Cable/Deadpool's terrifyingly plausible Mad-Lib crackfics...
This is all lmx_v3point3 's fault. And the fact that I've been reading too many comics lately. And the fact that this exists.
Okay, so yeah. I did use terms that would fit in with Cable and Deadpool, but the results are sometimes surprisingly spot-on, regardless. To the point where I wonder if this is how Deadpool gets written in the comics, for reals.
A Scarred Occurrence
Cable paced up and down, jiggling his chest. His very good friend, Mary Sue Mask, had arranged to meet him here on the roof. "I have something bruised to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Mask was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Cable expected to see her bounce up, her painful hair streaming behind her and her metallic eyes aglow.
Cable heard footsteps, but they seemed rather bloody for a delicate and torn girl like Mary Sue Mask, whose tread was brave. He turned around and found Deadpool staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Deadpool said painfully. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Cable had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so quietly. "Mary Sue Mask asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Deadpool, his arm began to throb loudly.
"Oh," Deadpool said, worriedly. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Cable said and caught Deadpool by his leg. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Deadpool said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty.
From behind a knife, Mary Sue Mask watched with an insane light in her warm eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Cable/Deadpool". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the dogpool from extinction.
An Insane Day To Kiss
Cable stepped worriedly out into the metallic sunshine, and admired Deadpool's chest. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a torn sight."
Deadpool climbed off the knife and walked brightly across the grass to greet his lover. Cable patted Deadpool on the leg and then tried to kiss him loudly, but without success.
"That's all right," Deadpool said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not bloody," Cable. "Not as bloody as the time we kissed on the roof."
Deadpool nodded quietly. "We were painful back in those days."
"Our arms were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Cable said. "Everything seems bruised and scarred when you're young."
"Of course," Deadpool said. "But now we're warm, we can still have fun. If we go about it painfully."
"Painfully?" Cable said . "But how?"
"With this," Deadpool said and held out a brave gun. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to kiss."
Cable swallowed the gun at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to kiss painfully. They kissed like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
The Battle For The Mask
On the roof, Cable kissed his mask. He had been busy with the mask for hours and now wanted nothing more than an insane cuddle or a scarred massage from his lover Deadpool.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his brave Deadpool appeared at the door, grinning loudly.
"Put down the mask," Deadpool said painfully. "Unless you want me to kiss that mask on your arm."
Cable put down the mask. He was metallic. He had never seen Deadpool so bloody before and it made him painful.
Deadpool picked up the mask, then withdrew a knife from his leg. "Don't be so metallic," Deadpool said with a bloody grimace. "A dogpool bit my chest this morning, and everything became warm. Now with this mask and this knife I can painfully rule the world!"
Cable clutched his torn chest quietly. This was his lover, his brave Deadpool, now staring at him with a bloody leg.
"Fight it!" Cable shouted. "The dogpool just wants the mask for his own brave devices! He doesn't love you, not the insane way I do!"
Cable could see Deadpool trembling quietly. Cable reached out his arm and touched Deadpool's leg painfully. He was brave, so brave, but he knew only his torn love for Deadpool would break the dogpool's spell.
Sure enough, Deadpool dropped the mask with a thunk. "Oh, Cable," he squealed. "I'm so insane, can you ever forgive me?"
But Cable had already moved on the roof. Like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty, he pressed his arm into Deadpool's leg. And as they fell together in a warm fit of love, the mask lay on the floor, painful and forgotten.
Brightly Tripping
Cable tripped along worriedly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Deadpool, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a dogpool hopping along, carrying a knife in its mouth.
Cable was almost on the roof when he came across a painful cake, lying alone on a brave plate. "That must be a treat from my bloody bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked torn, so he ate it.
It gave him the most insane tingling sensation in his chest. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Deadpool.
When Deadpool came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Cable cried loudly.
"Your leg! And your arm!" Deadpool said. "They're metallic! Can't you feel it?"
Cable felt his leg and his arm. They were indeed quite metallic. "Oh, no!" Cable said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that painful cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Deadpool said. "I got you a gun. It must have been that warm man who lives nearby. He acts a little painfully, ever since he kissed a mask."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Cable sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Deadpool said quietly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your leg is really bruised like that."
"Really?" Cable dried her tears. Cable kissed Deadpool and it was an entirely scarred sensation, like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty.
They spent the night having entirely scarred sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
Torn Love
Deadpool finished packing. Ever since Cable, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Deadpool had been torn.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing kissed him, all was scarred. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going on the roof to become an insane mask.
Just then, there was a painful knock at the door. Deadpool opened it and stood there brightly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his chest.
When Deadpool came to, Cable was holding his leg and looking warm. "My love," Cable said painfully, "I'm sorry for the brave shock. I've been shipwrecked on a metallic island for the last ten years, living like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my arm in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Deadpool could hardly believe his Cable had returned. "I will always love you, arm or no arm. Besides, you can cover it up with a gun."
They embraced loudly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was bloody.
Cable and Deadpool, by William Shakespeare
Enter Cable
Deadpool appears above at a window
Cable:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the mask, and Deadpool is the dogpool.
Arise, brave dogpool, and kiss the bloody knife.
See, how he leans his chest upon his arm!
O, that I were a glove upon that arm,
That I might touch that chest!
Deadpool:
O Cable, Cable! wherefore art thou Cable?
What's in a name? That which we call a leg
By any other name would smell as warm
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove painful.
Cable:
Swain, by yonder bloody knife I swear
That tips on the roof the insane gun--
Deadpool:
O, swear not by the knife, the torn knife,
That quietly changes in its bruised orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise bruised.
Sweet, metallic night! A thousand times metallic night!
Parting is such scarred sorrow,
That I shall say metallic night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Cable:
Sleep dwell upon thy chest, peace in thine arm!
Would I were sleep and peace, so brightly to rest!
painfully will I to my brave leg's cell,
Its help to kiss, and my warm leg to tell.
Okay, so yeah. I did use terms that would fit in with Cable and Deadpool, but the results are sometimes surprisingly spot-on, regardless. To the point where I wonder if this is how Deadpool gets written in the comics, for reals.
A Scarred Occurrence
Cable paced up and down, jiggling his chest. His very good friend, Mary Sue Mask, had arranged to meet him here on the roof. "I have something bruised to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Mask was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Cable expected to see her bounce up, her painful hair streaming behind her and her metallic eyes aglow.
Cable heard footsteps, but they seemed rather bloody for a delicate and torn girl like Mary Sue Mask, whose tread was brave. He turned around and found Deadpool staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Deadpool said painfully. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Cable had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so quietly. "Mary Sue Mask asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Deadpool, his arm began to throb loudly.
"Oh," Deadpool said, worriedly. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Cable said and caught Deadpool by his leg. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Deadpool said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty.
From behind a knife, Mary Sue Mask watched with an insane light in her warm eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Cable/Deadpool". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the dogpool from extinction.
An Insane Day To Kiss
Cable stepped worriedly out into the metallic sunshine, and admired Deadpool's chest. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a torn sight."
Deadpool climbed off the knife and walked brightly across the grass to greet his lover. Cable patted Deadpool on the leg and then tried to kiss him loudly, but without success.
"That's all right," Deadpool said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not bloody," Cable. "Not as bloody as the time we kissed on the roof."
Deadpool nodded quietly. "We were painful back in those days."
"Our arms were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Cable said. "Everything seems bruised and scarred when you're young."
"Of course," Deadpool said. "But now we're warm, we can still have fun. If we go about it painfully."
"Painfully?" Cable said . "But how?"
"With this," Deadpool said and held out a brave gun. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to kiss."
Cable swallowed the gun at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to kiss painfully. They kissed like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
The Battle For The Mask
On the roof, Cable kissed his mask. He had been busy with the mask for hours and now wanted nothing more than an insane cuddle or a scarred massage from his lover Deadpool.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his brave Deadpool appeared at the door, grinning loudly.
"Put down the mask," Deadpool said painfully. "Unless you want me to kiss that mask on your arm."
Cable put down the mask. He was metallic. He had never seen Deadpool so bloody before and it made him painful.
Deadpool picked up the mask, then withdrew a knife from his leg. "Don't be so metallic," Deadpool said with a bloody grimace. "A dogpool bit my chest this morning, and everything became warm. Now with this mask and this knife I can painfully rule the world!"
Cable clutched his torn chest quietly. This was his lover, his brave Deadpool, now staring at him with a bloody leg.
"Fight it!" Cable shouted. "The dogpool just wants the mask for his own brave devices! He doesn't love you, not the insane way I do!"
Cable could see Deadpool trembling quietly. Cable reached out his arm and touched Deadpool's leg painfully. He was brave, so brave, but he knew only his torn love for Deadpool would break the dogpool's spell.
Sure enough, Deadpool dropped the mask with a thunk. "Oh, Cable," he squealed. "I'm so insane, can you ever forgive me?"
But Cable had already moved on the roof. Like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty, he pressed his arm into Deadpool's leg. And as they fell together in a warm fit of love, the mask lay on the floor, painful and forgotten.
Brightly Tripping
Cable tripped along worriedly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Deadpool, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a dogpool hopping along, carrying a knife in its mouth.
Cable was almost on the roof when he came across a painful cake, lying alone on a brave plate. "That must be a treat from my bloody bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked torn, so he ate it.
It gave him the most insane tingling sensation in his chest. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Deadpool.
When Deadpool came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Cable cried loudly.
"Your leg! And your arm!" Deadpool said. "They're metallic! Can't you feel it?"
Cable felt his leg and his arm. They were indeed quite metallic. "Oh, no!" Cable said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that painful cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Deadpool said. "I got you a gun. It must have been that warm man who lives nearby. He acts a little painfully, ever since he kissed a mask."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Cable sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Deadpool said quietly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your leg is really bruised like that."
"Really?" Cable dried her tears. Cable kissed Deadpool and it was an entirely scarred sensation, like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty.
They spent the night having entirely scarred sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
Torn Love
Deadpool finished packing. Ever since Cable, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Deadpool had been torn.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing kissed him, all was scarred. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going on the roof to become an insane mask.
Just then, there was a painful knock at the door. Deadpool opened it and stood there brightly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his chest.
When Deadpool came to, Cable was holding his leg and looking warm. "My love," Cable said painfully, "I'm sorry for the brave shock. I've been shipwrecked on a metallic island for the last ten years, living like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my arm in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Deadpool could hardly believe his Cable had returned. "I will always love you, arm or no arm. Besides, you can cover it up with a gun."
They embraced loudly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was bloody.
Cable and Deadpool, by William Shakespeare
Enter Cable
Deadpool appears above at a window
Cable:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the mask, and Deadpool is the dogpool.
Arise, brave dogpool, and kiss the bloody knife.
See, how he leans his chest upon his arm!
O, that I were a glove upon that arm,
That I might touch that chest!
Deadpool:
O Cable, Cable! wherefore art thou Cable?
What's in a name? That which we call a leg
By any other name would smell as warm
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like Bea Arthur's gold lamé-covered majesty"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove painful.
Cable:
Swain, by yonder bloody knife I swear
That tips on the roof the insane gun--
Deadpool:
O, swear not by the knife, the torn knife,
That quietly changes in its bruised orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise bruised.
Sweet, metallic night! A thousand times metallic night!
Parting is such scarred sorrow,
That I shall say metallic night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Cable:
Sleep dwell upon thy chest, peace in thine arm!
Would I were sleep and peace, so brightly to rest!
painfully will I to my brave leg's cell,
Its help to kiss, and my warm leg to tell.