Water torture.
It started a while ago: Just a small drip from the kitchen tap when you turned off the cold feed.
"Probably just needs the centre screw in the tap head tightened up a bit." came the sage tone from himself. "I must have a look at that when I get a minute!"
Somehow, the minute never seemed to materialise.
The small, intermittent drip became a more prolonged drip, a series of drips.
"Y'know, I really must have a look at that, when I've got a minute."
"Would you like me to take care of it?"
"No, no, I said I'd do it... that's assuming we've got the right tools for the job. Where are
they, by the way?"
Tools were where they always were: in the tool box, in the shed. But somehow the 'Tool-faeries' never managed to make one magically appear next to the sink and the minute never did materialise.
The series of drips became a small trickle.
"That bloody thing still leaking?"
"Apparently so."
"It probably needs a new washer then, I'd better pop down to the hardware store and pick some up when I've got a minute."
Miraculously, minute did somehow materialise but, sadly, knowledge of what was actually required did not. Oh, how we laughed...well, some of us laughed, some of us just clenched our teeth, sighed and thought 'Oh for the love of God!'
Trickle became a slow, but steady stream. Some of us were still making grumpy noises, empty threats and promises action. Some of us started to worry about how much water was wasting and were glad we weren't yet on a meter. Some of us eventually decided enough was enough, brought out screwdrivers, un-coupled workings...or at least tried to. Workings now seemed to be oxidised to such an extent they just wouldn't budge.
"Well that's well and truly buggered then!" Came voice from over shoulder "We'll have to get a whole new tap."
"OK, I'll make sure I go out and look for one then.?"
"No, no, I've said I'll sort it and I will. I'll pop into the hardware store on the way home from work one night...if I get a minute."
But alas, although minute appeared willing, memory was weak. It must have been contagious because one night also became week. Then two week(s). The good news is that, eventually, all parties managed to get a window in their schedules and store was visited. The bad news is it wasn't quite as productive a meeting as it could have been.
"Have you any idea how many different designs of kitchen tap there are?"
"A few, I should imagine, did y..."
"Yeah, and they're not cheap either!"
"No, some probably aren't, but did you..."
"Y'know they wanted nearly a hundred quid for some. A hundred quid!! Bloody rip off if you ask me."
"Yes, it probably is, but did you find one?"
"Nothing that looks like the one we've got."
"Doesn't have to be the same, just do the same job."
"Not at those bloody prices it wont...over my dead body!"
Some of us had to walk away at that point before a minute materialised and I finally had time to hide said body.
Meanwhile, slow steady trickle was having the time of it's life. Getting stronger by the day, it started to delight in making hot sink fulls of water cold and causing overflows when not watched with eagle eyes. Some of us were starting to despair. Words were starting to brew. Ultimatums were starting to formulate. Then finally...
"I've been having a chat to someone at a work and they know someone who might be able to sort this out for us,proper-like, professionally."
"Good. Who?"
"A friend of a friends cousin's brother-in-law is a plumber. They're going to get him to give us a ring."
"And that will be?"
"When he gets a minute."
It was then that minute decided it had been awfully busy this year and needed to take a holiday. Took some consolation as it coincided with ours. Seven days later we were back. But somehow minute must have gotten it's self delayed in customs or immigration or security or something - well, it was very tanned, hadn't shaved in a while and was carrying a rather suspicious looking ruck-sack....
Fortunately trickle didn't seem to have gathered anymore strength in our absence, but was still extremely annoying. Final straw came when, in a somewhat pointless effort to close off water more efficiently, the screw holding the cold dial sheared off completely. Of course this caused much wailing and gnashing of teeth in some.
The rest of us decided that was the final straw, contacted the paternal unit and asked the best place to purchase new tap. A few minutes with a strategically obtained hardware mail-order catalogue, a phone and use of the paternal units catalogue account ref, and new tap, complete with all fixtures and fittings, was on the way. A few minutes more grovelling with paternal unit for some expert supervision, appropriate tools and their own stash of minutes and arrangements were made for last Saturday.
Spent all week laying and baiting traps to catch any free floating minutes that might stray from my schedule until I finally had one hundred and eighty of the little blighters contained for certain, with an additional hundred and twenty on standby. In the end we only used a hundred and sixty five. The rest were released back into the wild, totally unharmed.
Moral of this story: You can lead a man to DIY but you can't make him think!
"Probably just needs the centre screw in the tap head tightened up a bit." came the sage tone from himself. "I must have a look at that when I get a minute!"
Somehow, the minute never seemed to materialise.
The small, intermittent drip became a more prolonged drip, a series of drips.
"Y'know, I really must have a look at that, when I've got a minute."
"Would you like me to take care of it?"
"No, no, I said I'd do it... that's assuming we've got the right tools for the job. Where are
they, by the way?"
Tools were where they always were: in the tool box, in the shed. But somehow the 'Tool-faeries' never managed to make one magically appear next to the sink and the minute never did materialise.
The series of drips became a small trickle.
"That bloody thing still leaking?"
"Apparently so."
"It probably needs a new washer then, I'd better pop down to the hardware store and pick some up when I've got a minute."
Miraculously, minute did somehow materialise but, sadly, knowledge of what was actually required did not. Oh, how we laughed...well, some of us laughed, some of us just clenched our teeth, sighed and thought 'Oh for the love of God!'
Trickle became a slow, but steady stream. Some of us were still making grumpy noises, empty threats and promises action. Some of us started to worry about how much water was wasting and were glad we weren't yet on a meter. Some of us eventually decided enough was enough, brought out screwdrivers, un-coupled workings...or at least tried to. Workings now seemed to be oxidised to such an extent they just wouldn't budge.
"Well that's well and truly buggered then!" Came voice from over shoulder "We'll have to get a whole new tap."
"OK, I'll make sure I go out and look for one then.?"
"No, no, I've said I'll sort it and I will. I'll pop into the hardware store on the way home from work one night...if I get a minute."
But alas, although minute appeared willing, memory was weak. It must have been contagious because one night also became week. Then two week(s). The good news is that, eventually, all parties managed to get a window in their schedules and store was visited. The bad news is it wasn't quite as productive a meeting as it could have been.
"Have you any idea how many different designs of kitchen tap there are?"
"A few, I should imagine, did y..."
"Yeah, and they're not cheap either!"
"No, some probably aren't, but did you..."
"Y'know they wanted nearly a hundred quid for some. A hundred quid!! Bloody rip off if you ask me."
"Yes, it probably is, but did you find one?"
"Nothing that looks like the one we've got."
"Doesn't have to be the same, just do the same job."
"Not at those bloody prices it wont...over my dead body!"
Some of us had to walk away at that point before a minute materialised and I finally had time to hide said body.
Meanwhile, slow steady trickle was having the time of it's life. Getting stronger by the day, it started to delight in making hot sink fulls of water cold and causing overflows when not watched with eagle eyes. Some of us were starting to despair. Words were starting to brew. Ultimatums were starting to formulate. Then finally...
"I've been having a chat to someone at a work and they know someone who might be able to sort this out for us,proper-like, professionally."
"Good. Who?"
"A friend of a friends cousin's brother-in-law is a plumber. They're going to get him to give us a ring."
"And that will be?"
"When he gets a minute."
It was then that minute decided it had been awfully busy this year and needed to take a holiday. Took some consolation as it coincided with ours. Seven days later we were back. But somehow minute must have gotten it's self delayed in customs or immigration or security or something - well, it was very tanned, hadn't shaved in a while and was carrying a rather suspicious looking ruck-sack....
Fortunately trickle didn't seem to have gathered anymore strength in our absence, but was still extremely annoying. Final straw came when, in a somewhat pointless effort to close off water more efficiently, the screw holding the cold dial sheared off completely. Of course this caused much wailing and gnashing of teeth in some.
The rest of us decided that was the final straw, contacted the paternal unit and asked the best place to purchase new tap. A few minutes with a strategically obtained hardware mail-order catalogue, a phone and use of the paternal units catalogue account ref, and new tap, complete with all fixtures and fittings, was on the way. A few minutes more grovelling with paternal unit for some expert supervision, appropriate tools and their own stash of minutes and arrangements were made for last Saturday.
Spent all week laying and baiting traps to catch any free floating minutes that might stray from my schedule until I finally had one hundred and eighty of the little blighters contained for certain, with an additional hundred and twenty on standby. In the end we only used a hundred and sixty five. The rest were released back into the wild, totally unharmed.
Moral of this story: You can lead a man to DIY but you can't make him think!