So Bad Dudes Tourney Round 1 Part 2
Just when you thought it was safe to post on the Blog, we have another round of So Bad, Dudes to vote for! Whereas the previous bracket was led by the overall number one seed, this bracket is led by the overall number two seed. And just like anything number two related, it’s Cyke Approved! Well, in this case, probably not.
THE RUSSO’S REVENGE TRIPLE CAGE MATCH BRACKET
VS.
[1] DINO BRAVO VS. [16] THE BIG SHOW
See what I mean about not being Cyke Approved? Our number two overall seed can best be described by the Master of the Number Two: He died as he lived: leaving the world to wonder, "How did anyone find this scrub important enough to warrant that treatment?". The self-proclaimed “Canada’s Strongest Man” was before my time, but apparently he had a feud with Jim Duggan. He was murdered by the Canadian Mafia after using his celebrity status to sell more illegal cigarettes than them. WELP. His 16th seeded opponent is maligned by many, yet just barely snuck into the tournament. Debuting in WCW as The Giant in 1995, Paul Wight was a member of the Dungeon of Doom, winning the WCW Championship until the arrival of the New World Order forced him to become a member. After turning heel and face a few times, along with taking up smoking, Wight headed to McMahonland in 1999 where he was dubbed The Big Show, and proceeded to turn heel and face just as much as he shaved his head and face. And he shaved a LOT. After 8295341762 heel and face turns, he is currently a heel with a wardrobe consisting of camo and bears. Which of these two will prove to be the Blog’s most hated wrestler?
VS.
[8] HORACE HOGAN VS. [9] ALBERTO DEL RIO
This bracket’s eighth seed is none other than the most charismatic man in wrestling, Horace Hogan! Horace is the son of Hulk Hogan’s dead brother, as we learned on an episode of Nitro. Hulk beat the crap out of Horace because he wanted the Warrior to see JUST EXACTLY WHAT HE COULD DO TO SOMEONE HE LOVES! Horace interfered in the awful rematch at Halloween Havoc 98, passing Hogan’s test. We never learned what exactly that test was, but it didn’t involve Andrew Martin. He did, however, pass the Blog of Doom’s test by making it into the So Bad, Dudes tournament. His ninth seeded opponent hails from MEXICO! ARRIBA! The son of Dos Caras, Dos Caras, Jr. made his way to America and WWE where he played pool in a mansion and talked about... stuff. Then he drove fancy cars to the ring and beat up Rey Mysterio. But it was his DESTINY, you see. He eventually realized said destiny by becoming WWE Champion, which he lost to John Cena just before a WWE tour of Mexico, which was the only reason he won the belt in the first place. Now that’s bad, dude. Will Horace use the POWER OF NEPOTISM to move on or will it be Alberto’s destiny to continue to the field of 32?
VS.
[5] PRINCE ALBERT-TRAIN TENSAI VS. [12] GENE SNITSKY
I feel that our fifth seed would be ranked a lot lower, or not at all, if it was still March 2012. Prince Albert arrived in the WWF as a guy who liked to pierce people. And Droz. He soon made the transition from wrestling dick joke to wrestling tits joke, joining forces with Test and Trish Stratus to become T&A. Following that, he danced for a bit until he became the A-Train and played second foil to Big Show against the Undertaker. After many years in Japan, where he supposedly got good at wrestling, he returned to WWE as Tensai and was somehow WORSE than he was before. But at least he shaved his back. His opponent probably SHOULDN’T have shaven his back in order to hide his nasty back-ne. Gene Snitsky hit the scene as a jobber who killed Lita’s baby, and then punted a baby doll into the crowd to intimidate her. He also liked Heidenreich’s poetry, and was the Best Man at Edge and Lita’s wedding. After this stint as an abortionist, he developed a foot fetish until one day he arrived in WWECW completely shaven and weird until he was released. Will the Snitsky campaign get derailed or will Albert’s campaign get aborted?
VS.
[4] ERIK WATTS VS. [13] MR. KEN KENNEDY/ANDERSON
Our fourth seed is the son of former WCW head booker Cowboy Bill Watts, Erik Watts! He lacked the talent his father had, not even able to perform a dropkick properly. He soon found his way to the WWF where he was a member of Tekno Team 2000, which was about as awful as it sounds. He somehow ended up in TNA and did a whole bunch of nothing outside of stinking up the ring. I can only assume he is now somewhere in Nepal trying to learn the secret of a properly executed dropkick. Now while Watts couldn’t throw a dropkick worth a damn, he at least didn’t hurt himself while doing so. Ken Kennedy debuted in WWE in 2005 to little fanfare, as all he could do was say his name and hurt himself. He was injured shortly after his debut, and also injured himself after winning the Money in the Bank in 2007. He also injured himself after he was penciled in as Vince’s Bastard Child, and again injured himself in the LA Lakers vs. EVIL DENVER CHICKEN NUGGETS match, which led to his firing. Now he’s in TNA as Mr. Anderson, and injures himself slightly less. Will Watts dropkick Kennerson out of the tournament or will Kennerson injure himself yet again?
VS.
[6] VAMPIRO VS. [11] TYPHOON/TUGBOAT/SHOCKMASTER
Our sixth seed is Vampiro, who probably did some stuff in Mexico before making his way to WCW in the late 1990s. There he did stuff like join forces with the Insane Clown Posse, attempt raping Asya and throwing a fake flaming Sting off of a titantron. Like, was he supposed to be WCW’s answer to the Undertaker? I never could understand that. Well whatever he was supposed to be, it sucked. And here is Andy to describe his opponent, who was going to SHOCK THE WORLD: More like Schlockmaster; this dude is the definition of a chump. He showed up in the WWF as an immediate Hulkamaniac and palled around with Hogan til even the markiest of fans got bored with him. After that he got a high profile gig in WCW as a construction worker on the Death Star. I think that’s who Randal and Dante were referring to in Clerks. Welp, I actually liked the Natural Disasters, but holy fuck, this guy was put into a Purple, Glittery Stormtrooper helmet and tripped on a board while crashing through a wall. That’s the definition of bad! Will Vampiro unleash the demons on the Shockmaster or will he SHOCK THE WORLD and tackle Vampiro through a wall on his way to the next round?
VS.
[3] ABYSS VS. [14] BASTION BOOGER
OOOOOHHHH, A-BYSS! I bet nobody remembers that annoying chant. Anyway, Abyss, our third seed, was pretty darn cool when he first debuted in TNA. Well, he had a cool moveset, but he wore jeans and a jean vest. INTIMIDATING! Although his scarred arms made Serpent Sky wet. What also made fans think less of him was that he looked like the love-child of Kane and Mankind. ManKane! Anyway, he switched to a leather suit and had some cool matches, but ENTER VINCE RUSSO, and he suddenly was jailed for murdering his mom and had a half-brother who was the son of the devil or something. He also started wrestling in hardcore matches, using thumbtacks in literally EVERY. SINGLE. MATCH. He became a running parody, and I haven’t even begun to cover the period where he wore Hulk Hogan’s ring and gained his music, entrance and moveset! His opponent was a big fat fatty who burped and farted on his way to the ring, because if anything is funny in the World Wrestling Federation, it’s FLATULENCE! Will Booger throw Abyss into the proverbial thumbtacks or will Abyss fall onto them himself?
VS.
[7] P.N. NEWS VS. [10] HORNSWOGGLE
YO BABY YO BABY YO! Get on your feet and clap your hands for our seventh seed, P.N. News! News was a big fat white rapper who did nothing in WCW, and then made a cameo in ECW for no reason whatsoever. But he wore the funkiest outfit in ever! The tenth seed is a little bastard, quite literally, as he was illegitimately sired by Vince McMahon! Or maybe Finlay? What the hell was even the point of that revelation? Maybe Glenn knows. Did I leave the garage door open this morning? What is the seventh digit of Pi? Anyway, Hornswoggle has been on many adventures, such as leading DX to Midget Court, running through a fake tunnel backstage, kissing the little girl from Modern Family, and learning how to talk. He won the heart of the Bunn, but apparently he hasn’t won the hearts of the rest of the blog, because here he is in the So Bad Dudes, Tournament. Will P.N. News YO BABY YO into the next round, or will Hornswoggle beat him there by way of the magical “No Jonathan Coachmans Allowed” tunnel?
VS.
[2] VAN HAMMER VS. [15] MIKE THE MIZ MIZANIN
The second seed of the bracket is another guy whose career peaked in 1998 by being featured as a playable character in WCW/nWo Revenge, Van Hammer. Well, if you could call that a peak. The faux-rocker stuck around WCW for much longer than he should have, and occupied insane amounts of television time. In 2000, Vince Russo had him join the Misfits in Action, a stable where all of the members had military gimmicks and nicknames. Who could forget the lovable General Hugh G. Rection? Hammer was to be renamed as “Private Stash” (GET IT?) but he hated being ranked so low, and was renamed Major Stash, despite the group already having Major Gunns. LOL HER BOOBIEZ WUZ BIG. Hammer failed to realize that the name was a joke, much like himself, which is why he finds himself here in the So Bad, Dudes Tournament. His opponent is AWWWWWWESOME, depending on who you ask. Mike Mizanin was a contestant on MTV’s The Real World, where he was lectured by a black chick about how to not be racist. He realized that this racist character might make a good wrestler, and by 2004 he was in the WWE as the Miz, though he dropped the racist gimmick. He lost Tough Enough to Daniel Puder and then disappeared until 2006 when he became the Host of SmackDown, flubbing lines left and right and forgetting the address of WWE’s own web page. A tag team with John Morrison led to him ditching his jorts for tights, and he finally won the WWE Championship in 2010. He beat John Cena at Wrestlemania, and has been in a career freefall ever since. Partly due to being a character playing a wrestler, but mainly due to sucking. Will Miz be introduce Hammer to the cruelty of the Real World, or will Hammer give us an encore in the Field of 32?
And that concludes the second round! Remember that voting is open all week, so please send all votes to tbanks531 AT gmail DOT com or via Facebook message.
THE RUSSO’S REVENGE TRIPLE CAGE MATCH BRACKET
VS.
[1] DINO BRAVO VS. [16] THE BIG SHOW
See what I mean about not being Cyke Approved? Our number two overall seed can best be described by the Master of the Number Two: He died as he lived: leaving the world to wonder, "How did anyone find this scrub important enough to warrant that treatment?". The self-proclaimed “Canada’s Strongest Man” was before my time, but apparently he had a feud with Jim Duggan. He was murdered by the Canadian Mafia after using his celebrity status to sell more illegal cigarettes than them. WELP. His 16th seeded opponent is maligned by many, yet just barely snuck into the tournament. Debuting in WCW as The Giant in 1995, Paul Wight was a member of the Dungeon of Doom, winning the WCW Championship until the arrival of the New World Order forced him to become a member. After turning heel and face a few times, along with taking up smoking, Wight headed to McMahonland in 1999 where he was dubbed The Big Show, and proceeded to turn heel and face just as much as he shaved his head and face. And he shaved a LOT. After 8295341762 heel and face turns, he is currently a heel with a wardrobe consisting of camo and bears. Which of these two will prove to be the Blog’s most hated wrestler?
VS.
[8] HORACE HOGAN VS. [9] ALBERTO DEL RIO
This bracket’s eighth seed is none other than the most charismatic man in wrestling, Horace Hogan! Horace is the son of Hulk Hogan’s dead brother, as we learned on an episode of Nitro. Hulk beat the crap out of Horace because he wanted the Warrior to see JUST EXACTLY WHAT HE COULD DO TO SOMEONE HE LOVES! Horace interfered in the awful rematch at Halloween Havoc 98, passing Hogan’s test. We never learned what exactly that test was, but it didn’t involve Andrew Martin. He did, however, pass the Blog of Doom’s test by making it into the So Bad, Dudes tournament. His ninth seeded opponent hails from MEXICO! ARRIBA! The son of Dos Caras, Dos Caras, Jr. made his way to America and WWE where he played pool in a mansion and talked about... stuff. Then he drove fancy cars to the ring and beat up Rey Mysterio. But it was his DESTINY, you see. He eventually realized said destiny by becoming WWE Champion, which he lost to John Cena just before a WWE tour of Mexico, which was the only reason he won the belt in the first place. Now that’s bad, dude. Will Horace use the POWER OF NEPOTISM to move on or will it be Alberto’s destiny to continue to the field of 32?
VS.
[5] PRINCE ALBERT-TRAIN TENSAI VS. [12] GENE SNITSKY
I feel that our fifth seed would be ranked a lot lower, or not at all, if it was still March 2012. Prince Albert arrived in the WWF as a guy who liked to pierce people. And Droz. He soon made the transition from wrestling dick joke to wrestling tits joke, joining forces with Test and Trish Stratus to become T&A. Following that, he danced for a bit until he became the A-Train and played second foil to Big Show against the Undertaker. After many years in Japan, where he supposedly got good at wrestling, he returned to WWE as Tensai and was somehow WORSE than he was before. But at least he shaved his back. His opponent probably SHOULDN’T have shaven his back in order to hide his nasty back-ne. Gene Snitsky hit the scene as a jobber who killed Lita’s baby, and then punted a baby doll into the crowd to intimidate her. He also liked Heidenreich’s poetry, and was the Best Man at Edge and Lita’s wedding. After this stint as an abortionist, he developed a foot fetish until one day he arrived in WWECW completely shaven and weird until he was released. Will the Snitsky campaign get derailed or will Albert’s campaign get aborted?
VS.
[4] ERIK WATTS VS. [13] MR. KEN KENNEDY/ANDERSON
Our fourth seed is the son of former WCW head booker Cowboy Bill Watts, Erik Watts! He lacked the talent his father had, not even able to perform a dropkick properly. He soon found his way to the WWF where he was a member of Tekno Team 2000, which was about as awful as it sounds. He somehow ended up in TNA and did a whole bunch of nothing outside of stinking up the ring. I can only assume he is now somewhere in Nepal trying to learn the secret of a properly executed dropkick. Now while Watts couldn’t throw a dropkick worth a damn, he at least didn’t hurt himself while doing so. Ken Kennedy debuted in WWE in 2005 to little fanfare, as all he could do was say his name and hurt himself. He was injured shortly after his debut, and also injured himself after winning the Money in the Bank in 2007. He also injured himself after he was penciled in as Vince’s Bastard Child, and again injured himself in the LA Lakers vs. EVIL DENVER CHICKEN NUGGETS match, which led to his firing. Now he’s in TNA as Mr. Anderson, and injures himself slightly less. Will Watts dropkick Kennerson out of the tournament or will Kennerson injure himself yet again?
VS.
[6] VAMPIRO VS. [11] TYPHOON/TUGBOAT/SHOCKMASTER
Our sixth seed is Vampiro, who probably did some stuff in Mexico before making his way to WCW in the late 1990s. There he did stuff like join forces with the Insane Clown Posse, attempt raping Asya and throwing a fake flaming Sting off of a titantron. Like, was he supposed to be WCW’s answer to the Undertaker? I never could understand that. Well whatever he was supposed to be, it sucked. And here is Andy to describe his opponent, who was going to SHOCK THE WORLD: More like Schlockmaster; this dude is the definition of a chump. He showed up in the WWF as an immediate Hulkamaniac and palled around with Hogan til even the markiest of fans got bored with him. After that he got a high profile gig in WCW as a construction worker on the Death Star. I think that’s who Randal and Dante were referring to in Clerks. Welp, I actually liked the Natural Disasters, but holy fuck, this guy was put into a Purple, Glittery Stormtrooper helmet and tripped on a board while crashing through a wall. That’s the definition of bad! Will Vampiro unleash the demons on the Shockmaster or will he SHOCK THE WORLD and tackle Vampiro through a wall on his way to the next round?
VS.
[3] ABYSS VS. [14] BASTION BOOGER
OOOOOHHHH, A-BYSS! I bet nobody remembers that annoying chant. Anyway, Abyss, our third seed, was pretty darn cool when he first debuted in TNA. Well, he had a cool moveset, but he wore jeans and a jean vest. INTIMIDATING! Although his scarred arms made Serpent Sky wet. What also made fans think less of him was that he looked like the love-child of Kane and Mankind. ManKane! Anyway, he switched to a leather suit and had some cool matches, but ENTER VINCE RUSSO, and he suddenly was jailed for murdering his mom and had a half-brother who was the son of the devil or something. He also started wrestling in hardcore matches, using thumbtacks in literally EVERY. SINGLE. MATCH. He became a running parody, and I haven’t even begun to cover the period where he wore Hulk Hogan’s ring and gained his music, entrance and moveset! His opponent was a big fat fatty who burped and farted on his way to the ring, because if anything is funny in the World Wrestling Federation, it’s FLATULENCE! Will Booger throw Abyss into the proverbial thumbtacks or will Abyss fall onto them himself?
VS.
[7] P.N. NEWS VS. [10] HORNSWOGGLE
YO BABY YO BABY YO! Get on your feet and clap your hands for our seventh seed, P.N. News! News was a big fat white rapper who did nothing in WCW, and then made a cameo in ECW for no reason whatsoever. But he wore the funkiest outfit in ever! The tenth seed is a little bastard, quite literally, as he was illegitimately sired by Vince McMahon! Or maybe Finlay? What the hell was even the point of that revelation? Maybe Glenn knows. Did I leave the garage door open this morning? What is the seventh digit of Pi? Anyway, Hornswoggle has been on many adventures, such as leading DX to Midget Court, running through a fake tunnel backstage, kissing the little girl from Modern Family, and learning how to talk. He won the heart of the Bunn, but apparently he hasn’t won the hearts of the rest of the blog, because here he is in the So Bad Dudes, Tournament. Will P.N. News YO BABY YO into the next round, or will Hornswoggle beat him there by way of the magical “No Jonathan Coachmans Allowed” tunnel?
VS.
[2] VAN HAMMER VS. [15] MIKE THE MIZ MIZANIN
The second seed of the bracket is another guy whose career peaked in 1998 by being featured as a playable character in WCW/nWo Revenge, Van Hammer. Well, if you could call that a peak. The faux-rocker stuck around WCW for much longer than he should have, and occupied insane amounts of television time. In 2000, Vince Russo had him join the Misfits in Action, a stable where all of the members had military gimmicks and nicknames. Who could forget the lovable General Hugh G. Rection? Hammer was to be renamed as “Private Stash” (GET IT?) but he hated being ranked so low, and was renamed Major Stash, despite the group already having Major Gunns. LOL HER BOOBIEZ WUZ BIG. Hammer failed to realize that the name was a joke, much like himself, which is why he finds himself here in the So Bad, Dudes Tournament. His opponent is AWWWWWWESOME, depending on who you ask. Mike Mizanin was a contestant on MTV’s The Real World, where he was lectured by a black chick about how to not be racist. He realized that this racist character might make a good wrestler, and by 2004 he was in the WWE as the Miz, though he dropped the racist gimmick. He lost Tough Enough to Daniel Puder and then disappeared until 2006 when he became the Host of SmackDown, flubbing lines left and right and forgetting the address of WWE’s own web page. A tag team with John Morrison led to him ditching his jorts for tights, and he finally won the WWE Championship in 2010. He beat John Cena at Wrestlemania, and has been in a career freefall ever since. Partly due to being a character playing a wrestler, but mainly due to sucking. Will Miz be introduce Hammer to the cruelty of the Real World, or will Hammer give us an encore in the Field of 32?
And that concludes the second round! Remember that voting is open all week, so please send all votes to tbanks531 AT gmail DOT com or via Facebook message.