hmmm
Ok well i've been kinda busy, soooooooooo to really quickly finish that story, I rode the quads and did jumps and fell of a million times and for the next few days I felt like I was about 95 years old (from soreness).
Today was the Amnesty Assembly. It went GREAT!!! the guest speakers came, and they were really moving.. I know that sounds cheesey, but it's so true. They stayed for the whole day and gave lectures in the classrooms. I was free one of the periods they were talking during, so I popped in and listened. Very cool.. Well, not the situation - their involvement is the cool part. Check out www.nikewages.org for their info. I can't even tell you how nervous I was. I had no idea how we were going to sound to everyone.. Was it going to reach them??
lol my dad fell asleep watching It's A Wonderful Life...... gotta turn off the following fuzz...
...How ironic... Falls asleep watching It's A Wonderful Life, when it's not always so grand.
--ok, I'm back.. he kinda woke up when i turned the TV off... he wasn't all to interested in this Wonderful Life, apparently; he went back to sleep in his chair... fine by me...
It's weird - I spent so long planning this assembly and then today I was just caught up in it, in the great response following it, that I didn't have much time to soak it all in. I've been thinking about it now though. It's so hard. I feel like such a horrible person... So much guilt. I can't help but think that I'm a spoiled bitch. I sat in my counselor's office and went through college mail to see what school I'm going to, and I lamented that I couldn't watch Rudolph on TV because we can't afford cable anymore..... and there are people who are pouring their blood, sweat, and tears so that I can wear a new shirt.... My life seems so worthless in the grand scheme of things... My petty ambitions........ I had a conversation the other day about what my dream job would be. Without hesitation I said that I wanted to be an exec in a recording industry - the one who decides which artists to sign.... How pale. How sad. How abandoning to the race of people I claim to care about. I feel so fake, so very fake. Less than human. I, who have no notion of true suffering, have the nerve to bewail the small short-comings of my life which is truly so very prosperous. I complain because I'm not trusted, while there are people who don't have fundamental human rights........... I feel so cheap. I can't concentrate on a damn thing because I keep thinking that my efforts are worthless... Each step of my life in preparation for the next... Leading to what?????? To be just like everyone else, hopelessly the same. It makes everything seem so damn unimportant. What will I ever change? Who will I ever help? It's so frustrating... shattering my own dreams - dreams I never really had in the first place! I just feel like shit.
A heaping pile of smelly, disgusting shit.
I just wanna say fuck it all, i'll drop out of school and forget college - just move to indonesia and live an honorable life, breathing carcinogens and starving so in this "great country" some prick can have running shoes. God it's frustrating.
I want to help. God i want to help. How can anyone live with themselves knowing that people that you will never meet are suffering for you???? I know I can't
Stealth
Let me ravage your body,
Rip you from end to end.
Crack your skull.
expose your brain.
Gently taste,
Then feast on the morsels
of your tainted soul.
Embrace you -
Feel the comfort??
Withdraw.
Feel the blistering cold.
Wreck you and walk away
Before you even know my name -
For I am a faceless killer
that's my personification of guilt for the day. Ahhhh internal struggles. Geez. I doubt I've ever felt this shitty in my life.....
Yeno what i feel like?!?!?!?!?!? I feel like the picture I put up. Somber eyes, gun in hand. I can't eat anything. Not even the rainbow cookies expressly delivered from grandma. I can't help but think of all the people who are going without food tonight, and how many will die. And it's not some dream, some ficticious tale. And i know it's real ... and I've known.... So why this reaction now?? I mean, it's bothered me before, but never to such an extent as this.
Today was the Amnesty Assembly. It went GREAT!!! the guest speakers came, and they were really moving.. I know that sounds cheesey, but it's so true. They stayed for the whole day and gave lectures in the classrooms. I was free one of the periods they were talking during, so I popped in and listened. Very cool.. Well, not the situation - their involvement is the cool part. Check out www.nikewages.org for their info. I can't even tell you how nervous I was. I had no idea how we were going to sound to everyone.. Was it going to reach them??
lol my dad fell asleep watching It's A Wonderful Life...... gotta turn off the following fuzz...
...How ironic... Falls asleep watching It's A Wonderful Life, when it's not always so grand.
--ok, I'm back.. he kinda woke up when i turned the TV off... he wasn't all to interested in this Wonderful Life, apparently; he went back to sleep in his chair... fine by me...
It's weird - I spent so long planning this assembly and then today I was just caught up in it, in the great response following it, that I didn't have much time to soak it all in. I've been thinking about it now though. It's so hard. I feel like such a horrible person... So much guilt. I can't help but think that I'm a spoiled bitch. I sat in my counselor's office and went through college mail to see what school I'm going to, and I lamented that I couldn't watch Rudolph on TV because we can't afford cable anymore..... and there are people who are pouring their blood, sweat, and tears so that I can wear a new shirt.... My life seems so worthless in the grand scheme of things... My petty ambitions........ I had a conversation the other day about what my dream job would be. Without hesitation I said that I wanted to be an exec in a recording industry - the one who decides which artists to sign.... How pale. How sad. How abandoning to the race of people I claim to care about. I feel so fake, so very fake. Less than human. I, who have no notion of true suffering, have the nerve to bewail the small short-comings of my life which is truly so very prosperous. I complain because I'm not trusted, while there are people who don't have fundamental human rights........... I feel so cheap. I can't concentrate on a damn thing because I keep thinking that my efforts are worthless... Each step of my life in preparation for the next... Leading to what?????? To be just like everyone else, hopelessly the same. It makes everything seem so damn unimportant. What will I ever change? Who will I ever help? It's so frustrating... shattering my own dreams - dreams I never really had in the first place! I just feel like shit.
A heaping pile of smelly, disgusting shit.
I just wanna say fuck it all, i'll drop out of school and forget college - just move to indonesia and live an honorable life, breathing carcinogens and starving so in this "great country" some prick can have running shoes. God it's frustrating.
I want to help. God i want to help. How can anyone live with themselves knowing that people that you will never meet are suffering for you???? I know I can't
Stealth
Let me ravage your body,
Rip you from end to end.
Crack your skull.
expose your brain.
Gently taste,
Then feast on the morsels
of your tainted soul.
Embrace you -
Feel the comfort??
Withdraw.
Feel the blistering cold.
Wreck you and walk away
Before you even know my name -
For I am a faceless killer
that's my personification of guilt for the day. Ahhhh internal struggles. Geez. I doubt I've ever felt this shitty in my life.....
Yeno what i feel like?!?!?!?!?!? I feel like the picture I put up. Somber eyes, gun in hand. I can't eat anything. Not even the rainbow cookies expressly delivered from grandma. I can't help but think of all the people who are going without food tonight, and how many will die. And it's not some dream, some ficticious tale. And i know it's real ... and I've known.... So why this reaction now?? I mean, it's bothered me before, but never to such an extent as this.