(no subject)
Hey Luv,
It's so gorgeous out today... this week is forecast to be 80s and sunny with light breezes.... not too shabby for the beginning of Autumn.... but ya know - next week it will be 35 and frozen.... That's ok - i like it that way Better!!
This time of year is so difficult - oh please, all times of the year is difficult, but.... you know what i mean... you and i LOVED it!!! and i still do - but it's TINGED with, well, you being GONE...
i'm having a really hard time with "guilt" lately.... for the times I punished you or when i yelled about homework or visiting yucky sites on the internet.... i like to think it was just me being a Mom... a parent.... but, was I too hard? difficult? should i have let more things go? you know, those kinds of things...
logically, i know that more often than NOT, you needed a yell or whatever cuz... well.... you were a pain in the ass at times and you thoroughly enjoyed it too! LOL
Oh - i don't know Jeff.... i don't "whine" every day, (actually, Stephen might have a different opinion LOLOL) or cry EVERY DAY...or mope around the house touching your things and drooling in a corner..... but i'm so messed up! well, i supposed you could say i was a tad messed up before you died! LOL
I mean things i did last year, i can't do now.... and things i couldn't do last year, i can do now... SOMETIMES... it freakin' depends on the day, or the hour or whether the moon is in the 7th House - who the hell knows?
I guess i just hate all the crap that's in my head.... it's not flashbacks... they're little snippets of things - memories.... and it takes so much more now to find GOOD ones.... it just seems to be ones that hurt... or are sad...
Makes me so freakin' tired.... poor Stephen got stuck with a neurotic mess!! You better make sure you keep your wings wrapped around him and keep him safe..... it's the least you can do! Poor guy.... you left behind a mess of a Mom and Wife!
I guess i have more to say - but... i'll save it for another day...... cuz i can't remember what i was just going to type!
Hey.... forgive me?
LOVE YOU & shit..... life sux w/out you sweetie....
love MomMoms
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Hugs and Butterfly Kisses and Eskimo kisses!!
