(no subject)
Lots of stuff been happening lately...none of it really all that great. Got my heart bruised...shock of shocks considering I wear it on my damn sleeve, but it is what it is and one way or another I'll be fine. Other than that bit of personal drama there is so much messed up stuff going on my family right now I just don't really know what to do. If you know me at all you know that my family is hugely important to me...above damn near anything else in my life. And right now that little piece of my world which has always brought me peace and comfort is on really shaky ground. My grandmother is still living w/ the con artist that is trying really hard to destroy my family. She no longer speaks to anyone but her oldest son and I haven't seen her since last April. My 5 month old niece was in the hospital this past week for a serious respiratory condition which Thank God she s finally getting better from, but it was so scary. I was ready to pack a bag and drive through the night to get to my sister, to be there for my family. But thankfully my mom was able to get a flight and spend the week there so Shanna and Jason weren't going crazy with worry on thier own. My aunt and uncle are in a real bad way right now...real bad. I'll never understand how after many years of marriage..of being devoted to and in love with one person you can suddenly change your mind...it's a mystery to me..and it scares me to death. So of course since my family is the tight group that we are all of our drama affects everyone else in the family...everyone gets thier emotions up and tries to solve everyone elses problems or provide their opinion and more often then not more problems and bad feelings are the result. I really miss the good old days when things were so simple. No work...jsut play. I wish I never started to like boys and want anything more than friendship from anyone cause it just hasn't been good for my heart or head lately. I've discovered that "hurt" and "hope" are equally painful....but what am I supposed to do? As scary as this stuff is...I can't run from it. My family is my family, my emotions and feelings are mine, my thoughts, my fears, my hopes, and my dreams...they all make me who I am. Sometimes they make me an emotional mess..but what girl hasn't been an emotional mess at one point or twenty by the time she's my age? I just have to keep reminding myself and my family that everything that happens, happens for a reason and that God will never give us a challenge in this life that He hasn't already prepared us to handle. I am strong enough to deal....I am strong enough to grow.....but I can't turn my back on my past or stop hoping for the future...even if it hurts my heart just a little bit to think about it all....I'd rather remember and feel something than allow myself to forget and risk losing so many memories and people that I treasure.