And Still Jumbled
Pulled in too many directions right now, too many things to figure out. Hopefully offering useful support in the healing and peacemaking between friends who are long overdue to resolve hostilities which loom much larger than they should, in both friend's lives. Success remains to be seen, since both parties struggle with issues that long pre-date one another.
Leads to thoughts of school and reconsideration of psych, which I have always dismissed as an option because ... because it is pretentious. (?!) Cliched. An entirely subjective art trying to masquerade as science. But I don't know. Counselling/therapy/mediation as a career path has its draws. Seriously toying (?!) with thoughts of teaching again as well. Visiting the old crew at Lady E. for N.'s earth day event made me cry. I miss the little ones, and working with my darling Danielle. Thank goodness there is time yet to figure this out!
Still mulling muddling the question of habitation. No longer pathologically afraid of uprooting, I'm kind of excited because this next move will mark another step toward more fully severing my former state of dependence. Maybe a crazygirl blog post on that topic, I don't know. Still working out what goes where, and how much.
Dinner last night, with Hippy Poet. Can't even begin to sort my head on this. Suspect perhaps I am over inclined to analyze, too quick to look for labels and definitions where they are, as yet, un-needed. He ... I ... we. Yes. But? Well. Just well.
I made a kickass dinner. (Seriously! Beyond pleased with myself. Beef Tenderloin. Roasted mushrooms, onions, peppers and baby potatoes. green salad with balsamic, goat cheese, and oven dried tomatoes. apple blackberry crisp.) We ate, we talked, we played, listened to music, he told me about the job interview he went on. I fell asleep in his lap while he watched the hockey game. Woke up, talked, played some more. Lingering goodbye bliss.
This slow and gentle build is lovely, unaccustomed, and leaves me uncertain, in some ways. I am out of my depth, unable to figure out what's going on at all. Explosive relationships, intense immediate, and being claimed is what I'm used to, what I understand. Sharing myself with someone who lets me keep my Self is strange.
Leads to thoughts of school and reconsideration of psych, which I have always dismissed as an option because ... because it is pretentious. (?!) Cliched. An entirely subjective art trying to masquerade as science. But I don't know. Counselling/therapy/mediation as a career path has its draws. Seriously toying (?!) with thoughts of teaching again as well. Visiting the old crew at Lady E. for N.'s earth day event made me cry. I miss the little ones, and working with my darling Danielle. Thank goodness there is time yet to figure this out!
Still mulling muddling the question of habitation. No longer pathologically afraid of uprooting, I'm kind of excited because this next move will mark another step toward more fully severing my former state of dependence. Maybe a crazygirl blog post on that topic, I don't know. Still working out what goes where, and how much.
Dinner last night, with Hippy Poet. Can't even begin to sort my head on this. Suspect perhaps I am over inclined to analyze, too quick to look for labels and definitions where they are, as yet, un-needed. He ... I ... we. Yes. But? Well. Just well.
I made a kickass dinner. (Seriously! Beyond pleased with myself. Beef Tenderloin. Roasted mushrooms, onions, peppers and baby potatoes. green salad with balsamic, goat cheese, and oven dried tomatoes. apple blackberry crisp.) We ate, we talked, we played, listened to music, he told me about the job interview he went on. I fell asleep in his lap while he watched the hockey game. Woke up, talked, played some more. Lingering goodbye bliss.
This slow and gentle build is lovely, unaccustomed, and leaves me uncertain, in some ways. I am out of my depth, unable to figure out what's going on at all. Explosive relationships, intense immediate, and being claimed is what I'm used to, what I understand. Sharing myself with someone who lets me keep my Self is strange.