Touched
Last night while I walked my brother back to his dorm, we were walking towards this corner wherein there were three street kids seated on the curb and sharing over one cup of instant noodles.
This is one of life's moments wherein my heart is deeply shattered.
We know that life can never be fair and every time those moments pop up in front of me to reveal life's sad truth, I am deeply hurt. And what's even more hurting is knowing you can do something but it's just that you can't (maybe for the time-being, that is.) Every time that happens, I almost always just turn around and close my eyes and "ignore" if only to make things easy for me.
Not really.
I do that to make things be a little bearable because every time I do that I still feel pain and sometimes even consider it as a sin. Yes, a sin. My only consolation for that "sin" is uttering a small prayer of "God Bless you" for them. Still, I feel it isn't enough. Sometimes I think that's why I feel this way is because of guilt. Guilty of being able to experience the well-off life. But at the back of my head, i try to rationalize everything and end up having to recognize that it just happens that I have imbibed in me the lessons I've learned having graduated in a Catholic school. I try to re-channel that "guilt" into recognizing the value of social responsibility. I may not know the entirety of that value but I guess I know enough and have learned enough from my parents.
If there is one lesson that my parents taught us which really stucked into me, it is this: Help those people who really needs help.
It was this one Sunday after hearing mass and were making our way out of the church's gate. And there by the gate, a man was standing by - limping and holding on to his wooden casts. Surprisingly, my dad rolled down the car's window and dropped some coins into the old man's hand. And then right after, he told us that those were the kind of people who really deserves to have help lent to them. That moment deeply touched me and in fact, tears still well-up in my eyes as I remember it. Now, you might ask why I described that incident as a "surprising" one? It is because my parents do not believe in giving help in mere "dole-outs" form. In fact, sometimes they would shy away street children who comes up in gas stations or while you park your car, begging. It is not because they're masungit or greedy or whatsoever bad trait you can think of, but it is because ayaw nilang masanay yung mga bata and eventually tolerate their parents who are well-able to work but don't do so. You get the point, right?
I, on the other hand, also kept that in mind. That is why, mali man sa paniniwala ng iba, I choose who to help. Sometimes, I even fail to extend help to those who deserve them if only to be "fair".
But last night's encounter with those street children drove me out of my not-so-comfort zone (read: turning around and ignoring them) As we were nearing them, they might have seen the pity and care I had for them as I stared at them. So having notice that I was looking at them, the youngest of the three looked up and smiled (with noodles on the sides of his mouth) and teased us, saying "uy, magsyota.." while giggling. I didn't find it annoying as most of other notorious, so to speak, street kids who do that. (In fact, I found it really funny because I was with my brother!) Instead, I found it cute. Then beside him was an older boy who was enjoying his turn on the cup of noodles. He looked up and said "'Te, Kain."
Now that really got me that even while I kept walking with my brother, my mind was with those three kids. I was moved that I decided, since I will being going back to a nearby convenience door to get some water, I'm gonna got them something to eat too. When I walked back to the nearby convenience store, I had to pass by those three kids again and as I did, the older boys were now sharing their almost-gone noodles. I heard one saying, "hindi lang naman ikaw ang nagugutom eh.." That broke my heart again but at the same time touched me too, because he uttered it in such a way that he was not picking a fight with the other boy. So that made me hurried up more to get those crackers and water I wanted for them. As I passed them, one of the older boys stood up and walked after me. I must admit, I initially got scared because I thought he might go up to me and "bug" me. But he also walked into the store. The doorman initially held him but was eventually led inside with the former following him as he took a pack of noodles and went to the cashier. As I got 3 packs of crackers and 1 big bottle of water and my own bottle of water, I headed to the cashier. The cashier wasn't as nice as the doorman was to the little boy as the doorman even helped the boy's noodle "get cooked" with a cupful of hot water.
As I was finished with my transaction at the store, I was excited to give out my little aid to the three kids but I was nervous at the same time. Maybe because I was anticipating the well-up of emotions following my giving of help to them. You see, I'm extremely an emotional person.
Anyway, as I was walking towards them, the two older boys had already settled by the curb again while the younger one was dancing and running around. As I reached them, the younger one stopped and it was to him that I held out the plastic and told them that it was for them to take part in. His face lit up and i think I heard him say "wow" and went towards the two boys who had just raised their heads to see what had just happened. While the two other boys were checking what the plastic had, the other one looked up an said "Ay 'Te, Maraming Salamat po, Ah" to which I uttered a shy "Cge.." and hurriedly walk away.
I wanted to stay and take a look at their faces because for the third time that night they have touched me. I wanted to remember their face so I could go back and help them again. I wanted to stay and have a little chat with them because I know that talking to them and making them feel that someone understands them counts more than what financial aid we can give them. But because naunahan ako ng hiya at emosyon sabayan mo pa ng pangamba dahil gabi na, I had to, again, turn my back and walk away from them and holding back my tears and just say a little prayer for them.
I wrote about this not because I want to let the world know what I have just done and gain praises,accolades or whatever that maybe. But because I want to let you know how those little kids took their situation. They still had a seemingly happy disposition in life, did not fight over the food and more importantly had the courage and generosity to even offer their food to others. They were also respectful in such a way that they were not annoying street kids who notoriously beg and demand (yes, demand) for you to give them some help.
Now, what will letting you know of their situation bring? Simply, cliche as it may sound, to not only count your blessings but VALUE them. Now, I don't need to enumerate things on how one can do it but to just get the picture working, finishing what is left on our plate and not wasting food can do the trick. Now, before I start to sound like you parents or your Homeroom teacher, I now you get the picture already. But if you want to take the notch up higher, be more socially responsible and make others too.
This is one of life's moments wherein my heart is deeply shattered.
We know that life can never be fair and every time those moments pop up in front of me to reveal life's sad truth, I am deeply hurt. And what's even more hurting is knowing you can do something but it's just that you can't (maybe for the time-being, that is.) Every time that happens, I almost always just turn around and close my eyes and "ignore" if only to make things easy for me.
Not really.
I do that to make things be a little bearable because every time I do that I still feel pain and sometimes even consider it as a sin. Yes, a sin. My only consolation for that "sin" is uttering a small prayer of "God Bless you" for them. Still, I feel it isn't enough. Sometimes I think that's why I feel this way is because of guilt. Guilty of being able to experience the well-off life. But at the back of my head, i try to rationalize everything and end up having to recognize that it just happens that I have imbibed in me the lessons I've learned having graduated in a Catholic school. I try to re-channel that "guilt" into recognizing the value of social responsibility. I may not know the entirety of that value but I guess I know enough and have learned enough from my parents.
If there is one lesson that my parents taught us which really stucked into me, it is this: Help those people who really needs help.
It was this one Sunday after hearing mass and were making our way out of the church's gate. And there by the gate, a man was standing by - limping and holding on to his wooden casts. Surprisingly, my dad rolled down the car's window and dropped some coins into the old man's hand. And then right after, he told us that those were the kind of people who really deserves to have help lent to them. That moment deeply touched me and in fact, tears still well-up in my eyes as I remember it. Now, you might ask why I described that incident as a "surprising" one? It is because my parents do not believe in giving help in mere "dole-outs" form. In fact, sometimes they would shy away street children who comes up in gas stations or while you park your car, begging. It is not because they're masungit or greedy or whatsoever bad trait you can think of, but it is because ayaw nilang masanay yung mga bata and eventually tolerate their parents who are well-able to work but don't do so. You get the point, right?
I, on the other hand, also kept that in mind. That is why, mali man sa paniniwala ng iba, I choose who to help. Sometimes, I even fail to extend help to those who deserve them if only to be "fair".
But last night's encounter with those street children drove me out of my not-so-comfort zone (read: turning around and ignoring them) As we were nearing them, they might have seen the pity and care I had for them as I stared at them. So having notice that I was looking at them, the youngest of the three looked up and smiled (with noodles on the sides of his mouth) and teased us, saying "uy, magsyota.." while giggling. I didn't find it annoying as most of other notorious, so to speak, street kids who do that. (In fact, I found it really funny because I was with my brother!) Instead, I found it cute. Then beside him was an older boy who was enjoying his turn on the cup of noodles. He looked up and said "'Te, Kain."
Now that really got me that even while I kept walking with my brother, my mind was with those three kids. I was moved that I decided, since I will being going back to a nearby convenience door to get some water, I'm gonna got them something to eat too. When I walked back to the nearby convenience store, I had to pass by those three kids again and as I did, the older boys were now sharing their almost-gone noodles. I heard one saying, "hindi lang naman ikaw ang nagugutom eh.." That broke my heart again but at the same time touched me too, because he uttered it in such a way that he was not picking a fight with the other boy. So that made me hurried up more to get those crackers and water I wanted for them. As I passed them, one of the older boys stood up and walked after me. I must admit, I initially got scared because I thought he might go up to me and "bug" me. But he also walked into the store. The doorman initially held him but was eventually led inside with the former following him as he took a pack of noodles and went to the cashier. As I got 3 packs of crackers and 1 big bottle of water and my own bottle of water, I headed to the cashier. The cashier wasn't as nice as the doorman was to the little boy as the doorman even helped the boy's noodle "get cooked" with a cupful of hot water.
As I was finished with my transaction at the store, I was excited to give out my little aid to the three kids but I was nervous at the same time. Maybe because I was anticipating the well-up of emotions following my giving of help to them. You see, I'm extremely an emotional person.
Anyway, as I was walking towards them, the two older boys had already settled by the curb again while the younger one was dancing and running around. As I reached them, the younger one stopped and it was to him that I held out the plastic and told them that it was for them to take part in. His face lit up and i think I heard him say "wow" and went towards the two boys who had just raised their heads to see what had just happened. While the two other boys were checking what the plastic had, the other one looked up an said "Ay 'Te, Maraming Salamat po, Ah" to which I uttered a shy "Cge.." and hurriedly walk away.
I wanted to stay and take a look at their faces because for the third time that night they have touched me. I wanted to remember their face so I could go back and help them again. I wanted to stay and have a little chat with them because I know that talking to them and making them feel that someone understands them counts more than what financial aid we can give them. But because naunahan ako ng hiya at emosyon sabayan mo pa ng pangamba dahil gabi na, I had to, again, turn my back and walk away from them and holding back my tears and just say a little prayer for them.
I wrote about this not because I want to let the world know what I have just done and gain praises,accolades or whatever that maybe. But because I want to let you know how those little kids took their situation. They still had a seemingly happy disposition in life, did not fight over the food and more importantly had the courage and generosity to even offer their food to others. They were also respectful in such a way that they were not annoying street kids who notoriously beg and demand (yes, demand) for you to give them some help.
Now, what will letting you know of their situation bring? Simply, cliche as it may sound, to not only count your blessings but VALUE them. Now, I don't need to enumerate things on how one can do it but to just get the picture working, finishing what is left on our plate and not wasting food can do the trick. Now, before I start to sound like you parents or your Homeroom teacher, I now you get the picture already. But if you want to take the notch up higher, be more socially responsible and make others too.