Of conspiracies and ravens
I need to put this out into the ether. I can't write everything down just yet, because it's too much of jumbled mess. I didn't think I'd ever mentioned him here, but I found that I did, in one entry last year.
Well, he's back in my life and fully entrenched in my waking conscious.
And I need to put him down finally, for posterity. I need to exorcise the ghost of him, and fully exhume and excavate the space in my heart where I buried him in 2001, and then pretended that he never existed. I did that as a coping mechanism, I realize that now.
But love is a stupid emotion, is illogical in its very nature, and is ruled by the heart, which is not the organ responsible for rational thought. The heart also wants what it wants, reasoning and practicality be damned.
I will process this but it's a work in progress.
I'm fucked.
I'm also feeling more whole than I have, possibly in my entire adult life.
Well, he's back in my life and fully entrenched in my waking conscious.
And I need to put him down finally, for posterity. I need to exorcise the ghost of him, and fully exhume and excavate the space in my heart where I buried him in 2001, and then pretended that he never existed. I did that as a coping mechanism, I realize that now.
But love is a stupid emotion, is illogical in its very nature, and is ruled by the heart, which is not the organ responsible for rational thought. The heart also wants what it wants, reasoning and practicality be damned.
I will process this but it's a work in progress.
I'm fucked.
I'm also feeling more whole than I have, possibly in my entire adult life.