betterish
sometimes life is an illogical twist of circumstances that are all rolled up together like they are pretending that they fit into your life, but you can never really understand how.
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so in directing yesterday someone was presenting their show and it made me really think. The show they are doing is Agnes of God. Which is a really interesting play. It actually is based on a true story of something that happened in Rochester. I read it in high school and i remember my teacher telling me that it wasn't recieved very well there just because it touched to close to home with many people. But anyways what was interesting about what he siad is that we all look for validation in our lifes. A reason why we are living, we all want it explained to us, we try to make up answers, or make things ok so that we can feel better about life. And as he was talking i started to realize that that has been at least part of my problem for the past week. I've been trying to fid some answer that isn't there, trying to make myself feel better about my life because i don't like where i am right now. I don't like all that i have become.
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This weekend i went on a cleaning spree, like i couldn't stop, didn't want to stop, i just wanted to keep going and going. I didn't know why, i knew there was something wrong, but i couldn't tell exactly what it was, and i didn't want to know. I just wanted to be doing something else, and that apparantly decided to take the shape of cleaning. I cleaned my whole house, i think it's cleaner then it has been in like 5 or more years. And now i'm starting to feel slightlyt better cause as above i'm starting to understand what is truely bothering me. I can focus on it slightly better now, though i still won't let myself look at all of it. But thats ok, as long as i keep taking the steps to figure it out.
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so in directing yesterday someone was presenting their show and it made me really think. The show they are doing is Agnes of God. Which is a really interesting play. It actually is based on a true story of something that happened in Rochester. I read it in high school and i remember my teacher telling me that it wasn't recieved very well there just because it touched to close to home with many people. But anyways what was interesting about what he siad is that we all look for validation in our lifes. A reason why we are living, we all want it explained to us, we try to make up answers, or make things ok so that we can feel better about life. And as he was talking i started to realize that that has been at least part of my problem for the past week. I've been trying to fid some answer that isn't there, trying to make myself feel better about my life because i don't like where i am right now. I don't like all that i have become.
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This weekend i went on a cleaning spree, like i couldn't stop, didn't want to stop, i just wanted to keep going and going. I didn't know why, i knew there was something wrong, but i couldn't tell exactly what it was, and i didn't want to know. I just wanted to be doing something else, and that apparantly decided to take the shape of cleaning. I cleaned my whole house, i think it's cleaner then it has been in like 5 or more years. And now i'm starting to feel slightlyt better cause as above i'm starting to understand what is truely bothering me. I can focus on it slightly better now, though i still won't let myself look at all of it. But thats ok, as long as i keep taking the steps to figure it out.