Goodbye, Daddy
Today I had an odd feeling.
Mom and Dad got into one of their epic fights again on Mother's Day, and she stayed overnight with me, and then with a friend, and then with my sister. The next day after that, she was back with Dad. I knew they'd fight again, so when a week later Mom was at my doorstep, I wasn't surprised.
So began the separation, but this time for real. They each tried to get the other removed from their lease on the apartment. Dad refused to pay rent on the first, and then insisted he was being evicted. Mom borrowed money from my sister to cover rent, and then on Monday I went with her to the office to find out what her options were on keeping the apartment since their lease was up. On Tuesday she went back with my sister and her husband, and they found out that my Dad had just been in there. That was the last anybody heard from him.
On Tuesday afternoon letters were stuck on everybody's door, informing us in advance of the city shutting down our water for an hour or two on Thursday. When I dropped off Rome on Wednesday, as I drove by his apartment (it's on the way) I noticed the letter there. When I picked up the boys it was still there. Thursday was Joshua's 8th grade graduation, and when I drove by it was there again. It was the last day of school yesterday for both kids and with Joshua's knee injury and his mobility issues stemming from it, I had my plate full. I picked up Rome that afternoon and noticed the letter still there. I promised the kids that we'd go swimming on Friday, and on the way to the pool the letter had not moved. After taking the boys to lunch and then back home, the letter was still in place. I knew this meant the door had not been opened.
So I called the police department to do a wellness check on him.
The police called me back and asked to meet with me. I knew what that meant.
Dad was found in his bed, with a book on space open, his glasses on it, a rosary in hand, his feet propped up, and a bowl of chocolate covered walnuts next to him. There were no pills strewn around, and the last time he checked his blood glucose was on June 3 according to the medical examiner who released his body. So Dad had been dead for about 3 days now.
Dad burned all his bridges with us. To the very last day, he was trying to get my Mom evicted and told her friend who was still trying to help them both out that he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Knowing that stung, but it's what he wanted and I've always tried to respect his wishes to the very end. But even knowing that, I still had him checked on, and while I knew this was a possible outcome, I was not quite ready for it.
Dad always said that he had a powerful spirit, and that after death he would be a supernova and stay on this earth for 40 days to deal justice where he felt it was not met. He had many people on his revenge list. Shawn, my sister's husband, went to their house while the police were still there to pick up a couple of things for my Mom, and he said while he was there he had words with my Dad in the empty unit. He yelled at him, was cross with him, but said that we loved him and we forgive him, and that he hopes he forgives us. Shawn said there was a candle on the kitchen counter, one of Our Lady of Guadalupe, that was clearly lit by my Dad a few days ago. He said as he was yelling at my Dad's spirit, that it stayed lit, but after he mentioned forgiveness the flame went out. Shawn said he felt as if that was Dad's spirit letting go, since the atmosphere in the room changed.
So in the end, Dad didn't go out with a supernova. He went out with the flicker of a candle light, and his passing coincided with the transit of Venus. I said about the transit, "There's a little black spot on the sun today" and those are words from King of Pain by The Police. That song sums him up so much.
I don't believe in coincidences, not since I've become so grounded in science. I feel things happen for a reason. He always said he didn't want to die with us crying over him, his last earthly image being that of his loved ones in tears. He wanted to die alone, at home, in peace. It seems like he got that, but we just found him a bit too late.
My guilt is overwhelming.
My heart is broken.
Mom and Dad got into one of their epic fights again on Mother's Day, and she stayed overnight with me, and then with a friend, and then with my sister. The next day after that, she was back with Dad. I knew they'd fight again, so when a week later Mom was at my doorstep, I wasn't surprised.
So began the separation, but this time for real. They each tried to get the other removed from their lease on the apartment. Dad refused to pay rent on the first, and then insisted he was being evicted. Mom borrowed money from my sister to cover rent, and then on Monday I went with her to the office to find out what her options were on keeping the apartment since their lease was up. On Tuesday she went back with my sister and her husband, and they found out that my Dad had just been in there. That was the last anybody heard from him.
On Tuesday afternoon letters were stuck on everybody's door, informing us in advance of the city shutting down our water for an hour or two on Thursday. When I dropped off Rome on Wednesday, as I drove by his apartment (it's on the way) I noticed the letter there. When I picked up the boys it was still there. Thursday was Joshua's 8th grade graduation, and when I drove by it was there again. It was the last day of school yesterday for both kids and with Joshua's knee injury and his mobility issues stemming from it, I had my plate full. I picked up Rome that afternoon and noticed the letter still there. I promised the kids that we'd go swimming on Friday, and on the way to the pool the letter had not moved. After taking the boys to lunch and then back home, the letter was still in place. I knew this meant the door had not been opened.
So I called the police department to do a wellness check on him.
The police called me back and asked to meet with me. I knew what that meant.
Dad was found in his bed, with a book on space open, his glasses on it, a rosary in hand, his feet propped up, and a bowl of chocolate covered walnuts next to him. There were no pills strewn around, and the last time he checked his blood glucose was on June 3 according to the medical examiner who released his body. So Dad had been dead for about 3 days now.
Dad burned all his bridges with us. To the very last day, he was trying to get my Mom evicted and told her friend who was still trying to help them both out that he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Knowing that stung, but it's what he wanted and I've always tried to respect his wishes to the very end. But even knowing that, I still had him checked on, and while I knew this was a possible outcome, I was not quite ready for it.
Dad always said that he had a powerful spirit, and that after death he would be a supernova and stay on this earth for 40 days to deal justice where he felt it was not met. He had many people on his revenge list. Shawn, my sister's husband, went to their house while the police were still there to pick up a couple of things for my Mom, and he said while he was there he had words with my Dad in the empty unit. He yelled at him, was cross with him, but said that we loved him and we forgive him, and that he hopes he forgives us. Shawn said there was a candle on the kitchen counter, one of Our Lady of Guadalupe, that was clearly lit by my Dad a few days ago. He said as he was yelling at my Dad's spirit, that it stayed lit, but after he mentioned forgiveness the flame went out. Shawn said he felt as if that was Dad's spirit letting go, since the atmosphere in the room changed.
So in the end, Dad didn't go out with a supernova. He went out with the flicker of a candle light, and his passing coincided with the transit of Venus. I said about the transit, "There's a little black spot on the sun today" and those are words from King of Pain by The Police. That song sums him up so much.
I don't believe in coincidences, not since I've become so grounded in science. I feel things happen for a reason. He always said he didn't want to die with us crying over him, his last earthly image being that of his loved ones in tears. He wanted to die alone, at home, in peace. It seems like he got that, but we just found him a bit too late.
My guilt is overwhelming.
My heart is broken.