Body and Image - Woman’s Survey
This is a Survey from Newt in a Teacup. On her blog she writes:
Inspired by a comment or two in a previous post I’ve decided that it would be a great idea to compare our experiences in an honest, straightforward way. I’m not quite sure what the best way to start a discussion is so I’ve set up a few survey-style questions.
One thing I’ve noticed, especially from personal experience, is that it’s very hard to talk to someone else, a friend or family member for instance, who does have really bad body image/ health issues to do with body image. And it’s pretty clear that all of us will most probably meet at least someone with those issues; we can’t avoid it.
So let’s start talking to each other at least.
Copy and paste the questionnaire to your own blog, fill out what you want to fill out, and link it back here in the comments. If you don’t have a blog just do it straight into a comment.
Please do not refer to just yourself but to your friends and family as well - i.e. the environment you live in, or anything else you want to share. Add or remove questions if you want! Remember this is a loose questionnaire, intended to start an honest discussion not solve the worlds problems.
So, here goes.....
Name: Jen
Age: 33
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 199
Do you consider yourself attractive? Sometimes
Do others consider you attractive? I think so. I get a lot of reinforcement to that affect.
What is your biggest insecurity and why? I'm really bothered my my stomach - it's just this big flap. Especially now that I've lost so much weight. I hate having it there.
Have you/Would you consider using plastic surgery? Why or why not? Heck yea at this point. I feel a bit deformed and like I'm missing out on a chance to blend in and appear more normal than I feel now. It scares the heck out of me though. It's a lot of cutting.
What is your relationship with make-up? I really only wear make up when I'm feeling really good about the way I look or if I'm going out for the evening. In my new job, I've been wearing it more often. I'm treated nicer when I'm dolled up, so it's an incentive to do it. I rarely wear it when I'm alone with myself, or running errands. Never at the PTJ unless I already had it on.
How much money do you/think is reasonable to spend on your appearance? I spend a lot actually. Especially when I'm feeling insecure. I will snap up a mani/pedi, drop $100 on makeup and buy new threads if I'm feeling especially worisome and have someplace I need to be.
What is your experience of dieting? .Puberty was cruel to me. I got curves and a big chest very early on and immediately decided I was fat. I joined various weight loss programs with my mom when I was a teen. I developed anorexia and bulemia over time. I've done a variety of diets as an adult that only contributed to my messed up metabolism. I'm doing OK now, but that's mostly because of surgery.
Have you/ anyone you know tried any specific diet programs i.e. Lighter Life? How did that affect your health? your moods? your relationships?Weight Watchers made me angry. I really resented them. I went every week, paid my money, stood on the scale and went to the meeting. There was very little individual attention at the program and I felt like they were just in it for the money. At the same time, people were so gushy about how wonderful it was I was in WW. I think they were trying to be supportive, but it just made me crankier. Overall, it wasn't a good experience.
The affects of Gastric Bypass surgery are just really starting to show for me. Other people's reaction to me has changed a bit. I feel more self confident. I don't have as many health concerns, so it frees up my life for so many other things. I have lost 2 friends because I've become thin. As far as I'm concerned, it's not that big of a loss. Everyone else who knows me is just riding this out with me.
Do you have any experiences of eating disorders i.e. either yourself or someone you know?. I've been anorexic and bulemic. I have several female friends who've been both as well. One friend was regularly hospitalized for anorexia.
How did other people react to this; what was the fallout? I had an adult mention to me once the symptoms of anorexia while I was anorexic as a teen, but beyond that, there was no intervention. I was encouraged to lose weight if I felt bad about the way I looked by my mother. When I talk about my past eating disorders now to people who knew me then, they say nothing.
Ultimately, I permanently damaged my metabolism by repeatedly starving myself which caused heavy weight gain the last 10 years.
Have you had negative experiences relating to your appearance and people’s reactions to it? . When I was a young teen, I was called fat all the time. Back then, I wore a lot of baggy clothes to try and cover my curves. I had more curves than my older sister. She was teased for looking like a boy, so she told everyone the reason I had breasts and hips was because I kept getting pregnant and having abortions (not true), so after that, every little bit of weight I gained in high school was fodder for more insults.
As a very heavy adult, I've had complete strangers walk up to me in bars, at restaurants, at the airport or in stores and call me names - fat bitch, fucking cow, etc out of no where. Usually they'd just walk away, but in a couple cases, I've been pushed, or told to leave. It's very disconcerting.
What about positive reactions to your body? I've flaunted myself (my big breasts usually) and gotten a lot of sexual, positive feedback. I really like that, but I don't mistake it for the real affection. It's my way of feeling in control by manipulating people through being shocking and confident. No one gets hurt.
I really don't know how to handle it if someone tells me I'm pretty or beautiful. I believe it to a small extent, but I think it's circumstantial. Like being the prettiest person in the room at that moment as opposed to being pretty in general. I just don't know how to deal with it.
How has your body image and attitude changed over the years? As a teen, I thought I was fat when I wasn't. In college, I started to realize I might actually be attractive. In my 20's, I don't think I thought about it much either way - I was too busy making mistakes and trying to fix them. In my 30's, I've gotten to where I can accept myself for what I am. Vanity is getting to be a growing problem for me. It's driving insecurity as I'm moving into social areas where I'm not that comfortable. Dating is hard. I think overall, I'll be ok.
What do you love about your body? .I think I have a nice back, nice face and nice feet.
What is your opinion on the media portrayal of women’s bodies? I think women's bodies are treated like objects to be changed to a transient ideal. Modification seems to be the M.O. Look taller, younger, thinner, more exotic. Have perfect skin, perfect butt, perfect hair. Women's bodies are an ongoing project. They very rarely seem to be taken as they are for what they are.
What would you change about the way you/ your friends/ your family/ general people see their bodies? I'd like everyone to be able to look at themself naked in the mirror, smile, relax and walk away instead of making that face and squinting their eyes. I'd wish that everyone would aspire to health and not a picture in a magazine.
What makes you feel beautiful? .High heels, a dress with a flowy skirt and a low neckline, makeup, jewelry, a cocktail, and people watching me when I enter a room.
and just for fun… Do you shave legs/pits/upper lip moustache? .Yep. Yep. Yep
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