4100: Dry
This is sort of a mixed post, because I (re)discovered three things, all of which I deeply appreciate but only one of which is amusing.
In "Good News, Bad News" fashion, the amusing first:
A long time ago, I stumbled over something called "Jim's Journal" by means I no longer remember. It was hilarious because it was so completely deadpan in its humour as to be charming. I found out Jim's Journal is now syndicated, with a mix of original and new strips, and it is okay. A typical strip runs along these lines:
Sometimes it's actually funny instead of So Dull It's Good:
This one in particular reminds me of my own [past] attitude about art:
My rationale was, regarding very specific pieces, I had created them faithfully according to a specific emotional guideline, and I thought feedback was meaningless because it would be like getting feedback on recreating a dream I had--it's not SUPPOSED to be a specific way other than the way I alone know it goes.
Lately, though, my work is such that I genuinely DO need feedback that I'm now conditioned not to expect, because I've spent so much time in Dreamland Re-Creation that I no longer know what other people like.
Which is perfectly fine if I don't have "making something other people like" as a goal, or at least "like enough to reimburse me for time spent" in any form. Doing my work for pay is generally not a concern as long as I have other income in some fashion, but given my employment history, I can't know that I can keep a regular income for as long as I'll need it; i.e. to retirement. [Of course, I have LESS than no guarantee that doing writing/art for pay would make me self-sufficient even with the kind of feedback I need, so I'm on the fence as to whether to even bother with feedback in the first place.]
[[and even vague memories of trying to take commissions gives me hives and scares me away, despite commissioning being the fastest way to an eager audience]]
Anyway, it's cool to see the strip back, even if I know a bunch of what happens next. Even cooler that the originals work seamlessly with an updated timeline [i.e. 2011 vs. 1991[!!]], though it's weird to see mentions of texting in where there used to be typical pre-Internet era general shenanigans.
The less-amusing is memorial material.
Yesterday, out of the blue, Ernie Paik [friend from church in my hometown] PMed me to ask my folks' address, so he could send them a copy of the book he made as a scrapbook of Mr. Helm's artwork [doodles, really]. I said that was really cool of him to send it, and I'm definitely picking up a copy myself once there's a good Lulu coupon out.
While I remember Mr. Helm being much more inclusive than specifically religious, I can't say he wasn't spiritual in some fashion, and it definitely shows in some of his pieces:
He was definitely more the kind of Christian I appreciate, the one who says he's a Christian through his actions vs. [hypocritical] words. I can't do anything to undo my not attending the funeral, but I feel the guilt looming every time I think about it, even when I have a dream that oh, he's still alive after all, and hey, I got to come visit again like you wanted, eh? But no, that was just a dream...
I don't expect more than MAYBE two of you to even have any clue who I'm talking about, but it's sort of a self-reflection, anyway. Mr. Helm meant a lot more to me than I ever admitted, and while I will own up to being a not-completely-admirable person over my faults, I feel like I should have tried to do more than I have. I guess that's my resolution now, to stop second-guessing whether to do something that will be meaningful to someone else [going to his funeral] just because I was going to be inconvenienced a bit. Granted, I don't think I would've second-guessed quite as much if I'd still had a job at the time--I'd've used company policy as a measure--but I've done too little owning up to my choices for my age.
Also, Ernie's PM reminded me that I gave my brother Matt's CD he made, which I completely neglected to back up, so I asked if he had an ISO I could d/l. He said he'd just mail me another CD of the copies he still had, but he also decided to make a website of the material he had on-hand.
He also said this month is the tenth anniversary of Matt's death. Damn, ten years... that's longer than I even knew him. Sure, it was primarily in passing and that, but it's still so surreal that absolutely the LAST person in the world I would've expected...
Ah, I won't go there.
Gad, it's like a crazy dream. I hate it when people die. I guess that's why I'm so detached from things, that it's easier to see something coming and just accept when it does. Not that I expected Matt or Mr. Helm to go when they did, but... I dunno. I have a difficult enough time managing just myself without worrying about other people.
Might be why I just kinda waited until a good job came around vs. getting all paranoid and taking whatever I could get, just to ensure I had an income. [Granted, I have a cushion that let me do that...] I know it's a problem I have, I can't really take initiative to do something when I don't have a lot of confidence that I'll have even a sliver of success. Guess that's why I [correctly?] self-analyzed myself at the workshop as being a "permanent temp": I'm too eager to let someone else do the hunting for me.
Which is fine, I guess--if things go as expected, I'll have my old job back and have just taken a spontaneous nine-month leave of absence [with, apparently, just enough unemployment coverage for the duration]. Of course, I should know better than to expect something just because someone says it, but if I'm going to have no hard feelings about this, I have to accept that it really was just "We can't pay you for this nine-month period but we DO want you back, honest."
As long as talking about it doesn't jinx anything, of course ¬_¬ XB
In "Good News, Bad News" fashion, the amusing first:
A long time ago, I stumbled over something called "Jim's Journal" by means I no longer remember. It was hilarious because it was so completely deadpan in its humour as to be charming. I found out Jim's Journal is now syndicated, with a mix of original and new strips, and it is okay. A typical strip runs along these lines:
Sometimes it's actually funny instead of So Dull It's Good:
This one in particular reminds me of my own [past] attitude about art:
My rationale was, regarding very specific pieces, I had created them faithfully according to a specific emotional guideline, and I thought feedback was meaningless because it would be like getting feedback on recreating a dream I had--it's not SUPPOSED to be a specific way other than the way I alone know it goes.
Lately, though, my work is such that I genuinely DO need feedback that I'm now conditioned not to expect, because I've spent so much time in Dreamland Re-Creation that I no longer know what other people like.
Which is perfectly fine if I don't have "making something other people like" as a goal, or at least "like enough to reimburse me for time spent" in any form. Doing my work for pay is generally not a concern as long as I have other income in some fashion, but given my employment history, I can't know that I can keep a regular income for as long as I'll need it; i.e. to retirement. [Of course, I have LESS than no guarantee that doing writing/art for pay would make me self-sufficient even with the kind of feedback I need, so I'm on the fence as to whether to even bother with feedback in the first place.]
[[and even vague memories of trying to take commissions gives me hives and scares me away, despite commissioning being the fastest way to an eager audience]]
Anyway, it's cool to see the strip back, even if I know a bunch of what happens next. Even cooler that the originals work seamlessly with an updated timeline [i.e. 2011 vs. 1991[!!]], though it's weird to see mentions of texting in where there used to be typical pre-Internet era general shenanigans.
The less-amusing is memorial material.
Yesterday, out of the blue, Ernie Paik [friend from church in my hometown] PMed me to ask my folks' address, so he could send them a copy of the book he made as a scrapbook of Mr. Helm's artwork [doodles, really]. I said that was really cool of him to send it, and I'm definitely picking up a copy myself once there's a good Lulu coupon out.
While I remember Mr. Helm being much more inclusive than specifically religious, I can't say he wasn't spiritual in some fashion, and it definitely shows in some of his pieces:
He was definitely more the kind of Christian I appreciate, the one who says he's a Christian through his actions vs. [hypocritical] words. I can't do anything to undo my not attending the funeral, but I feel the guilt looming every time I think about it, even when I have a dream that oh, he's still alive after all, and hey, I got to come visit again like you wanted, eh? But no, that was just a dream...
I don't expect more than MAYBE two of you to even have any clue who I'm talking about, but it's sort of a self-reflection, anyway. Mr. Helm meant a lot more to me than I ever admitted, and while I will own up to being a not-completely-admirable person over my faults, I feel like I should have tried to do more than I have. I guess that's my resolution now, to stop second-guessing whether to do something that will be meaningful to someone else [going to his funeral] just because I was going to be inconvenienced a bit. Granted, I don't think I would've second-guessed quite as much if I'd still had a job at the time--I'd've used company policy as a measure--but I've done too little owning up to my choices for my age.
Also, Ernie's PM reminded me that I gave my brother Matt's CD he made, which I completely neglected to back up, so I asked if he had an ISO I could d/l. He said he'd just mail me another CD of the copies he still had, but he also decided to make a website of the material he had on-hand.
He also said this month is the tenth anniversary of Matt's death. Damn, ten years... that's longer than I even knew him. Sure, it was primarily in passing and that, but it's still so surreal that absolutely the LAST person in the world I would've expected...
Ah, I won't go there.
Gad, it's like a crazy dream. I hate it when people die. I guess that's why I'm so detached from things, that it's easier to see something coming and just accept when it does. Not that I expected Matt or Mr. Helm to go when they did, but... I dunno. I have a difficult enough time managing just myself without worrying about other people.
Might be why I just kinda waited until a good job came around vs. getting all paranoid and taking whatever I could get, just to ensure I had an income. [Granted, I have a cushion that let me do that...] I know it's a problem I have, I can't really take initiative to do something when I don't have a lot of confidence that I'll have even a sliver of success. Guess that's why I [correctly?] self-analyzed myself at the workshop as being a "permanent temp": I'm too eager to let someone else do the hunting for me.
Which is fine, I guess--if things go as expected, I'll have my old job back and have just taken a spontaneous nine-month leave of absence [with, apparently, just enough unemployment coverage for the duration]. Of course, I should know better than to expect something just because someone says it, but if I'm going to have no hard feelings about this, I have to accept that it really was just "We can't pay you for this nine-month period but we DO want you back, honest."
As long as talking about it doesn't jinx anything, of course ¬_¬ XB