Fic: A Sticky Situation
Author:
jelazakazone
Title: A Sticky Situation
Rating: PG (for language)
Character/s: Arthur, Merlin (a magical talking horse), Gwaine, Rumplestiltskin, The Evil Queen
Summary:Arthur finds himself in a sticky situation
Warnings:Arthur makes a fishy deal, there is a lot of hair here, and crack, lots of it.
Word Count: about 2.5K
Author's Notes: I’ve been wanting to write a Tangled/Merlin crossover with Gwaine as Rapunzel for a few months, so when this prompt of Tangled for Camelot Drabble came up, I could not resist. To make it even crackier, I have added some characters from Once Upon A Time as well. The first part was initially posted on Camelot Drabble. Here is the full story in all its cracky glory. Thanks to rufflefeather for her drabble which inspired Merlin's rescue attempt. Thanks to sidhe_faerie for cheerleading and looking this over, briefly. I didn’t give her much time. Also, enormous thanks to kleinefee92 for coming in and helping me clean the whole thing up and talking through all the inconsistencies.
“Who is it that wishes to cross my bridge?” an impish man with a grin asked.
“A knight on a quest to find the strongest substance in the land,” Arthur replied boldly.
“Then you must be Courage.”
“No, I'm Prince Arthur of Camelot. ”
“Of course you are!”
“How do you know about Arthur? Who are you?” said Merlin.
“I'm Rumplestiltskin, the keeper of the bridge, dearie. You want to cross, don’t you? But that will cost you,” he sniggered.
Arthur looked down at his horse and hissed, “Merlin, what the hell are we going to do now?”
Merlin rolled his eyes and snorted. “I guess we have to pay him, don’t we?”
Arthur sat up straighter on his horse and squared his shoulders.
“Okay then,” he rifled in his pouch, “here are 20 gold pieces.”
“Oh no, dearie. I don’t want money. What I want -- what I need -- is something for a rainy day.”
Arthur shifted impatiently on his horse, waiting for Rumpelstiltskin to reveal what he could give the man to get on with his mission.
The bridge keeper swirled and pointed at Arthur’s shoulder. In a soft voice he said, “That. That is what I require.” He giggled quietly to himself.
“Merlin, this man is mad. I won’t be parted from my cloak. I need it, to stay warm and dry.”
“Arthur, you can use the blanket under my saddle and you know it. We need to make haste.”
Reluctantly Arthur slipped the cloak off his back and held it out.
Rumplestiltskin reached out a knobby finger, as if to dry off tears that had not yet fallen, and Arthur jerked back.
“There, there dearie.” He retracted his hand and held it out, palm up, to receive the cloak.
Arthur closed his eyes and held the cloak out. Rumplestiltskin immediately swirled it around his shoulders. Then he swatted Merlin’s rump and laughed maniacally as the horse and rider bolted across the bridge.
“Good hunting to you,” he called after them.
~~~~
“Is your little bottom sore?”
“Yes, it’s been in contact with your bony back.” Arthur shifted, trying to find a more comfortable seat.
“Look. You were the one who volunteered.”
“Merlin, you know that no one else could be trusted for this mission.”
“I can see that. Clearly, no one else’s life is more disposable than yours,” he replied, voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Merlin, we are dealing with sensitive information here. You know that we cannot show any weakness to our enemies.”
“If your father has said that once, he’s said it a million times. I don’t understand how that’s worth risking your life. Surely Leon or Lancelot could have done this and with much less danger to your life, not to mention mine.”
“Merlin, no one knows we are here. Our lives are in no da-,” Arthur said, just before sliding off Merlin’s back and into the foliage.
~~~~
Arthur woke up with his hands tied behind his back and his feet bound together at the ankles with thick rope.
“Merlin,” he sputtered, “get over here and release me. This instant.”
Merlin sauntered over, lazily, before baring his lips and snipping the rope with his sharp teeth. “There you are, your highness.”
“Mmmm.” Arthur stretched, clearly enjoying his freedom. He looked around and noticed that he was at the base of a very tall tower, which seemed to be deserted, and in front of him was an overgrown garden.
He could not discern a path through the lush garden full of green sprigs and small colorful flowers sprinkled like bits of the rainbow throughout. He thought he recognized a carrot top and felt his stomach cramp with hunger. Arthur stood up, and before Merlin could say otherwise, he grabbed the green springs and pulled.
“Uh, Arthur. I think that was a bad idea.”
“Oh, Merlin. What could possibly go wrong here? We’re in the middle of nowhere and it’s deserted besides. I’m hungry. This garden is clearly abandoned. Oh, look at those beautiful apples.”
Arthur reached out for a bright red apple and brought it to his mouth with a satisfying crunch. Mouth full, he asked, “Mmm, Merlin, d’ya want one too?”
A voice from above distracted him. “Oi! Who’s there?”
They looked up and saw a man with beautiful long flowing tresses.
“Who are you?” he continued. “How did you get past the dragon?”
Arthur looked at Merlin, clearly alarmed, and dropped the apple. Merlin snaked his neck around and nimbly picked it up with his lips before crunching it with one bite and swallowing it. Arthur looked back up.
“Wait. Did you say, dragon?” he called back up.
“Aye. I did.”
At this, Arthur put his hand on Merlin’s flank to steady himself and wiped his brow.
“What have we gotten ourselves into? Merlin, did you know about this dragon?”
“I tried to tell you, but you were too busy raiding this garden and stuffing your face.”
“Hey, I’ll note that you were happy to inhale my dropped apple,” Arthur retorted.
“Oi!” The shout interrupted their bickering, reminding them of their situation.
“I’m not afraid of a dragon! I’ve got my magic talking horse here,” Arthur blustered.
“Look, princess, I didn’t say you were afraid, but the dragon is the least of your worries, because you’ve both eaten from the Evil Queen’s prize apple tree. Looks like you’re in a real tangle now.”
~~~
“What the hell?” Arthur threw his hands up in befuddled disgust. “Fine. Merlin, use your magic and poof us out of here.”
“Arthur, you know my magic doesn’t work that way. If Gwaine is to come with us, and I know you want him to come with us, he needs to be in contact with you or me.”
“Ok, then. Let them come. I’m the best warrior in the land and there is no one better at magic than Merlin.”
“Uh, yeah. I really don’t think that’s wise. Just go hide over there at the edge of the forest and come back later tonight when everyone is sleeping. Then I’ll let down my hair and you can come up here and we can talk privately.” Gwaine eyed Merlin warily.
Arthur bristled. “You saying we aren’t good enough to best your queen and dragon? I’ll bet we could take on twenty of them and still come out swinging.”
“No, I’m not questioning your abilities, but you haven’t met this dragon. I have.”
“I told you this was a bad idea, Arthur.”
Arthur ignored Merlin and continued saying to Gwaine, “I am no coward, and it looks like hiding in fear hasn’t exactly worked wonders for you.”
Gwaine put his hands up to rub his face. He reappeared from behind his fingers and said, “Look, you are a right prat, but you aren’t going to help anyone if you get killed. Now, go hide, and come back when it’s full dark.”
Before Arthur could move, they heard a loud booming voice proclaim, “Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman.”
“Now you’ve got to go up,” Merlin said to Arthur.
“Shit. It’s too late. Quick, climb up my hair and hide in here. You can hide behind me. Magic won’t help you now.”
Arthur shimmied up Gwaine’s hair, lickety-split, and not a moment too soon because, just then, a great dragon hove into sight.
“My nose knows. Where is the Englishman?” the dragon roared, a small lick of flame escaping his mouth in anticipation of a tasty morsel.
Arthur whispered in Gwaine’s ear, “Quick, tell me what weapons you have in here that I can fight the dragon off with.”
“Weapons? The Evil Queen has locked me in this tower with nothing but myself for 18 years. Three times a day I let down my hair for her to ride up and deliver food, but never has she brought a weapon or tool.”
Arthur looked down at the sword hanging from his belt and then looked pointedly at Gwaine before drawing it.
“Here, hold out your hair and I will cut it off.”
Gwaine’s eyes sparkled and widened. He gasped and said breathily, “Oh, what a bold idea. If only your sword could cut through the strands. You see, my hair is the strongest substance in all the realms.”
Arthur whispered, “Ah, but this is not any blade; trust me. This is Excalibur.”
Reassured, Gwaine held his hair out and Arthur cut through it in one swift slash. Gwaine reeled, dizzy from the loss of hair hanging off his head. He put a hand out on Arthur’s shoulder, steadying himself, before collecting himself and handing Arthur the loose ends.
Arthur received the gift solemnly, aware of its import, before fastening it to the plain brass hook on the wall. Ever the tactician, he stood at the window to see where the dragon was before lowering the plaited hair through the window and down the tall tower. He saw a tail whip past, signaling that the dragon was circling around them.
As he looked down, he realized that they would not have enough time to slide down the hair in time, but the sight of Merlin at the base of the tower brought him to his senses. How had he forgotten Merlin, his best weapon of all?
“Hisst, Gwaine. My horse can get us out of this mess. Quickly, coil your hair while I call him and we will be out of here in a moment!”
Arthur leaned out the window to see where the dragon was before he whistled down to Merlin. Merlin looked up just as the dragon rounded the tower again. Arthur was surprised at the speed of the dragon; he had looked so cumbersome. He quickly ducked back inside and flattened himself against the wall.
He counted to three and then said to Gwaine, “Okay, the next time the dragon passes, be ready to hop on my horse.”
Gwaine gave him an inscrutable look but didn’t question Arthur. When Arthur motioned for him to stand at the window, he obeyed with alacrity. Arthur stood behind him, hand around his waist and whistled for Merlin.
Arthur smiled as he felt the shock travel through Gwaine’s body when Merlin sprouted wings and flew up to the level of the window. Still holding on, they leapt from the ledge onto Merlin who shot away from the tower.
Arthur wondered if they would elude the dragon and got an answer to his question when a blast of flame shot underneath them. He looked back and gulped to realize the dragon was not as far away as he’d thought and it was gaining on them!
“Gwaine, we’ve got to do something. Merlin can’t overcome the dragon by himself while he’s flying. We need to help him.”
Seemingly fearless, Gwaine said, “Leave that to me,” before coiling the tresses and forming a noose. He played it out to throw into the air in a circle. Arthur looked on, amazed, as Gwaine controlled the rope and then flung it out. Although he missed, he had the look of someone who’d spent his life on a flying horse with a lasso in his hand.
Arthur hissed in his ear, “One more time,” not sure if he was trying to encourage the man or express his fear that they would die a fiery death if Gwaine missed the second time.
Gwaine merely nodded before throwing the lasso out and getting it ready. Arthur held his breath, waiting to see if Gwaine would make it … and he did!
The dragon jerked back from the force and bellowed in anger. He was a mighty creature of land and sky who had been caught by puny humans. He whipped his head and neck around, attempting to throw them from the sky, but Merlin’s magic protected them and they gradually brought him down to the edge of the garden where this whole adventure had started, and Gwaine wrapped more coils of hair around the dragon, pinning him in place.
Arthur was just about to sigh with relief when he heard an oily voice ask, “Who’s been nibbling on my apples?”
He’d forgotten all about Gwaine’s warning of the Evil Queen. Arthur’s heart sank, but he turned around, bracing himself.
In front of him stood the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, with shiny dark hair and porcelain skin. She wore a garnet heart around her neck and Arthur wondered if it was hers for she had a hard look about her, as though her heart was made of stone.
“So, you think you can just waltz in here and eat from my garden without consequence? You will pay for that.”
Arthur mentally added, “with your lives,” but hoped he was wrong. He stood his ground.
“Your majesty,” Arthur inclined his head, “I’m gravely sorry. We did not know this land belonged to anyone. I thought this was an untended, overgrown garden.”
Affronted, the Evil Queen huffed, “But, the vegetation thrives here and my apples are perfection.” She waved her hand and continued breezily, “Clearly you are an idiot. No matter.”
She looked at them with a gleam in her eye and drummed her fingertips against her chin, thinking.
“Ah, yes. I’ve just the thing. You stay there and I’ll be right back.” She threw something to the ground and a foul pink cloud arose from the ground, choking them.
Tears streamed from Arthur’s eyes and he felt himself falling.
When he awoke, there was no sign of the Evil Queen. In fact, there was no sign of the garden, or tower, or even the dragon.
Merlin was munching on some grass nearby and Arthur asked, “What happened?”
Merlin continued chewing for some moments before he finally turned around and looked at Arthur. He snorted and went back to chewing.
Arthur looked around for some clues and saw Gwaine, coming to on the ground nearby. He went over to check on the newly freed man.
“Gwaine, are you alright?”
“Mmm. I think so.” Gwaine rubbed his hand over his hair and his eyes widened as he came to the end of it. Tears welled up in his eyes. “My hair. I’d forgotten about my hair.”
Now Merlin sauntered over.
“Gwaine,” he said, “do not worry about your hair. It will grow back, and the hair you sacrificed is coiled up under the tree with the yellow flowers.”
Merlin looked over at Arthur and said, “It is getting late and Gwaine is quite tired. You will need to collect some firewood for your supper.”
Sternly, Arthur pointed at the horse’s muzzle. “Merlin, you are going to tell me what happened when I get back.”
Merlin just munched the grass, no doubt to irritate Arthur. Arthur sighed and headed into the woods for kindling and a few logs.
Gwaine, still prone, said to Merlin, “So, are you going to tell us what happened?”
“Oh, maybe someday I’ll tell Arthur. If you can keep a secret, I’ll tell you now.”
Gwaine’s eyes widened and he smiled, nodding. “I’d love to hear how you got away from those evil creatures.”
“Well, the pink smoke only affected you and Arthur, so I remained conscious. Once I was in contact with the earth, I could draw a vast amount of power and the Evil Queen was no match for me. I put both her and the dragon in a magical slumber, unbound the dragon, made contact with you and Arthur, and then transported us to this lovely spot in the woods far away from there.”
Gwaine smiled broadly. “You are a canny beast. Thank you.”
Merlin nodded and went back to his grass, chewing on the tender shoots he found in the clearing. Gwaine could have sworn the horse had a big smile on his face, knowing that the mystery would torment Arthur for some time.
Fin. The End. There won’t be any more of this. I hope.
This entry was originally posted at http://jelazakazone.dreamwidth.org/575173.html. Feel free to comment here or there.