Define broken
It's amazing how many times you can fail at something you want so badly.
If at first you don't succeed, try try again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
and again.........................
I don't think I'm capable of loving the way I've always dreamed I would. Maybe I'm just not ready. Maybe I move too fast, maybe I "fall" too hard, and maybe I just don't fall hard enough.
Someone once told me I'm not an easy person to know and I guess that's true too because lately, I just don't even know myself.
I should be across the world right now and I have kept myself here in the states almost an entire week trying to pick myself back up so I can face the things that I know I need to do. That's gonna leave a huge dent in my paycheck and to be honest I don't even care if I get fired and never make it to Ireland. Not right now.
I'm flying HOME again tomorrow, instead of flying to IRELAND today like I was supposed to, per request from a very important person that I need to make things right with before I leave. I think he's the last one...besides the obvious. And I almost said no. I almost just hopped on that flight this morning, my 3rd attempt to fly across the seas this week. But I know how important it is for us to be in each other's lives, as friends. As anything.
I've been in my current position for two nights now and he still refuses to talk to me. His mother forced him to be polite but I'm sure the only reason he complied was the fact that she was in her hospital bed. I'm starting to think I really did lose this and...the more real it becomes the more broken I feel. I don't want to run away but standing still isn't doing any good. I've done all I can I've made amends, I've made apologies, I've begged forgiveness, I've sacrificed time, money, effort and heart. For everyone involved in this. Everyone. I've run out of cards to play and I've run out of tears to cry and I'm going to continue on the only way I know how until something breaks through. Something will break through.
You know. Friends are amazing things. They can be like rubberbands. Sometimes you stretch them to their limits and just when you think you can't push any further, they surprise you. I try to be like that. But sometimes I snap. Sometimes I break and sometimes I don't satisfy everyone. I screw up, I make mistakes. BIG mistakes. I'm trying to fix him. That's all I know that's left to say. I'm trying
If at first you don't succeed, try try again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
and again.
and again.........................
I don't think I'm capable of loving the way I've always dreamed I would. Maybe I'm just not ready. Maybe I move too fast, maybe I "fall" too hard, and maybe I just don't fall hard enough.
Someone once told me I'm not an easy person to know and I guess that's true too because lately, I just don't even know myself.
I should be across the world right now and I have kept myself here in the states almost an entire week trying to pick myself back up so I can face the things that I know I need to do. That's gonna leave a huge dent in my paycheck and to be honest I don't even care if I get fired and never make it to Ireland. Not right now.
I'm flying HOME again tomorrow, instead of flying to IRELAND today like I was supposed to, per request from a very important person that I need to make things right with before I leave. I think he's the last one...besides the obvious. And I almost said no. I almost just hopped on that flight this morning, my 3rd attempt to fly across the seas this week. But I know how important it is for us to be in each other's lives, as friends. As anything.
I've been in my current position for two nights now and he still refuses to talk to me. His mother forced him to be polite but I'm sure the only reason he complied was the fact that she was in her hospital bed. I'm starting to think I really did lose this and...the more real it becomes the more broken I feel. I don't want to run away but standing still isn't doing any good. I've done all I can I've made amends, I've made apologies, I've begged forgiveness, I've sacrificed time, money, effort and heart. For everyone involved in this. Everyone. I've run out of cards to play and I've run out of tears to cry and I'm going to continue on the only way I know how until something breaks through. Something will break through.
You know. Friends are amazing things. They can be like rubberbands. Sometimes you stretch them to their limits and just when you think you can't push any further, they surprise you. I try to be like that. But sometimes I snap. Sometimes I break and sometimes I don't satisfy everyone. I screw up, I make mistakes. BIG mistakes. I'm trying to fix him. That's all I know that's left to say. I'm trying