3739: Want
Back to the grind [after a nap]:
#4 [revived, when I realized I was just going to draw over them again anyway] and #7, numbered according to their page numbers in the sketchbook I'm using. At this point, I need to take requests if there are any specific characters of mine you want to see--otherwise, I'm going to drift into the odd lesser-known ones I feel like doing.
What I have overthought about the whole publishing thing--self- or otherwise--is that everyone wants to be recognized for accomplishing something, one of the somethings that came out in the one-on-one meeting Usurper had with me on Tuesday. The reasons can be many: to get more money, to be popular[/liked], to have power over others, etc.
I long ago learned I don't actually want to be famous, because I can't handle being in the public eye [something that also came out in the meeting, oddly enough]. Yet I'm compelled to publish things, which is sort of the road to fame even if in a small way, and I've actually found myself sad because I wrote in a thinly-veiled reference to a specific celeb in my book, such that it now feels weird knowing I don't and will not actually know him as well as what I wrote. This is also technically covered in my book as a thinly-veiled [but obscure] reference to the fact I did not get to know someone I wanted to know better and now cannot for reasons I won't get into now, but along the same lines.
Despite my inability to reconcile the desires I have with reality, I recognize that fame is simply a tighter circle of the clique phenomenon: Fame [capital F] that most people know is simply the highest tier clique, where at least X% of Y population is aware of who someone is. There is a lower level of fame [lowercase f, maybe] that is kind of the same as Fame but maybe within a small town or specific group, then there is Popular--like high school and that. The lowest level is unpopular or some equivalent [nonentity-ness?], where basically people might know who you are but aren't particularly compelled to like you more than as a friend/neighbour/relative/co-worker/etc.
It's the like that's key, I think. It's hard not to want to be liked, perhaps the biggest reason to want to be famous or at least popular. I kinda want this, but at the same time, I've always felt uncomfortable around the few people who've fanboyed on me. I don't know why that is--it's just kinda creepy.
Which is why I take my nonentitousness in stride, and am pretty good-humoured about not being an overnight bestseller or anything. [I joked to C that I'm going to give a copy of MLCS to his folks, and they'll leave it lying around the house--which is what they do.] Still, there's that one part of me a little upset about not reaching more people, even though this is unachievable without the aforementioned Fame aspect.
I also think I'm generally kind of sad about finalizing my story because it's just how we're geared: People have the capability to emote to certain extremes, and we want to stretch those feelings--hence the popularity of action movies [adrenaline] and girly movies ["I just need a good cry"], and why getting married and having kids have the societal draw that they do [emotional peaks]. I stretched my empathy to the brink in writing MLCS, and I have no idea how to repeat the performance, as it were--my other stories don't go nearly to the same extreme. How do I get quite the same peak as before? I sorta wonder if I didn't cap out early somehow.
Overthought, as I said. But I have to make up for skipping several days of LJ or something, don't I ¬_¬
...oh, I should prolly post the "easy" versions of the above =p [note: not to scale, hence the "draw over them again anyway" part]
gum
#4 [revived, when I realized I was just going to draw over them again anyway] and #7, numbered according to their page numbers in the sketchbook I'm using. At this point, I need to take requests if there are any specific characters of mine you want to see--otherwise, I'm going to drift into the odd lesser-known ones I feel like doing.
What I have overthought about the whole publishing thing--self- or otherwise--is that everyone wants to be recognized for accomplishing something, one of the somethings that came out in the one-on-one meeting Usurper had with me on Tuesday. The reasons can be many: to get more money, to be popular[/liked], to have power over others, etc.
I long ago learned I don't actually want to be famous, because I can't handle being in the public eye [something that also came out in the meeting, oddly enough]. Yet I'm compelled to publish things, which is sort of the road to fame even if in a small way, and I've actually found myself sad because I wrote in a thinly-veiled reference to a specific celeb in my book, such that it now feels weird knowing I don't and will not actually know him as well as what I wrote. This is also technically covered in my book as a thinly-veiled [but obscure] reference to the fact I did not get to know someone I wanted to know better and now cannot for reasons I won't get into now, but along the same lines.
Despite my inability to reconcile the desires I have with reality, I recognize that fame is simply a tighter circle of the clique phenomenon: Fame [capital F] that most people know is simply the highest tier clique, where at least X% of Y population is aware of who someone is. There is a lower level of fame [lowercase f, maybe] that is kind of the same as Fame but maybe within a small town or specific group, then there is Popular--like high school and that. The lowest level is unpopular or some equivalent [nonentity-ness?], where basically people might know who you are but aren't particularly compelled to like you more than as a friend/neighbour/relative/co-worker/etc.
It's the like that's key, I think. It's hard not to want to be liked, perhaps the biggest reason to want to be famous or at least popular. I kinda want this, but at the same time, I've always felt uncomfortable around the few people who've fanboyed on me. I don't know why that is--it's just kinda creepy.
Which is why I take my nonentitousness in stride, and am pretty good-humoured about not being an overnight bestseller or anything. [I joked to C that I'm going to give a copy of MLCS to his folks, and they'll leave it lying around the house--which is what they do.] Still, there's that one part of me a little upset about not reaching more people, even though this is unachievable without the aforementioned Fame aspect.
I also think I'm generally kind of sad about finalizing my story because it's just how we're geared: People have the capability to emote to certain extremes, and we want to stretch those feelings--hence the popularity of action movies [adrenaline] and girly movies ["I just need a good cry"], and why getting married and having kids have the societal draw that they do [emotional peaks]. I stretched my empathy to the brink in writing MLCS, and I have no idea how to repeat the performance, as it were--my other stories don't go nearly to the same extreme. How do I get quite the same peak as before? I sorta wonder if I didn't cap out early somehow.
Overthought, as I said. But I have to make up for skipping several days of LJ or something, don't I ¬_¬
...oh, I should prolly post the "easy" versions of the above =p [note: not to scale, hence the "draw over them again anyway" part]
gum