Crash
Man it has been a while since I have been this down..I can't even sleep. I just feel myself falling to peices. Like everything is fine and then it all falls apart as if nothing was there to begin with.
I want someone to injure me. I can't explain why. It is this weird thing I have felt for years - both when I am depressed and no. Just force seppuku upon me, or shoot me with a Civil War rife in the heat of battle or blind me...I feel so abusive, but I am at the same time too weak to do anything to myself. Yes, I know if I gouge my eyes I wouldn't be able to draw and Reeves-san would be dissapointed cause he'd have to find a new manga-ka for his webcomic....I realize that but..it just makes me feel even more trapped. At least I am free here. I can write whatever I want and no one will pen me up in the insane assylumn - as long as my family and best friend back at home don't stumble upon this ^_^. I have to try to go to bed now, though I very much doubt I will be able to. I am just wasting time here, when I shoudl be fixing up my screwed up chem lab...yes it was all messed up and I had to redo almost all of it and now I am so confused I don't know what the crud to do..o my. Hopefully I will last tomorrow and Tuesday. Then I can catch my breath. Until then, I will be walking that thin line between sanity and depression. I think I will be ok..but a lot could happen between then and now (just look at this past weekend: going from the top of the world to this!!)....
I want someone to injure me. I can't explain why. It is this weird thing I have felt for years - both when I am depressed and no. Just force seppuku upon me, or shoot me with a Civil War rife in the heat of battle or blind me...I feel so abusive, but I am at the same time too weak to do anything to myself. Yes, I know if I gouge my eyes I wouldn't be able to draw and Reeves-san would be dissapointed cause he'd have to find a new manga-ka for his webcomic....I realize that but..it just makes me feel even more trapped. At least I am free here. I can write whatever I want and no one will pen me up in the insane assylumn - as long as my family and best friend back at home don't stumble upon this ^_^. I have to try to go to bed now, though I very much doubt I will be able to. I am just wasting time here, when I shoudl be fixing up my screwed up chem lab...yes it was all messed up and I had to redo almost all of it and now I am so confused I don't know what the crud to do..o my. Hopefully I will last tomorrow and Tuesday. Then I can catch my breath. Until then, I will be walking that thin line between sanity and depression. I think I will be ok..but a lot could happen between then and now (just look at this past weekend: going from the top of the world to this!!)....