3203: Dominion
In a board-games-as-metaphor-for-life retrospection, mine right now feels like a hand of two Copper and three Estates: Enough to get, like, Moat, but Moat's not available. It's not even the starting hand, so to have five Copper on the next, or starting hand but getting Militia-ed out of my five before my next turn even though that's not possible... 9_9
Lay terms: I'm living this state of feeling about ten steps behind everyone else, even though I know damn well I'm prolly in a much better position than most of the people I could point to at random on the street.
Unless I'm, like, in a well-to-do neighbourhood where everyone else is bound to be making at LEAST $40k/yr on their own. I'm not there yet by a long shot =/ but I can afford most of the necessities [and some unnecessities], and whatever I can't get isn't so important to me as cravings would have me believe. Like,
*minus Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, which is just too laughable as a "sequel" for me to like
So I feel bad about all kinds of things I shouldn't feel bad about. I keep losing at Dominion--if not by the usual 20+ points, then the 1[!!! always this spread!!!]--but at the end of the day the goal is to have fun and be social, so it doesn't matter. I keep throwing aside whatever project I start because I get a better idea later, only to have the same thing happen to THAT project. Even my one recent 3p win in PR to tiebreak [65, 6 dubs me; 65, 1 dub metalfox; 53 Chars] only left me with an unsatisfied feeling because I have yet to win at Dominion, vs. the 3/55?+ I've gone for PR.
I found an old Dear Abby about a couple who discovered only when their second child was 5 that both children had a bone deficiency that made them like Mr. Glass from Unbreakable. The younger would never have forgiven his parents for knowingly bringing him into the world with his condition, had they, but he vowed not to pass the deficiency along to his children.
It's stories like this that make me madder when remembering RN telling me I had to have a child--"at least one!"--when who knows what problems I would be creating, especially with my lack of a predilection for childrearing. More and more I wish I had thrown away polite deferences and told her off in so many words.
I do in fact have yet another replacement current project, though, but [insert excuses here]. I never figured a bestiary of my characters would be of particular interest without accompanying content, yet I happened to remember an old children's book that was precisely that--random odd monsters and a "Zoo Books"-esque description of each. [Spent hours looking for it online, can't find it, not inclined to spend more time searching...]
So... why the hell not =p On that note, MOAR!:
Next, I'll get back on Fan, after getting over the aggravation of ruining my first piece... >_< [It's salvageable by cropping, but without desired end result.] I guess I keep giving up because I have no reassurance that what I do will be appreciated--even by me--once it's done, but for all I know the one book had one fan--me--and that seems to be enough. I mean, how good do I really expect to get with a handicap of eight hours/workday plus declining interest? If fun isn't enough, I may as well quit completely.
I also remembered the Etsy account I'd been planning to use... eh, I don't want to get into the hassle of mail-order service again until I have a reproducible product [need to see what FedEx/Kinko charges vs. Lulu, etc.] to balance out the number of crap originals [sat on, grease stains cut off, and so on]. Would like to get these things to an appreciative home instead, though.
Lay terms: I'm living this state of feeling about ten steps behind everyone else, even though I know damn well I'm prolly in a much better position than most of the people I could point to at random on the street.
Unless I'm, like, in a well-to-do neighbourhood where everyone else is bound to be making at LEAST $40k/yr on their own. I'm not there yet by a long shot =/ but I can afford most of the necessities [and some unnecessities], and whatever I can't get isn't so important to me as cravings would have me believe. Like,
- home ownership,
- the ability to regularly buy all my friends dinner for the hell of it,
- a new car vs. the gift one I've been stretching for the past ten+ years,
- a new computer just because,
- a new [almost anything here] just because,
- etc.
*minus Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, which is just too laughable as a "sequel" for me to like
So I feel bad about all kinds of things I shouldn't feel bad about. I keep losing at Dominion--if not by the usual 20+ points, then the 1[!!! always this spread!!!]--but at the end of the day the goal is to have fun and be social, so it doesn't matter. I keep throwing aside whatever project I start because I get a better idea later, only to have the same thing happen to THAT project. Even my one recent 3p win in PR to tiebreak [65, 6 dubs me; 65, 1 dub metalfox; 53 Chars] only left me with an unsatisfied feeling because I have yet to win at Dominion, vs. the 3/55?+ I've gone for PR.
I found an old Dear Abby about a couple who discovered only when their second child was 5 that both children had a bone deficiency that made them like Mr. Glass from Unbreakable. The younger would never have forgiven his parents for knowingly bringing him into the world with his condition, had they, but he vowed not to pass the deficiency along to his children.
It's stories like this that make me madder when remembering RN telling me I had to have a child--"at least one!"--when who knows what problems I would be creating, especially with my lack of a predilection for childrearing. More and more I wish I had thrown away polite deferences and told her off in so many words.
- "Why would I want to do that?"
- "So I should spend half my money and waking hours on something I don't want."
- "Oh, but you HAVE to buy a boat! It's expensive, there's nowhere to keep it, and it doesn't do you a lick of good! You have to get at least one!"
I do in fact have yet another replacement current project, though, but [insert excuses here]. I never figured a bestiary of my characters would be of particular interest without accompanying content, yet I happened to remember an old children's book that was precisely that--random odd monsters and a "Zoo Books"-esque description of each. [Spent hours looking for it online, can't find it, not inclined to spend more time searching...]
So... why the hell not =p On that note, MOAR!:
Next, I'll get back on Fan, after getting over the aggravation of ruining my first piece... >_< [It's salvageable by cropping, but without desired end result.] I guess I keep giving up because I have no reassurance that what I do will be appreciated--even by me--once it's done, but for all I know the one book had one fan--me--and that seems to be enough. I mean, how good do I really expect to get with a handicap of eight hours/workday plus declining interest? If fun isn't enough, I may as well quit completely.
I also remembered the Etsy account I'd been planning to use... eh, I don't want to get into the hassle of mail-order service again until I have a reproducible product [need to see what FedEx/Kinko charges vs. Lulu, etc.] to balance out the number of crap originals [sat on, grease stains cut off, and so on]. Would like to get these things to an appreciative home instead, though.