614: gone again
Veteran readers of this journal [that makes it sound like an accomplishment, doesn't it? ^^:] may recall the purge of 2003, clearing out three years of entries of possible historical value that I nevertheless despised, due to that idiot perfectionistic streak in me. Mostly, I like the idea of remembering general, universally-applicable lessons but not specific incidences unless they're directly related to the lesson. For instance, I've bitched at least three times about the idiot roundabout I have to use to get to work and how every other driver on the road is ignorant of roundabout rules even when signs are posted at each entrance to yield to traffic in the circle, but it's useless noting every specific incident. I noted the bus only because that was a flagrantly upsetting one--about all that would top that is if a POLICE CAR did it =p
I still haven't gotten over the desire for a fresh wipe, but regularly reminding myself of the scratchpad nature of this journal keeps me from doing it again... at least until I have a more valid reason than "not perfect enough." I mean, it would be nice clearing out everything about Nag that would remind me of her after we've moved out, but selectively removing those entries would be a pain.
So I've been digging through old e-mails and so on to locate lost addresses I was hoping I still had in some form [found all of one that I'm sure is still good] and have unearthed a number of old memories, some good*, some neutral, but mostly bad/forgettable. While I've learned [hopefully] from them, I don't see the value in keeping negative memories with no specific lesson, such as a good number of the vivid nightmares I've had, or why who I've called My Tormentor originally made that assault on me [which to this day I still can't remember and don't feel like asking about, in case MT also doesn't remember and would be upset that that is my only solid memory of that person].
*Fawx: In case of sniper, free milkshake XDXDXD
What I was hoping, in my purge, was that all the valuable memories would bubble back to the surface of my consciousness and I would record them again in a more archivable form. I have no idea if I've achieved that effect, since the only way to know for certain would be to drudge up every memory I've ever had and check them against what I've recorded... not only impossible, but a severely daunting task "Murder is bad."
"Why?"
"...um... because it takes away the only life a person has."
"Why is that bad?"
"...because then that person can't do anything anymore."
"Why is that bad?"
o_O;
Seriously, it's just like that, but with less extreme variables.
Similarly, I'm getting Lazy Justin* vibes from the newbies. I mean, I expect newbies to be a little daunted by work, particularly weekends, because they haven't been doing it long enough to establish a proper frame of reference. However, what makes Justin significant is that he retained that "I don't want to do work" attitude months and months after doing the job. Come on, I'm doing my job. I get a bit aggravated when I get bitched at because my doing my job means more work for you than you expected to do. It's that refusal to empathize that makes it all the tougher to bear, moreso when I bring out a light pull that would take fifteen minutes to do yet still get the, "Why is it so big?" complaint for it.
*retroactive tag--it should update accordingly when I can find the prior entry/ies and re-tag them
The reason I don't complain about other people dumping work on me, and why I got held over doing stupid shit when I was supposed to bail at eight [actually, seven] and buy meals so Char could eat lunch today is that it means no one else can complain that I wasn't being a team player. It wasn't supposed to be my job to do all of Dayside's leftovers and the purge that someone threw on us. I did it because someone else would complain if I didn't, and because I've worked with nearly every position in the store short of managing to understand what they do and what constitutes a reasonable amount of work, even if it means the only way I can skip out is if Robert or one of the other Dayside TLs offers to do the work for me so they can snatch my PDT and do their work.
...I think the other part of the originally-slated post was about drawing, but I haven't finished that enough to show. It has to do with studies of people, and why I don't seem to be able to differentiate between distinct people unless I draw faces at least 1:2 scale [more than 6" large], and even then I have a hard time making it look like who I'm trying to draw. It may be a matter of style, though.
I still haven't gotten over the desire for a fresh wipe, but regularly reminding myself of the scratchpad nature of this journal keeps me from doing it again... at least until I have a more valid reason than "not perfect enough." I mean, it would be nice clearing out everything about Nag that would remind me of her after we've moved out, but selectively removing those entries would be a pain.
So I've been digging through old e-mails and so on to locate lost addresses I was hoping I still had in some form [found all of one that I'm sure is still good] and have unearthed a number of old memories, some good*, some neutral, but mostly bad/forgettable. While I've learned [hopefully] from them, I don't see the value in keeping negative memories with no specific lesson, such as a good number of the vivid nightmares I've had, or why who I've called My Tormentor originally made that assault on me [which to this day I still can't remember and don't feel like asking about, in case MT also doesn't remember and would be upset that that is my only solid memory of that person].
*Fawx: In case of sniper, free milkshake XDXDXD
What I was hoping, in my purge, was that all the valuable memories would bubble back to the surface of my consciousness and I would record them again in a more archivable form. I have no idea if I've achieved that effect, since the only way to know for certain would be to drudge up every memory I've ever had and check them against what I've recorded... not only impossible, but a severely daunting task "Murder is bad."
"Why?"
"...um... because it takes away the only life a person has."
"Why is that bad?"
"...because then that person can't do anything anymore."
"Why is that bad?"
o_O;
Seriously, it's just like that, but with less extreme variables.
Similarly, I'm getting Lazy Justin* vibes from the newbies. I mean, I expect newbies to be a little daunted by work, particularly weekends, because they haven't been doing it long enough to establish a proper frame of reference. However, what makes Justin significant is that he retained that "I don't want to do work" attitude months and months after doing the job. Come on, I'm doing my job. I get a bit aggravated when I get bitched at because my doing my job means more work for you than you expected to do. It's that refusal to empathize that makes it all the tougher to bear, moreso when I bring out a light pull that would take fifteen minutes to do yet still get the, "Why is it so big?" complaint for it.
*retroactive tag--it should update accordingly when I can find the prior entry/ies and re-tag them
The reason I don't complain about other people dumping work on me, and why I got held over doing stupid shit when I was supposed to bail at eight [actually, seven] and buy meals so Char could eat lunch today is that it means no one else can complain that I wasn't being a team player. It wasn't supposed to be my job to do all of Dayside's leftovers and the purge that someone threw on us. I did it because someone else would complain if I didn't, and because I've worked with nearly every position in the store short of managing to understand what they do and what constitutes a reasonable amount of work, even if it means the only way I can skip out is if Robert or one of the other Dayside TLs offers to do the work for me so they can snatch my PDT and do their work.
...I think the other part of the originally-slated post was about drawing, but I haven't finished that enough to show. It has to do with studies of people, and why I don't seem to be able to differentiate between distinct people unless I draw faces at least 1:2 scale [more than 6" large], and even then I have a hard time making it look like who I'm trying to draw. It may be a matter of style, though.