So yeah...
Yeah, I'm just sitting here bored once more. So I might as well type out what's on my mind rather than just letting it fester in my mind.
I've been told by multiple people that the best thing to do now would just be to relax. The problem is I don't know how to do that, and it seems oxymoron making an effort to relax. So instead I'm going to attempt to dwell a lot less on my problems and just do what needs to be done. It's been an interesting experience letting out my thoughts and emotions instead of bottling them up, but I just don't know what difference it is actually making for me. I've never been one to let myself cry or anything like that... so I can't tell if all this release of emotion has helped me anymore than holding them in. I mean it feels good in the short term, but I'm not sure it makes in any differences in the long term.
I honestly don't know if I can just chill out and let myself relax... there have been very few occasions where that has been possible for me. Looking back, I feel as if I have spent most of my life worrying, nervous, tense and over analyzing everything. I feel like all the muscles in my body have been tensed/flexed for years on end, but I just don't have the ability to relax them (that's how I feel mentally). There's just some sort of barrier that I can't identify that won't allow me to just let go.
I need to just take some time for myself to do whatever it is I want to do and teak a break from worrying about my issues. Much of my distress over my own issues could very well be a result of me focusing too much upon them... or not, I don't know. The only thing I know is that I'm not going to be able think about them and somehow magically solve my problems. I think the answer will eventually come on it's own, so dwelling on things won't really do me much good anyways.
I'm actually beginning to look forward to my spring break, finally. I will have some time away from this place and away from work/school. I miss my home and I do miss my family. It's taken me a long time to begin appreciating my home, but I finally do understand it's importance to me. It's been the sight of some of my best and worst times and the place where I have grown as a person the most. I just really wish it hadn't taken me so long to recognize it's value to me. I may not know where my life is headed, or even what my own past means to me... but I know I have some place where I always belong, and that's a reassuring thought.
I wish Michigan's weather warmed up a little bit sooner in the year though. For spring break I really wish it could be warm, so I could just drive somewhere nice and enjoy the weather. I kind of feel just going to a far away beach or something, or even just taking a long road trip where I would get to drive a lot... better yet, both. At the same time, that thought reminds me of a vacation I had planned on taking this summer and makes me sad. Perhaps this summer, when I am feeling better about things I'll be able to take a trip still.
But yeah, this is another long drawn out and now rambling post. I'm just going to try and not worry about things so much anymore. So far I have been able to stop worrying about my classes as much, and that has really helped me a lot through this whole situation. If I could put my thoughts about all my other problems/bad feelings on the back burner too... well that would be quite a feat for me and would be wonderful. I just need to relax and not sweat the small stuff, being stressed out all the time just isn't worth it - no matter what it is.
I've been told by multiple people that the best thing to do now would just be to relax. The problem is I don't know how to do that, and it seems oxymoron making an effort to relax. So instead I'm going to attempt to dwell a lot less on my problems and just do what needs to be done. It's been an interesting experience letting out my thoughts and emotions instead of bottling them up, but I just don't know what difference it is actually making for me. I've never been one to let myself cry or anything like that... so I can't tell if all this release of emotion has helped me anymore than holding them in. I mean it feels good in the short term, but I'm not sure it makes in any differences in the long term.
I honestly don't know if I can just chill out and let myself relax... there have been very few occasions where that has been possible for me. Looking back, I feel as if I have spent most of my life worrying, nervous, tense and over analyzing everything. I feel like all the muscles in my body have been tensed/flexed for years on end, but I just don't have the ability to relax them (that's how I feel mentally). There's just some sort of barrier that I can't identify that won't allow me to just let go.
I need to just take some time for myself to do whatever it is I want to do and teak a break from worrying about my issues. Much of my distress over my own issues could very well be a result of me focusing too much upon them... or not, I don't know. The only thing I know is that I'm not going to be able think about them and somehow magically solve my problems. I think the answer will eventually come on it's own, so dwelling on things won't really do me much good anyways.
I'm actually beginning to look forward to my spring break, finally. I will have some time away from this place and away from work/school. I miss my home and I do miss my family. It's taken me a long time to begin appreciating my home, but I finally do understand it's importance to me. It's been the sight of some of my best and worst times and the place where I have grown as a person the most. I just really wish it hadn't taken me so long to recognize it's value to me. I may not know where my life is headed, or even what my own past means to me... but I know I have some place where I always belong, and that's a reassuring thought.
I wish Michigan's weather warmed up a little bit sooner in the year though. For spring break I really wish it could be warm, so I could just drive somewhere nice and enjoy the weather. I kind of feel just going to a far away beach or something, or even just taking a long road trip where I would get to drive a lot... better yet, both. At the same time, that thought reminds me of a vacation I had planned on taking this summer and makes me sad. Perhaps this summer, when I am feeling better about things I'll be able to take a trip still.
But yeah, this is another long drawn out and now rambling post. I'm just going to try and not worry about things so much anymore. So far I have been able to stop worrying about my classes as much, and that has really helped me a lot through this whole situation. If I could put my thoughts about all my other problems/bad feelings on the back burner too... well that would be quite a feat for me and would be wonderful. I just need to relax and not sweat the small stuff, being stressed out all the time just isn't worth it - no matter what it is.