Distraction
Everyday is filled with the need to distract myself.
I can't settle. Today was really hard and tomorrow's the same class.
Everything inside me feels like it needs to explode out of me but it doesn't know how.
I want to do so much yet can't settle enough to do anything. I feel so tired.
I feel like I can't do anything.
Everyday I'm just getting through to the next, there's no other option.
My self harm takes new routes all the time. Not just cutting. Things that leave no marks like stabbing pencils slowly into my arms, scratching but not deep enough to mark, knocking scabs off any real injury I have. What I want to do is be free to express what I need how I need without knowing the disappointment I'd see in those around.
I want to get better. I want to get better mentally but how without help?
I want to loose weight but how without support?
I want to be me but how when I don't know who I am?
I put the mask on every day. I just want someone to see through the mask. I want to not have to use the mask. I want to be free.