those names were full of sorrow. I do not want to pass that onto my children. They deserve a fresh start. They deserve their own individuality. They deserve their own fate...destiny...whatever you call it.
I finally told Brandon about how I felt about the whole thing a couple of nights ago, after holding it all inside to myself for so long.
I actually started off by saying that I've considered long hard about this decision...and told him that I've decided to have my tubes tied. I didn't want to go through this again with other children in the future. That's how hurt I felt. That's how bad I felt. It was one of my biggest regrets. Every time I feel a regret, a part of my life is gone. I grew up all my life, being controlled by some people...having my decisions made for me 'cause I'm this poor disabled girl who is incapable of doing anything for herself...who doesn't know what's good for herself. Finally, I'm in control of my own life just a few years ago...now when my decisions were being ignored...I felt like I was in someone else's control once again. I even almost called off the engagement 'cause I wasn't sure if I'd want to be married to someone who didn't take my beliefs into the consideration. I've always made sure that every decision we make together has some of his beliefs as well. Compromising. I compromised by blending both of our roots/cultures together in our children's name. This way, we both would be honoring both of our cultures...our ancestors...our families all together. This way, no one in the family is left behind.
I was going to just change Jennifer's middle name unofficially, but Brandon insisted on changing it legally, after hearing my feelings and agreeing to them.
That's our reason for changing our daughter's middle name. We're dropping her middle name for now until we've chosen an Asian name for her. We do not know what it is yet.
I just hope that this decision isn't going to offend anyone else because I know that Brandon's grandparents meant so much to his family. You have to realize that there are a lot of people in my family who just means so much to me equally.... The solution to this is to have names of both of our roots...to honor all of you guys together.