These are dark times
It's 1:45AM and I'm still awake. I'm even kind of crying, which is really strange because I rarely cry. I'm just too fucking stressed out to sleep, I guess. I'm not good at finals week.
I stayed home all day today because I would mostly miss review and would get a chance to catch up, but instead I slept and fucked around on the internet all day. Why is studying so fucking hard for me? I hate school because it somehow manages to always make me feel like such an idiot. I know I'm smart; I've got an IQ around 140 and I always score in the 99th percentile in aptitude tests but I can never concentrate and I keep getting F's.There's no way I can pass chemistry, but my dad will lose all faith in me if I fail. He'll point to his doctorate in biochemistry and demand to know why I didn't ask for help and I won't be able to answer. I don't know why it's so hard for me to just do that. Instead it's so much easier to sit through class in a daze punctuated by meltdowns every so often.
I've yet again gotten to the point where I just want to stay home all day and wallow in my self-loathing. I just have to quietly fail all the tests teachers are cramming in last-minute and force myself to try to study for next week. Here's hoping I can find some way to convince my math teacher to round my 89.8% to allow me to exempt his final.
posted via LiveJournal app for Android.