Something to make you laugh!!!!!!!!
ADVANTAGES OF BREAST MILK
A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.
He received an A.
ORGAN THAT EXPANDS TEN TIMES
Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.
Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson. "Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."
"Very good, Sam. Thank you." Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
INTIMATE WITH A GHOST
A professor at the University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks them, "How many folk here believe in ghosts?"
About 80 students raise their hands. "That's a good start," says the professor, "For those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good," continues the professor, "I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response," remarks the impressed professor, "has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.
"Brilliant. But let me ask you one question further...
Have any of you ever been intimate with a ghost?"
One of his students from a Kentucky raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed that.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The Kentucky student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor asks, "Well, tell us what it's like to have made love to a ghost."
The Kentucky student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang it!... I thought you said 'goats.
If College Students Had Written The Bible
The loaves and fishes would be replaced by pizza and chips.
The Ten Commandments are actually only five - but they are double-spaced and written in a large font, so they look like ten.
The Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
Paul's letters to the Romans would become Paul's e-mail to the Romans.
Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather finals.
Tower of Babel blamed for foreign language requirement.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a freshman.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.
The Top 14 Tips for Surviving College
14. Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
13. Enjoy being a Sophomore -- It will be the best three years of your life.
12. Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it's all fun and games until someone loses their 'nads.
11. Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
10. Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative "home pharmaceuticals" business.
09. If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
08. Boring lecture? Start a wave!
07. College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
06. "I Phelta Thi" is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges.
05. Remember - almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
04. Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
03. Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.
02. Don't think of it as sleeping with your professor -- think of it as "acing Biology."
01. In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal
A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.
He received an A.
ORGAN THAT EXPANDS TEN TIMES
Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.
Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson. "Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."
"Very good, Sam. Thank you." Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
INTIMATE WITH A GHOST
A professor at the University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks them, "How many folk here believe in ghosts?"
About 80 students raise their hands. "That's a good start," says the professor, "For those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good," continues the professor, "I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response," remarks the impressed professor, "has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.
"Brilliant. But let me ask you one question further...
Have any of you ever been intimate with a ghost?"
One of his students from a Kentucky raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed that.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The Kentucky student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor asks, "Well, tell us what it's like to have made love to a ghost."
The Kentucky student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang it!... I thought you said 'goats.
If College Students Had Written The Bible
The loaves and fishes would be replaced by pizza and chips.
The Ten Commandments are actually only five - but they are double-spaced and written in a large font, so they look like ten.
The Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
Paul's letters to the Romans would become Paul's e-mail to the Romans.
Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather finals.
Tower of Babel blamed for foreign language requirement.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a freshman.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.
The Top 14 Tips for Surviving College
14. Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
13. Enjoy being a Sophomore -- It will be the best three years of your life.
12. Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it's all fun and games until someone loses their 'nads.
11. Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
10. Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative "home pharmaceuticals" business.
09. If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
08. Boring lecture? Start a wave!
07. College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
06. "I Phelta Thi" is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges.
05. Remember - almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
04. Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
03. Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.
02. Don't think of it as sleeping with your professor -- think of it as "acing Biology."
01. In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal