2506: Deserted - 姉と弟と・・ [Stage3]
Blatherskite [not entirely blabbering]: I still feel like 
, but by this point it also feels like I'll live... -_- compared to earlier.
Anyway, lemme tell you about the Random Decision Maker really quick. [Fawx thinks he knows what this is, but the one he's seen me use is slightly different.]
The main thing I learned in college was that I would never get anything done if I sat around being undecided on small stuff, like did I actually feel like going to class when I felt like shit 'cause I might as well make a decision before I went anyway but was late. I could always argue pros and cons for either choice, but it would take an external force to make me choose one over the other.
So, I would look at a clock.
The RDM is always always always a digital clock, and I use whether the last digit of the time is even or odd to decide what to do [and make a huge effort to make myself stick to the result]. To minutes is fine but to seconds is even better, in case I forget which choice I assigned to what so I could simply look away for an indeterminate amount of time and try again. If only to minutes is available, thankfully there are usually at least two in the area to try =p
The portable RDM is my watch, which has always been analogue since my father coached me on preparing for the ACT/SAT exams. His reasoning is that since we use this ancient Babylonian sixtieths crap that I can always tell at a glance how much time I have remaining--that is, "8:50" might make me accidentally think, "Oh, fifty is half, so I have half an hour left," when I actually have ten minutes. [Don't laugh, it's easy to do -_-;] With the PRDM, I split the choices into left [:30 to :59] and right [:00 to :29], and if it lies right at :00 or :30, I wait a second for my answer.
Of course, I don't let the time run my life entirely. I've honed my indecision to at least have some bearing on my circumstances. For instance, I knew I'd forgotten SOMETHING IMPORTANT this week >_< and was going to get it after work. As 8a loomed, though, with bail looking iffy, I decided that if I was still there at 8:20, I might as well resign myself to being there [but stay to shop], since Char has been leaving earlier to get to work these days, despite living closer. When 8:15 hit and it looked like I had an out, I remembered that there isn't always someone waiting to check in my equipment, so I decided that if no one was there I would stay to shop. My Evil Twin* was there, so I giddily raced home to see Char off--arriving just in time to see him driving out T_T
*She stoled my name. I can't think of anything more memorable and less identifying, though, but I really don't ever have anything to say about her.
Now, I should [and for the most part do] consider myself lucky, because since moving in with him I've only not seen Charles for one calendar day, during my high school reunion last year. Most days I only see him maybe a few minutes total, but I do see him, and whether I'm there or not he's never doing anything I would find disagreeable.
It still gets lonely, though, being an Option =p not to mention I'm ALSO out a higher-res Ando until I go back to work, since 1. it's the closest My Store, and 2. we usually sell DVDs for $10+ less than anywhere else, even without my discount.
*Round Laser, Level 2*
What all that means, though, is I feel like I'm being responsible but not. On things like whether I should feel so bad about little things like not getting home when I plan to be home [Type A: it is responsible and beneficial helping out at work vs. Type B: vague feelings of abandonment], I know I should recognize when I'm just being clingy, but it's difficult being objective about that stuff. I'm better than I have been, I know, and--among other things--the progress of Random Decision Maker [entirely] to Informed Decision Based on Circumstance Decision Maker is supporting evidence of that.
Still, I wonder if it's enough. It's a fine line between "justifiable feelings of neglect" and "needs less time on hands" [though I'm sure it's much more the latter], although you may have noted that my Informed Decision left me with neither, in the end X/
BTW, the fuss yesterday [if you missed it, it gone now, but it was meant to be temporal] was about thinking I had a free morning then coming home lateish to a last-minute assignment that kept me up until 3p ...::T_T::... I still have to post things, but that'll have to wait until after a serious nap XP
Totally unrelated: I need [term used loosely] a pair of fingerless gloves. I've seen my co-workers wearing them, so ostensibly they'd be helpful, but I would like to have a pair for purposes of reference, preferably ones that come a bit past the wrist [~4+cm-ish].
, but by this point it also feels like I'll live... -_- compared to earlier.
Anyway, lemme tell you about the Random Decision Maker really quick. [Fawx thinks he knows what this is, but the one he's seen me use is slightly different.]
The main thing I learned in college was that I would never get anything done if I sat around being undecided on small stuff, like did I actually feel like going to class when I felt like shit 'cause I might as well make a decision before I went anyway but was late. I could always argue pros and cons for either choice, but it would take an external force to make me choose one over the other.
So, I would look at a clock.
The RDM is always always always a digital clock, and I use whether the last digit of the time is even or odd to decide what to do [and make a huge effort to make myself stick to the result]. To minutes is fine but to seconds is even better, in case I forget which choice I assigned to what so I could simply look away for an indeterminate amount of time and try again. If only to minutes is available, thankfully there are usually at least two in the area to try =p
The portable RDM is my watch, which has always been analogue since my father coached me on preparing for the ACT/SAT exams. His reasoning is that since we use this ancient Babylonian sixtieths crap that I can always tell at a glance how much time I have remaining--that is, "8:50" might make me accidentally think, "Oh, fifty is half, so I have half an hour left," when I actually have ten minutes. [Don't laugh, it's easy to do -_-;] With the PRDM, I split the choices into left [:30 to :59] and right [:00 to :29], and if it lies right at :00 or :30, I wait a second for my answer.
Of course, I don't let the time run my life entirely. I've honed my indecision to at least have some bearing on my circumstances. For instance, I knew I'd forgotten SOMETHING IMPORTANT this week >_< and was going to get it after work. As 8a loomed, though, with bail looking iffy, I decided that if I was still there at 8:20, I might as well resign myself to being there [but stay to shop], since Char has been leaving earlier to get to work these days, despite living closer. When 8:15 hit and it looked like I had an out, I remembered that there isn't always someone waiting to check in my equipment, so I decided that if no one was there I would stay to shop. My Evil Twin* was there, so I giddily raced home to see Char off--arriving just in time to see him driving out T_T
*She stoled my name. I can't think of anything more memorable and less identifying, though, but I really don't ever have anything to say about her.
Now, I should [and for the most part do] consider myself lucky, because since moving in with him I've only not seen Charles for one calendar day, during my high school reunion last year. Most days I only see him maybe a few minutes total, but I do see him, and whether I'm there or not he's never doing anything I would find disagreeable.
It still gets lonely, though, being an Option =p not to mention I'm ALSO out a higher-res Ando until I go back to work, since 1. it's the closest My Store, and 2. we usually sell DVDs for $10+ less than anywhere else, even without my discount.
*Round Laser, Level 2*
What all that means, though, is I feel like I'm being responsible but not. On things like whether I should feel so bad about little things like not getting home when I plan to be home [Type A: it is responsible and beneficial helping out at work vs. Type B: vague feelings of abandonment], I know I should recognize when I'm just being clingy, but it's difficult being objective about that stuff. I'm better than I have been, I know, and--among other things--the progress of Random Decision Maker [entirely] to Informed Decision Based on Circumstance Decision Maker is supporting evidence of that.
Still, I wonder if it's enough. It's a fine line between "justifiable feelings of neglect" and "needs less time on hands" [though I'm sure it's much more the latter], although you may have noted that my Informed Decision left me with neither, in the end X/
BTW, the fuss yesterday [if you missed it, it gone now, but it was meant to be temporal] was about thinking I had a free morning then coming home lateish to a last-minute assignment that kept me up until 3p ...::T_T::... I still have to post things, but that'll have to wait until after a serious nap XP
Totally unrelated: I need [term used loosely] a pair of fingerless gloves. I've seen my co-workers wearing them, so ostensibly they'd be helpful, but I would like to have a pair for purposes of reference, preferably ones that come a bit past the wrist [~4+cm-ish].