Gift fic for hikarinoniji
To: hikarinoniji
From: aneighthdomain
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Title: Nationwide Narrative Writing Month
Pairing/Group: Arashi, KinKi Kids, T&T Kanjani 8, NewS, KAT-TUN
Rating: R for language
Warnings: Strong language, Alternate Universe, Crack
Notes: If this seems like it’s been inspired by something, you would be right. Any resemblance to people or events is purely coincidental.
Summary: The mild insanity that happens at a write-in
“How the hell did Jin get to be the Metropolitan Link?” Koki asked, completely appalled when he saw Jin, who was wearing a sticky on the front of his shirt that said “ML: Bow Down to Me!” passing out the paper bags to the other NaNaKnights in the back room of the Ihop.
“He’s not,” Maru muttered, hefting his bag higher on his shoulder. “Ueda got it again this year, but Jin wouldn’t shut up until he let him help. Ueda told him that he could be a personal assistant this year and maybe next year he’ll let Jin be the ML.”
“It’s the last write-in of the month…” Koki said, raising an eyebrow. “Isn’t he a little late?”
Maru shrugged, setting his bag down and looking around for the plug. He hoped he got here early enough to get one since this was going to be longer than the two hour battery life he had on his notebook. “Who knows why Jin does the things that he does. He’ll probably forget next year away.”
Junno bounced up to the group holding several of the paper bags that Jin had been passing out to the other early comers. “I got each of us one!” he said excitedly. “These are so epic!”
Maru exchanged looks with Koki. Any time that Junno said “epic,” bad things were bound to happen. Like Junno spending the whole time playing ninja ropes on his iPhone and managing to get the high score right in the middle of a word war.
“Yes, epic,” Ueda said, coming back from whatever errand he had gone on. Maru thought that likely it was to tap a kidney. “Epically fail, and if I see your phone out once tonight I swear to porn that I am going to throw it across the room and make sure it shatters this time.”
Junno pouted as he continued to pass the bags out. “That’s not cool Uebo,” Junno muttered.
Ueda snatched the proffered back from Junno’s hand. “Shut the hell up, Ugly Taguchi.”
Maru sighed as his notebook loaded. It was going to be one of those nights. He just knew it. He took the bag from Taguchi and looked at it. “The Paper Bag of Destiny?” he asked. “What is a paper bag of destiny?”
“I’m glad you asked!” Jin said, suddenly popping out of literally nowhere. He held another of the paper bags with Sharpie scrawling on it. “This is the paper bag of destiny! Isn’t it shiny and pretty?”
Maru blinked. “That’s nice. I have one, too. What is its purpose?”
“Well if you open it up, there are nifty little things in it.” Jin huffed and rested his fists on his lips.
With a sigh, Maru opened his up. “Why is there a cow bell in my bag?”
“You got a cow bell?” Koki pouted at Maru. “I didn’t get a cow bell. You suck ass.”
Maru furrowed his brow. “It’s a freaking cow bell.” He looked up at Jin. “And I am still wondering why it’s in my bag.”
“I couldn’t afford to get everyone a cow bell,” Jin said, seriously. “I had to pay for this out of my own pocket after all.”
“Again, still wondering what the point is.”
“It’s for when someone hits 51k, duh,” Jin said as if it was obvious that was the true purpose of a cow bell, and not what the purpose of a cow bell in everyone else’s reality. Maru furrowed his brow. What was the purpose for a cow bell in everyone else’s reality?
“Dude, there’s candy in here!” Koki elated.
Maru rolled his eyes.
“JinJin!”
“Kazuya!”
“God, save me,” Ueda groaned. “He’s here.”
Jin and Kame leapt into one another’s arms and jumped up and down like two fangirls. “You’re late!” Jin accused.
“Eyah, I got lost.” Kame set his bag down on the table next to Maru. “I guess I wrote the directions that Ueda gave me wrong ‘cause I kept going to the bad part of town. Someone tried to car jack me!”
Maru leaned over toward Ueda. “It didn’t work last year, why did you try it again?”
Ueda sighed. “I was hoping that he was too dumb to figure it out if I got him nice and turned around.” Ueda shook his head and sighed. He glared at Kame and Jin when it looked like they were going to set up their laptops next to him. “Go sit somewhere else,” he growled at them.
Jin pouted. “But the outlet is over here.” Kame nodded in agreement.
“I am not sitting next to you asshats, go sit by the other plug. You guys are entirely too bipolar for me.”
“Well, I’m an ML in training so I should sit at the ML table,” Jin said as a matter-of-factly.”
“The ML table is by the other plug.”
“Oh. Okay.” Akame made their way to the table in the far corner.
Koki stared at Ueda. “How did you do that?”
Ueda shrugged. “I just told him what he wanted to know. No big deal.”
“Jin! Kame!”
“Oh, God,” Ueda groaned again.
“Did you get lost, too?” Kame asked.
Pi nodded and moved out of hearing rage for normal decibels. “Ueda really needs to learn how to give directions.” Unfortunately Pi had no concept of normal decibels.
“All three of you, shut the hell up!” This of course came from one of the kids in the back who always kept to himself and always seemed like he was wearing a disguise. None of them could figure out why Takki would try to disguise himself, but they let him keep that to himself, ‘cause the dude was seriously scary when he was in the zone and was being interrupted. Even AkamePi shut when he told them to. Plus, Tsubasa could kick all of their asses. Maru and Koki exchanged looks again.
Ueda called the waitress over and he, Junno, Koki and Maru all ordered outrageously fatty things to help them get over the inevitable munchies that were going to hit them later tonight and waited for everyone else to show up. Since it was the last write-in of the month, they were expecting everyone to show.
It didn’t take long for the rest of the NaNaKnights to show up, though most of them were late. That seemed to be the normal way of things as far as Maru had ever noticed. He, of course, was always right on time which meant that he was always early by everyone else’s standards. It was mostly to make certain that he got a plug. Ihop was notoriously low on outlets.
The next group to wander their way in was the creepy kids from Osaka. They all lived in Tokyo, but they had formed themselves a little clique since they all spoke with a Kansai dialect. Maru shrugged philosophically at them as they congregated around one particular table, but there was one particular boy that Ueda seemed to passionately hate, and they exchanged death glares from across the room.
Ryo was the only kid that Maru had ever seen withstand the death glare of the ML. Everyone else, including Maru was always seriously creeped-out by it.
“What are you looking at, Princess,” Ryo called out.
“Your face,” Ueda replied, glancing down at his screen and then back at Ryo. “It’s like a train wreck; I’m having trouble looking away.”
“Ooh, sick burn!” Junno whispered loudly.
“Shut up, Taguchi,” Ueda and Ryo said in unison.
Maru chuckled to himself. The next group to filter in was the five oldest guys. They had been doing NaNa for longer than the rest of them. There were younger ones that came in by ones and twos, but they were hardly of any note. Finally the rest of Yamapi’s group came in and it seemed that everyone was finally there.
Once everyone settled Ueda stood up on the table and whistle shrilly to get everyone’s attention. “Alright, assholes-“
“Ueda, we’ve talked about this,” Maru whispered. “You’re not supposed to call them that.”
“Oh yeah. Who was it that bitched again?”
“Jin.”
“First announcement, after carefully consideration, Jin will not be taking over as ML next year.”
Jin’s eyes went wide. “That’s not fair! You said!”
Ueda shrugged. “I changed my mind.” He ignored the fact that Kame and Yamapi were holding Jin back. “Next, I want to welcome you all to that last write-in of Nationwide Narrative Writing Month 2010. Tonight is the night to hit 51k if you want us to pretend we’re happy for you when really we are plotting your dramatic death scene in our stories. Even if we have to add you in at the last minute as a red shirt.”
There were some snickers and chortles around the room, and then there were some very serious looks that made Maru think that maybe Ueda wasn’t kidding.
“Next, Bakanishi brought us all goodie bags-“
“Paper bags of destiny!”
“-and some of them have cow bells in them. If I hear anyone one so much as think about ringing their cow bell, be prepared to eat it. Also I want to bring your attention to the far dark and possibly isolated-enough-to-have-sex-in-and-have-no-one-be-the-wiser corner over there.” Ueda pointed to a table that, to Maru’s surprise, was secluded enough that it was possible for a couple to have sex there without anyone figuring it out and the couple that sat there.
One of the guys flipped Ueda off but otherwise ignored him. “Those are the Osaka ML’s, Domotos Koichi and Tsuyoshi. If you have any NANA questions, go as them. They’ve already hit 51k and so are obligated to help you while I work on my word count tonight.”
“That’s nice,” Ryo muttered. “Pass your obligations off on someone else.”
“Blow me,” Ueda replied without missing a beat.
“In your fucking dream, Princess.”
“In my darkest nightmares.”
“AH!!!!”
All heads swiveled around to Jin, and Maru facepalmed.
“MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!” Jin suddenly jumped up and flew over the table like some demented, flaming flying squirrel. He hit the ground running, and likely would have burned the place down if not for one of the Domotos sticking a leg out just as Jin passed and tripping him. Jin landed face first on the carpeted concrete, screaming strange and colorful obscenities into the ground, hair still on fire. The other Domoto tipped his glass over on Jin’s head and the fire went out. The red-headed Domoto held his glass up as the waitress came in to see what was going on.
Jin sat up, shaking his head, tears falling down his face. He sniffed. “Now my hair is broken!”
“Pi-chan, if he was just on fire doesn’t that mean he’s going t have a bald spot?” Tegoshi whispered at Yamapi. Yamapi made shushing noises and warded Tegoshi off with his hands.
“I’m BALD?!”
“Oh, God, just shoot me,” Ueda mumbled, climbing down from the table.
“You probably shouldn’t say that with this group around,” Koyama said, handing Jin Nyanta to hold to make him feel better. Jin blinked at the air in his arms blankly. “Someone might take it as an invitation.” He glanced over at Ryo would was sighting down his scope.
“Ryo-tan…that’s not nice,” Tegoshi mumbled, little crystalline tears at the corners of his eyes. “Uebo-hime has only been super awesome to us and organized all kinds of super special awesome things for us!”
Ryo sighed and put the scope away. Ueda gave his own sigh and leaned over to Maru. “If you ever find out who posted that pet name on the forums, let me know so I can kill him.” Maru nodded and made mental notes.
“Who said super special awesome?” Ohno called across the room.
“I did!” Tegoshi cried and waved his hand frantically. The only person in the room who didn’t stare at the adorableness that was Tegoshi in full cute mode was Massu who was jamming to something and munching on gyoza whiled he worked. “I feel you rubbing me…” he mumbled.
“Yugi-oh Abridge?”
“YES!”
Suddenly the room exploded as everyone suddenly had to explain what episodes of Yugi-oh abridge was the best and why. “Damn you, Ohno,” Ueda mumbled. “This is too freaking distracting!”
Maru patted Ueda awkwardly on the shoulder. Ueda sent a death glare at Ohno. Nino was the one to see it first, followed by Sho and Matsujun. Aiba was as usual oblivious as he was flirting with Maruyama and Subaru alternately. At least, Maru thought that it was flirting. It was hard to tell with the other two. They were practically a kink fetish all to themselves, so it might even have been closer to foreplay.
Nino patted Ohno on the back to get his attention. When Ohno turned to see Ueda’s death glare he squealed and threw his arms around Nino. “Save me!” he cried.
Nino wrapped his arms protectively around Ohno and tried to glare back at Ueda, but it seemed that he was no match for Ueda who was the Princess of Death Glares, at least when he wasn’t around to hear himself called that by others. Soon, Nino was hiding behind Ohno, who was the recipient of the death glare. Not even Tegoshi would stand against the Princess and his death glare. Maru scooted his chair back and pulled his notebook into his lap to continue working on his word count.
“Here, use my dinosaur laptop!” Yamapi cried. “It’s practically bullet proof so it might be enough to save you from the Prin-Ueda’s Death Glare!”
Ohno, with Nino still attached to him, raced across the room and snuggled up to Yamapi to get behind the laptop. Once out of sight, Ueda seemed to decide that he had had enough and he should really get back to his word count.
“Does anyone have any idea of how two people can break through a time bubble while having sex?”
Everyone in the room turned their eyes to Shige, staring wide eyes.
“Did he really just ask that?” Matsujun asked aloud.
“I just don’t know how to respond to that,” Sho replied.
“Allow me,” Jin replied. No longer the snotty, slobbering mess on the floor, and his hair remarkably perfect to Maru’s surprise, stood on the table. “As we can see from this diagram,” yes Jin even drew up diagrams, “Subject A, would have to be in this position, while subject B, would have to be bottoming from the top like so.”
“Jin, why do your subjects look like stick figure drawings of the Domoto ML’s?” someone wanted to know.
Tsuyoshi looked over, narrowed his eyes at the drawings and stood. Everyone froze, as it was rumored that the Osaka ML’s from the Kinki district were very dangerous men when provoked, though which one was worse, no one could ever really figure out. At least, none that lived to tell about it. While everyone stood frozen and Jin sweated, Tsuyoshi made his away to the table that Jin was standing on and took the drawings from Jin’s nerveless fingers.
“Oh, I’m topping this time. Nice.” He smiled at Jin, and it was obvious that Jin wasn’t sure if it was better than glaring or not. “Good going, Akanishi; I’ll be confiscating these. Use someone else for your diagrams next time.” And with that Tsuyoshi made his way back to his table. He set the drawings down on the table next to Koichi who took a cursory glance at them before placing them in his bag. No one asked any questions.
“So, as you can see from this second diagram,” Jin continued. “Once you’ve moved into this position, all you need to do is lean forward just a little and poof!” Heads tilted to the side as everyone tried to get the right perspective of the position. “You have broken the time bubble!”
Shige studied the diagram for a moment. “Thanks, Bakanishi; though I think I may have nightmares for a few weeks because you used Ueda and Ryo-chan in this diagram.” He shook his head and went back to his writing. “Now that’s all I’m going to see while I’m writing this.”
Ueda casted his baleful look on Jin who quickly shoved Ohno and Nino out of the way before he slowly hid behind his laptop. “That is. Listen up, assholes. We are going to have a thirty minute word war. Starting in five, four, three, two, one, now!”
Maru glanced at Ueda, seeing right through him. Thirty minutes of silence while everyone let their competitive streak get the better of them. There was silence for a while, and Maru got quite a bit of his word count until suddenly someone screamed. Maru only distantly realized that it was Jin, and that he seemed to be screaming about Kame.
Maru blinked up from his work and looked around. Everyone else was staring at Jin with just as blank stare as Maru must have had on his face. “What?” Maru asked.
Jin’s eyes were full of tears as he searched frantically around the table; even go so far as to go under it. “Someone has kidnapped Kazuya!” Jin cried.
The rest of the room looked around to see that Kame did indeed seem to be missing. “He prolly went to the pisser,” Koki said. “He’ll be back soon.”
“No! Kazuya was just here and he is now suddenly gone! He could be anywhere! He could be lost and calling for me! I have to get to him!”
Everyone in the room blinked. Twice. In unison even. Maru was very impressed with their synchronicity. “Jin…I’m sure Kame is fine. You should probably just get back to the word war so you can beat him,” Tocchan said.
“Gasp!” Jin said, completely ignoring everyone else in the room. “My diagrams are gone! Kame must have taken them and with the secret they hold, he breeched the time bubble barrier and now he’s lost in time!” Jin stood on the table and pointed Yamapi. “Don’t worry, Kazuya! Pi and I will break the time bubble barrier and together we will go through history and save you so that we can once again be reunited for the love and glitter of all things pretty and we shall call ourselves AkamePi!”
Yamapi looked up at the sound of his name. Apparently he was really into this word war. “What?”
“What the hell is going on now?”
“KAZUYA~!”
Everyone turned to see that Kame had just stepped back into the room, smelling distinctly like smoke. “God,” Kame said, facepalming. “What was he spouting this time?”
“That you had used his diagrams to breech the time bubble barrier and he and Pi were going to use the same secrets of those diagrams to also breech the time bubble barrier to search throughout history for you so that you could once again reunite for the love and glitter of all things pretty and you shall call yourselves AkamePi-Exclamation point,” Ryo provided.
“Did you really write all that down, Ryo-tan?” Tegoshi asked.
Ryo nodded. “How the hell else do you think I get my word count? I just type up what you guys say and then I read it and laugh about it later.”
“What a sad, lonely little life you lead, Nishikido, that you get your entertainment by reliving these write-ins,” Ueda said, shaking his head sadly. “Also, that’s called cheating.”
“’Kaoru had her pressed against a wall, grinding into her as his mouth devoured her, and Rina had never been so turned on in her life…?’”
Ueda froze as Subaru continued to read over his shoulder. “’When Kaoru’s thigh found its way between hers, Rina stopped caring and just let the sensations take her to a passionate height she hadn’t experienced in as long as she could remember. With her hands in his hair, Rina lost all of concept of time and just let him have his wicked, wicked way with her.’ Omigod, go Uebo-hime!”
“Holy shit, Ueda’s writing a sex scene!” Jin cried and raced over to read.
“Sound’s really juicy, too,” Matsujun commented.
“It’s not what you think!” Ueda cried. “I’m just having trouble getting my word count and sex scenes take up a lot of words!”
“So, you’re cheating!” Ryo accused.
“Shut up, Nishikido!”
“Oh snap! Gackt’s in here too! It’s a three way!” Suddenly the table was surrounded by everyone in the room aside from the unimpressed Domotos.
With a sigh Maru looked down at his word count and was surprised by the number. “Hey! I made 51k!”
Everyone suddenly stopped and in the next instant a cheer went up followed by applause. “Go Maru!” The whole group congratulated him, and move to their seats. It seemed to be enough of a jolt to send everyone back to their writing to get their fifty-one thousand words. With a self-satisfied smiled Maru sat back and just let himself enjoy the moment. Aside from some maniacal giggles off in the Kansai Corner, it was really something to be proud of.
“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YU, STOP LAUGHING!”
From: aneighthdomain
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Title: Nationwide Narrative Writing Month
Pairing/Group: Arashi, KinKi Kids, T&T Kanjani 8, NewS, KAT-TUN
Rating: R for language
Warnings: Strong language, Alternate Universe, Crack
Notes: If this seems like it’s been inspired by something, you would be right. Any resemblance to people or events is purely coincidental.
Summary: The mild insanity that happens at a write-in
“How the hell did Jin get to be the Metropolitan Link?” Koki asked, completely appalled when he saw Jin, who was wearing a sticky on the front of his shirt that said “ML: Bow Down to Me!” passing out the paper bags to the other NaNaKnights in the back room of the Ihop.
“He’s not,” Maru muttered, hefting his bag higher on his shoulder. “Ueda got it again this year, but Jin wouldn’t shut up until he let him help. Ueda told him that he could be a personal assistant this year and maybe next year he’ll let Jin be the ML.”
“It’s the last write-in of the month…” Koki said, raising an eyebrow. “Isn’t he a little late?”
Maru shrugged, setting his bag down and looking around for the plug. He hoped he got here early enough to get one since this was going to be longer than the two hour battery life he had on his notebook. “Who knows why Jin does the things that he does. He’ll probably forget next year away.”
Junno bounced up to the group holding several of the paper bags that Jin had been passing out to the other early comers. “I got each of us one!” he said excitedly. “These are so epic!”
Maru exchanged looks with Koki. Any time that Junno said “epic,” bad things were bound to happen. Like Junno spending the whole time playing ninja ropes on his iPhone and managing to get the high score right in the middle of a word war.
“Yes, epic,” Ueda said, coming back from whatever errand he had gone on. Maru thought that likely it was to tap a kidney. “Epically fail, and if I see your phone out once tonight I swear to porn that I am going to throw it across the room and make sure it shatters this time.”
Junno pouted as he continued to pass the bags out. “That’s not cool Uebo,” Junno muttered.
Ueda snatched the proffered back from Junno’s hand. “Shut the hell up, Ugly Taguchi.”
Maru sighed as his notebook loaded. It was going to be one of those nights. He just knew it. He took the bag from Taguchi and looked at it. “The Paper Bag of Destiny?” he asked. “What is a paper bag of destiny?”
“I’m glad you asked!” Jin said, suddenly popping out of literally nowhere. He held another of the paper bags with Sharpie scrawling on it. “This is the paper bag of destiny! Isn’t it shiny and pretty?”
Maru blinked. “That’s nice. I have one, too. What is its purpose?”
“Well if you open it up, there are nifty little things in it.” Jin huffed and rested his fists on his lips.
With a sigh, Maru opened his up. “Why is there a cow bell in my bag?”
“You got a cow bell?” Koki pouted at Maru. “I didn’t get a cow bell. You suck ass.”
Maru furrowed his brow. “It’s a freaking cow bell.” He looked up at Jin. “And I am still wondering why it’s in my bag.”
“I couldn’t afford to get everyone a cow bell,” Jin said, seriously. “I had to pay for this out of my own pocket after all.”
“Again, still wondering what the point is.”
“It’s for when someone hits 51k, duh,” Jin said as if it was obvious that was the true purpose of a cow bell, and not what the purpose of a cow bell in everyone else’s reality. Maru furrowed his brow. What was the purpose for a cow bell in everyone else’s reality?
“Dude, there’s candy in here!” Koki elated.
Maru rolled his eyes.
“JinJin!”
“Kazuya!”
“God, save me,” Ueda groaned. “He’s here.”
Jin and Kame leapt into one another’s arms and jumped up and down like two fangirls. “You’re late!” Jin accused.
“Eyah, I got lost.” Kame set his bag down on the table next to Maru. “I guess I wrote the directions that Ueda gave me wrong ‘cause I kept going to the bad part of town. Someone tried to car jack me!”
Maru leaned over toward Ueda. “It didn’t work last year, why did you try it again?”
Ueda sighed. “I was hoping that he was too dumb to figure it out if I got him nice and turned around.” Ueda shook his head and sighed. He glared at Kame and Jin when it looked like they were going to set up their laptops next to him. “Go sit somewhere else,” he growled at them.
Jin pouted. “But the outlet is over here.” Kame nodded in agreement.
“I am not sitting next to you asshats, go sit by the other plug. You guys are entirely too bipolar for me.”
“Well, I’m an ML in training so I should sit at the ML table,” Jin said as a matter-of-factly.”
“The ML table is by the other plug.”
“Oh. Okay.” Akame made their way to the table in the far corner.
Koki stared at Ueda. “How did you do that?”
Ueda shrugged. “I just told him what he wanted to know. No big deal.”
“Jin! Kame!”
“Oh, God,” Ueda groaned again.
“Did you get lost, too?” Kame asked.
Pi nodded and moved out of hearing rage for normal decibels. “Ueda really needs to learn how to give directions.” Unfortunately Pi had no concept of normal decibels.
“All three of you, shut the hell up!” This of course came from one of the kids in the back who always kept to himself and always seemed like he was wearing a disguise. None of them could figure out why Takki would try to disguise himself, but they let him keep that to himself, ‘cause the dude was seriously scary when he was in the zone and was being interrupted. Even AkamePi shut when he told them to. Plus, Tsubasa could kick all of their asses. Maru and Koki exchanged looks again.
Ueda called the waitress over and he, Junno, Koki and Maru all ordered outrageously fatty things to help them get over the inevitable munchies that were going to hit them later tonight and waited for everyone else to show up. Since it was the last write-in of the month, they were expecting everyone to show.
It didn’t take long for the rest of the NaNaKnights to show up, though most of them were late. That seemed to be the normal way of things as far as Maru had ever noticed. He, of course, was always right on time which meant that he was always early by everyone else’s standards. It was mostly to make certain that he got a plug. Ihop was notoriously low on outlets.
The next group to wander their way in was the creepy kids from Osaka. They all lived in Tokyo, but they had formed themselves a little clique since they all spoke with a Kansai dialect. Maru shrugged philosophically at them as they congregated around one particular table, but there was one particular boy that Ueda seemed to passionately hate, and they exchanged death glares from across the room.
Ryo was the only kid that Maru had ever seen withstand the death glare of the ML. Everyone else, including Maru was always seriously creeped-out by it.
“What are you looking at, Princess,” Ryo called out.
“Your face,” Ueda replied, glancing down at his screen and then back at Ryo. “It’s like a train wreck; I’m having trouble looking away.”
“Ooh, sick burn!” Junno whispered loudly.
“Shut up, Taguchi,” Ueda and Ryo said in unison.
Maru chuckled to himself. The next group to filter in was the five oldest guys. They had been doing NaNa for longer than the rest of them. There were younger ones that came in by ones and twos, but they were hardly of any note. Finally the rest of Yamapi’s group came in and it seemed that everyone was finally there.
Once everyone settled Ueda stood up on the table and whistle shrilly to get everyone’s attention. “Alright, assholes-“
“Ueda, we’ve talked about this,” Maru whispered. “You’re not supposed to call them that.”
“Oh yeah. Who was it that bitched again?”
“Jin.”
“First announcement, after carefully consideration, Jin will not be taking over as ML next year.”
Jin’s eyes went wide. “That’s not fair! You said!”
Ueda shrugged. “I changed my mind.” He ignored the fact that Kame and Yamapi were holding Jin back. “Next, I want to welcome you all to that last write-in of Nationwide Narrative Writing Month 2010. Tonight is the night to hit 51k if you want us to pretend we’re happy for you when really we are plotting your dramatic death scene in our stories. Even if we have to add you in at the last minute as a red shirt.”
There were some snickers and chortles around the room, and then there were some very serious looks that made Maru think that maybe Ueda wasn’t kidding.
“Next, Bakanishi brought us all goodie bags-“
“Paper bags of destiny!”
“-and some of them have cow bells in them. If I hear anyone one so much as think about ringing their cow bell, be prepared to eat it. Also I want to bring your attention to the far dark and possibly isolated-enough-to-have-sex-in-and-have-no-one-be-the-wiser corner over there.” Ueda pointed to a table that, to Maru’s surprise, was secluded enough that it was possible for a couple to have sex there without anyone figuring it out and the couple that sat there.
One of the guys flipped Ueda off but otherwise ignored him. “Those are the Osaka ML’s, Domotos Koichi and Tsuyoshi. If you have any NANA questions, go as them. They’ve already hit 51k and so are obligated to help you while I work on my word count tonight.”
“That’s nice,” Ryo muttered. “Pass your obligations off on someone else.”
“Blow me,” Ueda replied without missing a beat.
“In your fucking dream, Princess.”
“In my darkest nightmares.”
“AH!!!!”
All heads swiveled around to Jin, and Maru facepalmed.
“MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!” Jin suddenly jumped up and flew over the table like some demented, flaming flying squirrel. He hit the ground running, and likely would have burned the place down if not for one of the Domotos sticking a leg out just as Jin passed and tripping him. Jin landed face first on the carpeted concrete, screaming strange and colorful obscenities into the ground, hair still on fire. The other Domoto tipped his glass over on Jin’s head and the fire went out. The red-headed Domoto held his glass up as the waitress came in to see what was going on.
Jin sat up, shaking his head, tears falling down his face. He sniffed. “Now my hair is broken!”
“Pi-chan, if he was just on fire doesn’t that mean he’s going t have a bald spot?” Tegoshi whispered at Yamapi. Yamapi made shushing noises and warded Tegoshi off with his hands.
“I’m BALD?!”
“Oh, God, just shoot me,” Ueda mumbled, climbing down from the table.
“You probably shouldn’t say that with this group around,” Koyama said, handing Jin Nyanta to hold to make him feel better. Jin blinked at the air in his arms blankly. “Someone might take it as an invitation.” He glanced over at Ryo would was sighting down his scope.
“Ryo-tan…that’s not nice,” Tegoshi mumbled, little crystalline tears at the corners of his eyes. “Uebo-hime has only been super awesome to us and organized all kinds of super special awesome things for us!”
Ryo sighed and put the scope away. Ueda gave his own sigh and leaned over to Maru. “If you ever find out who posted that pet name on the forums, let me know so I can kill him.” Maru nodded and made mental notes.
“Who said super special awesome?” Ohno called across the room.
“I did!” Tegoshi cried and waved his hand frantically. The only person in the room who didn’t stare at the adorableness that was Tegoshi in full cute mode was Massu who was jamming to something and munching on gyoza whiled he worked. “I feel you rubbing me…” he mumbled.
“Yugi-oh Abridge?”
“YES!”
Suddenly the room exploded as everyone suddenly had to explain what episodes of Yugi-oh abridge was the best and why. “Damn you, Ohno,” Ueda mumbled. “This is too freaking distracting!”
Maru patted Ueda awkwardly on the shoulder. Ueda sent a death glare at Ohno. Nino was the one to see it first, followed by Sho and Matsujun. Aiba was as usual oblivious as he was flirting with Maruyama and Subaru alternately. At least, Maru thought that it was flirting. It was hard to tell with the other two. They were practically a kink fetish all to themselves, so it might even have been closer to foreplay.
Nino patted Ohno on the back to get his attention. When Ohno turned to see Ueda’s death glare he squealed and threw his arms around Nino. “Save me!” he cried.
Nino wrapped his arms protectively around Ohno and tried to glare back at Ueda, but it seemed that he was no match for Ueda who was the Princess of Death Glares, at least when he wasn’t around to hear himself called that by others. Soon, Nino was hiding behind Ohno, who was the recipient of the death glare. Not even Tegoshi would stand against the Princess and his death glare. Maru scooted his chair back and pulled his notebook into his lap to continue working on his word count.
“Here, use my dinosaur laptop!” Yamapi cried. “It’s practically bullet proof so it might be enough to save you from the Prin-Ueda’s Death Glare!”
Ohno, with Nino still attached to him, raced across the room and snuggled up to Yamapi to get behind the laptop. Once out of sight, Ueda seemed to decide that he had had enough and he should really get back to his word count.
“Does anyone have any idea of how two people can break through a time bubble while having sex?”
Everyone in the room turned their eyes to Shige, staring wide eyes.
“Did he really just ask that?” Matsujun asked aloud.
“I just don’t know how to respond to that,” Sho replied.
“Allow me,” Jin replied. No longer the snotty, slobbering mess on the floor, and his hair remarkably perfect to Maru’s surprise, stood on the table. “As we can see from this diagram,” yes Jin even drew up diagrams, “Subject A, would have to be in this position, while subject B, would have to be bottoming from the top like so.”
“Jin, why do your subjects look like stick figure drawings of the Domoto ML’s?” someone wanted to know.
Tsuyoshi looked over, narrowed his eyes at the drawings and stood. Everyone froze, as it was rumored that the Osaka ML’s from the Kinki district were very dangerous men when provoked, though which one was worse, no one could ever really figure out. At least, none that lived to tell about it. While everyone stood frozen and Jin sweated, Tsuyoshi made his away to the table that Jin was standing on and took the drawings from Jin’s nerveless fingers.
“Oh, I’m topping this time. Nice.” He smiled at Jin, and it was obvious that Jin wasn’t sure if it was better than glaring or not. “Good going, Akanishi; I’ll be confiscating these. Use someone else for your diagrams next time.” And with that Tsuyoshi made his way back to his table. He set the drawings down on the table next to Koichi who took a cursory glance at them before placing them in his bag. No one asked any questions.
“So, as you can see from this second diagram,” Jin continued. “Once you’ve moved into this position, all you need to do is lean forward just a little and poof!” Heads tilted to the side as everyone tried to get the right perspective of the position. “You have broken the time bubble!”
Shige studied the diagram for a moment. “Thanks, Bakanishi; though I think I may have nightmares for a few weeks because you used Ueda and Ryo-chan in this diagram.” He shook his head and went back to his writing. “Now that’s all I’m going to see while I’m writing this.”
Ueda casted his baleful look on Jin who quickly shoved Ohno and Nino out of the way before he slowly hid behind his laptop. “That is. Listen up, assholes. We are going to have a thirty minute word war. Starting in five, four, three, two, one, now!”
Maru glanced at Ueda, seeing right through him. Thirty minutes of silence while everyone let their competitive streak get the better of them. There was silence for a while, and Maru got quite a bit of his word count until suddenly someone screamed. Maru only distantly realized that it was Jin, and that he seemed to be screaming about Kame.
Maru blinked up from his work and looked around. Everyone else was staring at Jin with just as blank stare as Maru must have had on his face. “What?” Maru asked.
Jin’s eyes were full of tears as he searched frantically around the table; even go so far as to go under it. “Someone has kidnapped Kazuya!” Jin cried.
The rest of the room looked around to see that Kame did indeed seem to be missing. “He prolly went to the pisser,” Koki said. “He’ll be back soon.”
“No! Kazuya was just here and he is now suddenly gone! He could be anywhere! He could be lost and calling for me! I have to get to him!”
Everyone in the room blinked. Twice. In unison even. Maru was very impressed with their synchronicity. “Jin…I’m sure Kame is fine. You should probably just get back to the word war so you can beat him,” Tocchan said.
“Gasp!” Jin said, completely ignoring everyone else in the room. “My diagrams are gone! Kame must have taken them and with the secret they hold, he breeched the time bubble barrier and now he’s lost in time!” Jin stood on the table and pointed Yamapi. “Don’t worry, Kazuya! Pi and I will break the time bubble barrier and together we will go through history and save you so that we can once again be reunited for the love and glitter of all things pretty and we shall call ourselves AkamePi!”
Yamapi looked up at the sound of his name. Apparently he was really into this word war. “What?”
“What the hell is going on now?”
“KAZUYA~!”
Everyone turned to see that Kame had just stepped back into the room, smelling distinctly like smoke. “God,” Kame said, facepalming. “What was he spouting this time?”
“That you had used his diagrams to breech the time bubble barrier and he and Pi were going to use the same secrets of those diagrams to also breech the time bubble barrier to search throughout history for you so that you could once again reunite for the love and glitter of all things pretty and you shall call yourselves AkamePi-Exclamation point,” Ryo provided.
“Did you really write all that down, Ryo-tan?” Tegoshi asked.
Ryo nodded. “How the hell else do you think I get my word count? I just type up what you guys say and then I read it and laugh about it later.”
“What a sad, lonely little life you lead, Nishikido, that you get your entertainment by reliving these write-ins,” Ueda said, shaking his head sadly. “Also, that’s called cheating.”
“’Kaoru had her pressed against a wall, grinding into her as his mouth devoured her, and Rina had never been so turned on in her life…?’”
Ueda froze as Subaru continued to read over his shoulder. “’When Kaoru’s thigh found its way between hers, Rina stopped caring and just let the sensations take her to a passionate height she hadn’t experienced in as long as she could remember. With her hands in his hair, Rina lost all of concept of time and just let him have his wicked, wicked way with her.’ Omigod, go Uebo-hime!”
“Holy shit, Ueda’s writing a sex scene!” Jin cried and raced over to read.
“Sound’s really juicy, too,” Matsujun commented.
“It’s not what you think!” Ueda cried. “I’m just having trouble getting my word count and sex scenes take up a lot of words!”
“So, you’re cheating!” Ryo accused.
“Shut up, Nishikido!”
“Oh snap! Gackt’s in here too! It’s a three way!” Suddenly the table was surrounded by everyone in the room aside from the unimpressed Domotos.
With a sigh Maru looked down at his word count and was surprised by the number. “Hey! I made 51k!”
Everyone suddenly stopped and in the next instant a cheer went up followed by applause. “Go Maru!” The whole group congratulated him, and move to their seats. It seemed to be enough of a jolt to send everyone back to their writing to get their fifty-one thousand words. With a self-satisfied smiled Maru sat back and just let himself enjoy the moment. Aside from some maniacal giggles off in the Kansai Corner, it was really something to be proud of.
“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YU, STOP LAUGHING!”