the work of the day measures more than the planting and growing.
I don't dream the same anymore... they're scattered and meaningless... they're strange, theres never a theme anymore... no story line... just random events, happenings... birds dlying out of a shoe... then walking with someone... i'm always walking with someone... somewhere, but no where... then it splits again to random color schemes.... hmmm.
still losing weight... i hate food and more than food i hate the craving for it... it's horrible. i'm only managing 500-1000 calories a day... i know i need more or whatever.
mom wants me to start seeing someone again, she says i spend too much time obsessing over death and the continuation of the life after... i can't help it, everything just feels so small and pointless still... thats all i can think of, i hate that but i can't control it... living moment to moment FOR moment to moment... that makes no sense but thats what life is.... moments that have no evolutionary significance... i try and hear so many people try and tell me different... but i can't feel what they say like i can feel what i say so it just sounds dumb and rehearsed and learned more than observed by people. sheep.
i remain,
Jen
still losing weight... i hate food and more than food i hate the craving for it... it's horrible. i'm only managing 500-1000 calories a day... i know i need more or whatever.
mom wants me to start seeing someone again, she says i spend too much time obsessing over death and the continuation of the life after... i can't help it, everything just feels so small and pointless still... thats all i can think of, i hate that but i can't control it... living moment to moment FOR moment to moment... that makes no sense but thats what life is.... moments that have no evolutionary significance... i try and hear so many people try and tell me different... but i can't feel what they say like i can feel what i say so it just sounds dumb and rehearsed and learned more than observed by people. sheep.
i remain,
Jen