feeling human!
so,
tomorrow it'll be a week since Dylan took his life.
and ive gotta say, its affected me like nothing else i know.
even my auntie and nanas deaths didnt have this effect on me.
maybe its because i knew they were ill.
i dont know why ->?
i do know it doesnt make me a bad person tho.
i spent 7 years, 5 days a week, 6 1/2 hours a day with Dylan from being a kid.
give or take a few sick days.
more him than me on that front, he only had one kidney & got sick alot!
im just dealing with it in my own way.
i feel like ive lost someone who i considered as close as a brother when i was young.
and i saw him after school too.
we'd hang out and stuff.
anyway, i saw him today.
my mam took me to the chapel of rest.
it'd been a while since i saw him.....so i wanted to look at him one more time.
i wrote him a letter, and sealed it so only me and him know whats in it.
some of those things, i'll never ever tell to people.
but he looked so peaceful.
he had his trainers on, lol
and his little beanie.
he just looked asleep.
i was so scared at the beginning, i didnt even realise he was in the coffin.
it was that small
but when i saw his face, all the fear left my body and i just looked at him.
typically of me, i almost placed my letter on his "privates" haha
but i made sure not to go there.
i bet he thought that was funny.
i held his hand for a little while and told him i'd see him soon.
to which my mam replied "but not for a good few years yet dylan"
and then i kissed his forehead and said goodbye.
im really glad i saw him, because he looked like our Dylan.
still stunning and utterly lovable.
there were so many things people had put in his coffin,
cards, postcards, birthday cards (it was his 20th on saturday), a scroll, his favorite art books, lillies and my letter.
Wednesday is the funeral.
my mam cant go, but my sister is. as she and Dills sister Jade were best friends in school too.
Ashley's coming for me at 9am on Wed, my cousin Sie is coming then too, i think he'll be bringing Steven and Shaun too.
Then we'll meet Ashley, Ann, Gemma, Laura, Ally, Steven, Stuart, David and everyone else at the church.
ive had loads of calls from friends id lost touch with.
people who went to St Patricks with us.
we've sworn never to lose touch again.
god knows, if we'd been there for Dylan more, maybe his life wouldnt of been like this.
i'll live with that until the day i die.
tomorrow it'll be a week since Dylan took his life.
and ive gotta say, its affected me like nothing else i know.
even my auntie and nanas deaths didnt have this effect on me.
maybe its because i knew they were ill.
i dont know why ->?
i do know it doesnt make me a bad person tho.
i spent 7 years, 5 days a week, 6 1/2 hours a day with Dylan from being a kid.
give or take a few sick days.
more him than me on that front, he only had one kidney & got sick alot!
im just dealing with it in my own way.
i feel like ive lost someone who i considered as close as a brother when i was young.
and i saw him after school too.
we'd hang out and stuff.
anyway, i saw him today.
my mam took me to the chapel of rest.
it'd been a while since i saw him.....so i wanted to look at him one more time.
i wrote him a letter, and sealed it so only me and him know whats in it.
some of those things, i'll never ever tell to people.
but he looked so peaceful.
he had his trainers on, lol
and his little beanie.
he just looked asleep.
i was so scared at the beginning, i didnt even realise he was in the coffin.
it was that small
but when i saw his face, all the fear left my body and i just looked at him.
typically of me, i almost placed my letter on his "privates" haha
but i made sure not to go there.
i bet he thought that was funny.
i held his hand for a little while and told him i'd see him soon.
to which my mam replied "but not for a good few years yet dylan"
and then i kissed his forehead and said goodbye.
im really glad i saw him, because he looked like our Dylan.
still stunning and utterly lovable.
there were so many things people had put in his coffin,
cards, postcards, birthday cards (it was his 20th on saturday), a scroll, his favorite art books, lillies and my letter.
Wednesday is the funeral.
my mam cant go, but my sister is. as she and Dills sister Jade were best friends in school too.
Ashley's coming for me at 9am on Wed, my cousin Sie is coming then too, i think he'll be bringing Steven and Shaun too.
Then we'll meet Ashley, Ann, Gemma, Laura, Ally, Steven, Stuart, David and everyone else at the church.
ive had loads of calls from friends id lost touch with.
people who went to St Patricks with us.
we've sworn never to lose touch again.
god knows, if we'd been there for Dylan more, maybe his life wouldnt of been like this.
i'll live with that until the day i die.