(no subject)
i was almost going to say empty but more like lost
the empty feeling is more likely to be dissatisfaction
and the dissatisfaction is because i look in all the wrong places to find answers
and really i probably have the answers
it is so difficult to decide whether to choose the life you feel is right or the life you feel is probably going to be happy.
the honest truth is that i really really don't want to have kids because i don't want to pass my genes. and i think i could do better in the world by adopting.
but what if i've found the nicest, most stable guy i've ever dated and he's crazy about me and he's dead set on having 2 kids? specifically 2 kids. and he says he doesn't want to pressure me but eventually we'll have to make a decision on this. we have like, a 5 year deadline.
and part of me thinks, i am not changing what i think is right. no matter what. having kids is selfish.
the other part thinks, why am i so afraid. do i maybe feel like i don't deserve a normal happy life?
this is pretty much killing me today. we had this long talk about it last night and i feel like to just ignore it and say "hey we don't have to figure this out right now" would just be setting aside the inevitable decision. i know i don't have to figure it out today but i have to start thinking about it.
i wish i could just keep sleeping instead
the empty feeling is more likely to be dissatisfaction
and the dissatisfaction is because i look in all the wrong places to find answers
and really i probably have the answers
it is so difficult to decide whether to choose the life you feel is right or the life you feel is probably going to be happy.
the honest truth is that i really really don't want to have kids because i don't want to pass my genes. and i think i could do better in the world by adopting.
but what if i've found the nicest, most stable guy i've ever dated and he's crazy about me and he's dead set on having 2 kids? specifically 2 kids. and he says he doesn't want to pressure me but eventually we'll have to make a decision on this. we have like, a 5 year deadline.
and part of me thinks, i am not changing what i think is right. no matter what. having kids is selfish.
the other part thinks, why am i so afraid. do i maybe feel like i don't deserve a normal happy life?
this is pretty much killing me today. we had this long talk about it last night and i feel like to just ignore it and say "hey we don't have to figure this out right now" would just be setting aside the inevitable decision. i know i don't have to figure it out today but i have to start thinking about it.
i wish i could just keep sleeping instead