My Largess
It's Memorial Day. Perhaps I should be grilling hot dogs or letting the wind blow through my hair while riding around on the back of a boat, but I've spent most of the day in bed. I got up a bit to watch Oprah, and decided the better of it, took a hot bath and went back to bed to read. Now here I am again.
A week or so ago, a guy from the PTJ asked me to help him move this weekend. I had a few reactions, the first of which was flattery. You see, no one has ever asked me to help them move which I presume was because of the way I looked before. I probably appeared to be more of a liability on moving crew than an asset and I was. I've never helped anyone move besides myself. Second, I realized if this guy was asking me to help him move after knowing my such a short amount of time, he really needed help. Finally, I recognized that karma dictated that I repay the debt to others who over many many years had helped me move my 14 times in 10 years. So I agreed.
I showed up to meet the crew who were helping. Our task for the day was to unpack a storage space into a moving truck and move the contents into the new apartment. The "crew" consisted of myself, Tim, the one who asked me to help, his teenage son and his son's friend, and two others from the PTJ - a mom who worked there part-time in her early 40's (Judy) and another teenage boy. I had expected 4 or 5 others Tim had mentioned to me, but they weren't around. Hmmm...
The storage unit was packed to the ceiling with furniture, boxes, and lots of loose stuff jammed in the cracks. Confident in my moving skills I grabbed a box and hoisted it to the deck of the UHaul. More confident, I decided to load up the dolly with more and decided to get this stuff done quick. I took a little run at the ramp on truck and got stuck in the middle and started to slide backwards a scary proposition on a narrow metal ramp. I had to get one of the teens to help me push it up. Embarrassed and nervous I was suddenly very aware at how weak I am and also how much I relied on my own physical size to move things around before. Humility abound and right at the beginning of the day! I vowed to stay off the ramp and only lift what I could. The problem was that the single dad and his teenage son had backed big boxes jammed full of everything so the boxes were unwieldy and heavy. So much for my great generosity. I felt like a human speed bump but with a small crew I was a little bit of help - something better than nothing. We got the truck to the apartment and started unloading. The other woman pulled me aside and wanted to discuss the situation. She was feeling overwhelmed too so we decided we'd leave by noon. We almost had the truck unloaded, knowing it would need to go back for a second load at the storage space, I picked up a box to walk it to the elevator and something pulled. It was a twinge. I continued to the elevator and set it down. Apparently I had made a noise because the other gal came over and asked me if I was OK. I stuck to little things after like bags of hangers, winter coats and lamps, then Judy and I left - she gave me a ride back to my car at our meeting space.
I decided to do a little shopping and while walking through Target, I noticed my back was getting tight. Still a bit allergic to anything outdoors I coughed and felt my back tighten up some more. I tried on a new swimsuit (the one I bought in January is too big) and bending over I had to slow down considerably and take a little time to stretch. My back seizing up so soon after activity was a bad sign. I came home and sat for a bit. I had gotten up early to meet the moving crew and decided to take a nap. When I woke up from my nap, there was a lot of pain.
Basically, my sorry little self is not ready to move anyone. I might look normal and healthy under this fine phsyique I'm as weak as a kitten. Time to start that weight training program I've been putting off for the last 6 months.
That ties into something else I've spent a lot of brain time on - me and my fat suit.
When I started to lose weight, I melted. The fat layer under my skin dissolved and instead of my skin being tight and full (you've seen it in elbows and knees and upper arms where the skin almost looks tight and bulging), everything loosened into a more natural shape. My bony parts started to emerge as did my muscles, cheek bones and general parts of my anatomy that hadn't been seen in a while. It was cool. On thing - it became very uncomfortable to sit because I was actually sitting on my pelvic bones and without that layer of fat the bones pushed on the skin and basically, it's just darn uncomfortable. I wonder if it would be better if I built up big butt muscles to sit on. Would that help? I'm not really planning on working to get any of that ass fat back. No thanks.
In the last couple of weeks, that has changed into something else. As I've been losing weight most of my skin has been elastic enough to shrink down with me, but now I've gotten to the part where my skin won't shrink anymore. I can literally shift my skin layer around over my muscular-skeletor frame. It's just like when I put on a pair of jeans that are too big. I can stick my thumbs in the belt loops and twist them around my hips and pulling them up and down. I can make the back pockets slide over my hips and rearrange the placement of the zipper. I can do that with my skin, though not quite to that extreme. As I sit in my comfy chair, when I shift my weight, I have to completely lift myself from the surface and reposition otherwise my bones and muscles shift under my skin and everything without my skin actually moving and my butt crack doesn't end up where it should be and it gets all uncomfortable. It's a really strange feeling.
As this layer of fat continues to dissolve, everything will get looser and looser and I will have the look of one of those Asian dogs. As the skin that was previously stretched and torn loosens, it looks like pantyhose streaked with runs. It's like crepe paper. Like old lady skin. It makes the anticipation of plastic surgery all that more vibrant, but the idea of what would have to happen to trim off the excess and tailor the fat suit down to something more fitting just seems, well, out of the Silence of the Lambs. It scares the hell out of me when I think about the monumental task it will be to refit my skin to me when all of this is over. Yuck.
But that won't be for at least two years, so I'll have to find a way to make they sexy old lady, Asian dog thing look good.
I made some really good smoked trout mousse and stuffed cherry tomatoes for my friend's Memorial Day party, and I was going to share the recipes, but I've got to go. My back is a mess and my butt is sore from sitting here. I'm going to go get back in bed.
I'm taking the day off work tomorrow to give my back another day. It's bound to loosen up. The thought of sitting there all day with my messed up back while watching Kate play her part in a Shakespeare Comedy just doesn't sound like that much fun. I have two days of sick time left in my bank. After that I'd have to take vacation. I'm bummed that I've used up so much sick time already, but that's just how it's gone at this job. You know?
Oh, BTW, Zoe called me back. She was at the lake this weekend with friends. She said she'd call me when she's back in town. Mother of two boys, recently out of a seven year relationship with a GF that cheated on her. Still friends with her boys' dad. More later. I gotta go lay down.
A week or so ago, a guy from the PTJ asked me to help him move this weekend. I had a few reactions, the first of which was flattery. You see, no one has ever asked me to help them move which I presume was because of the way I looked before. I probably appeared to be more of a liability on moving crew than an asset and I was. I've never helped anyone move besides myself. Second, I realized if this guy was asking me to help him move after knowing my such a short amount of time, he really needed help. Finally, I recognized that karma dictated that I repay the debt to others who over many many years had helped me move my 14 times in 10 years. So I agreed.
I showed up to meet the crew who were helping. Our task for the day was to unpack a storage space into a moving truck and move the contents into the new apartment. The "crew" consisted of myself, Tim, the one who asked me to help, his teenage son and his son's friend, and two others from the PTJ - a mom who worked there part-time in her early 40's (Judy) and another teenage boy. I had expected 4 or 5 others Tim had mentioned to me, but they weren't around. Hmmm...
The storage unit was packed to the ceiling with furniture, boxes, and lots of loose stuff jammed in the cracks. Confident in my moving skills I grabbed a box and hoisted it to the deck of the UHaul. More confident, I decided to load up the dolly with more and decided to get this stuff done quick. I took a little run at the ramp on truck and got stuck in the middle and started to slide backwards a scary proposition on a narrow metal ramp. I had to get one of the teens to help me push it up. Embarrassed and nervous I was suddenly very aware at how weak I am and also how much I relied on my own physical size to move things around before. Humility abound and right at the beginning of the day! I vowed to stay off the ramp and only lift what I could. The problem was that the single dad and his teenage son had backed big boxes jammed full of everything so the boxes were unwieldy and heavy. So much for my great generosity. I felt like a human speed bump but with a small crew I was a little bit of help - something better than nothing. We got the truck to the apartment and started unloading. The other woman pulled me aside and wanted to discuss the situation. She was feeling overwhelmed too so we decided we'd leave by noon. We almost had the truck unloaded, knowing it would need to go back for a second load at the storage space, I picked up a box to walk it to the elevator and something pulled. It was a twinge. I continued to the elevator and set it down. Apparently I had made a noise because the other gal came over and asked me if I was OK. I stuck to little things after like bags of hangers, winter coats and lamps, then Judy and I left - she gave me a ride back to my car at our meeting space.
I decided to do a little shopping and while walking through Target, I noticed my back was getting tight. Still a bit allergic to anything outdoors I coughed and felt my back tighten up some more. I tried on a new swimsuit (the one I bought in January is too big) and bending over I had to slow down considerably and take a little time to stretch. My back seizing up so soon after activity was a bad sign. I came home and sat for a bit. I had gotten up early to meet the moving crew and decided to take a nap. When I woke up from my nap, there was a lot of pain.
Basically, my sorry little self is not ready to move anyone. I might look normal and healthy under this fine phsyique I'm as weak as a kitten. Time to start that weight training program I've been putting off for the last 6 months.
That ties into something else I've spent a lot of brain time on - me and my fat suit.
When I started to lose weight, I melted. The fat layer under my skin dissolved and instead of my skin being tight and full (you've seen it in elbows and knees and upper arms where the skin almost looks tight and bulging), everything loosened into a more natural shape. My bony parts started to emerge as did my muscles, cheek bones and general parts of my anatomy that hadn't been seen in a while. It was cool. On thing - it became very uncomfortable to sit because I was actually sitting on my pelvic bones and without that layer of fat the bones pushed on the skin and basically, it's just darn uncomfortable. I wonder if it would be better if I built up big butt muscles to sit on. Would that help? I'm not really planning on working to get any of that ass fat back. No thanks.
In the last couple of weeks, that has changed into something else. As I've been losing weight most of my skin has been elastic enough to shrink down with me, but now I've gotten to the part where my skin won't shrink anymore. I can literally shift my skin layer around over my muscular-skeletor frame. It's just like when I put on a pair of jeans that are too big. I can stick my thumbs in the belt loops and twist them around my hips and pulling them up and down. I can make the back pockets slide over my hips and rearrange the placement of the zipper. I can do that with my skin, though not quite to that extreme. As I sit in my comfy chair, when I shift my weight, I have to completely lift myself from the surface and reposition otherwise my bones and muscles shift under my skin and everything without my skin actually moving and my butt crack doesn't end up where it should be and it gets all uncomfortable. It's a really strange feeling.
As this layer of fat continues to dissolve, everything will get looser and looser and I will have the look of one of those Asian dogs. As the skin that was previously stretched and torn loosens, it looks like pantyhose streaked with runs. It's like crepe paper. Like old lady skin. It makes the anticipation of plastic surgery all that more vibrant, but the idea of what would have to happen to trim off the excess and tailor the fat suit down to something more fitting just seems, well, out of the Silence of the Lambs. It scares the hell out of me when I think about the monumental task it will be to refit my skin to me when all of this is over. Yuck.
But that won't be for at least two years, so I'll have to find a way to make they sexy old lady, Asian dog thing look good.
I made some really good smoked trout mousse and stuffed cherry tomatoes for my friend's Memorial Day party, and I was going to share the recipes, but I've got to go. My back is a mess and my butt is sore from sitting here. I'm going to go get back in bed.
I'm taking the day off work tomorrow to give my back another day. It's bound to loosen up. The thought of sitting there all day with my messed up back while watching Kate play her part in a Shakespeare Comedy just doesn't sound like that much fun. I have two days of sick time left in my bank. After that I'd have to take vacation. I'm bummed that I've used up so much sick time already, but that's just how it's gone at this job. You know?
Oh, BTW, Zoe called me back. She was at the lake this weekend with friends. She said she'd call me when she's back in town. Mother of two boys, recently out of a seven year relationship with a GF that cheated on her. Still friends with her boys' dad. More later. I gotta go lay down.