words are funny
Content: n. CONTENTMENT.
Contentment: n. ease of mind : SATISFACTION.
Satisfaction: n. 1. payment through penance of punishment incurred by sin.
Wow, I have a shit dictionary... But according to my shit dictionary, it basically says that you can't be content without making some HUGE mistakes and taking risks. i.e. Having a craptacular time.
So, today, I feel really good. Mostly because my apartment is clean, I have food in my cupboards, alcohol in my cabinet, and Gilmore Girls in my dvd player. I wouldn't feel good about any of that if I didn't go through the complete and utter frustrations of my apartment being a PIT, having absolutely NO food (besides spices and Ranch dressing), and the hopelessness feeling that you have when you don't have your crutch around (whether you need it or not).
I've been a lot less angry about...well...everything the passed couple days (maybe because it snowed a bunch and now I can make snow angels EVERYWHERE). I think it's really because a few days ago I watched an episode of Scrubs and I was reminded that everyone's lonely and depressed, at least some of the time. Everyone has some dipshit that they bitch about. And, although, some people would think it sad and pathetic that someone would go into work on their day off just to hang with their coworkers, at my job, everyone does it. Because we're all sad and pathetic. And it's so much better to be sad, pathetic, and lonely with other people who are sad, pathetic, and lonely.
I can't move to Uptown. I have 4 families in St. Paul. And I'm used to being sad, pathetic, and lonely here with my families and my Gilmore Girls. And if I have to move to a strange place where I'm the only one that cleans, I have to start my sad, pathetic, lonely existance from scratch. It took me years to figure out that I'm actually HAPPY (-er) here with the pathetic loneliness than I am with some dipshit that uses me and then leaves me. Because at least I know loneliness. And when you're alone, you can't get hurt. You can only hurt yourself. And then there's only one person you can blame. And I know what's in my head better than I know what's in someone else's.
Bottom line: I feel good (adj. 1. of a favorable character or tendency) today. And for the first time in quite a while I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
Contentment: n. ease of mind : SATISFACTION.
Satisfaction: n. 1. payment through penance of punishment incurred by sin.
Wow, I have a shit dictionary... But according to my shit dictionary, it basically says that you can't be content without making some HUGE mistakes and taking risks. i.e. Having a craptacular time.
So, today, I feel really good. Mostly because my apartment is clean, I have food in my cupboards, alcohol in my cabinet, and Gilmore Girls in my dvd player. I wouldn't feel good about any of that if I didn't go through the complete and utter frustrations of my apartment being a PIT, having absolutely NO food (besides spices and Ranch dressing), and the hopelessness feeling that you have when you don't have your crutch around (whether you need it or not).
I've been a lot less angry about...well...everything the passed couple days (maybe because it snowed a bunch and now I can make snow angels EVERYWHERE). I think it's really because a few days ago I watched an episode of Scrubs and I was reminded that everyone's lonely and depressed, at least some of the time. Everyone has some dipshit that they bitch about. And, although, some people would think it sad and pathetic that someone would go into work on their day off just to hang with their coworkers, at my job, everyone does it. Because we're all sad and pathetic. And it's so much better to be sad, pathetic, and lonely with other people who are sad, pathetic, and lonely.
I can't move to Uptown. I have 4 families in St. Paul. And I'm used to being sad, pathetic, and lonely here with my families and my Gilmore Girls. And if I have to move to a strange place where I'm the only one that cleans, I have to start my sad, pathetic, lonely existance from scratch. It took me years to figure out that I'm actually HAPPY (-er) here with the pathetic loneliness than I am with some dipshit that uses me and then leaves me. Because at least I know loneliness. And when you're alone, you can't get hurt. You can only hurt yourself. And then there's only one person you can blame. And I know what's in my head better than I know what's in someone else's.
Bottom line: I feel good (adj. 1. of a favorable character or tendency) today. And for the first time in quite a while I'm looking forward to tomorrow.