(no subject)
Am I this monster that I'm painted out to be? Is there merit for the evil things that I do or say? Is there a reason that I torment myself? Or that I allude others of the torment in me? Why do I feel so much pain, yet the ones who are supposed to love me the most shrug it away? Why am I the only one who's ever wrong for my feelings? Does that mean that I truly am wrong? Why must I break to the point of psychotic just to get someone's attention? Why is it that everyday I come closer to losing everything good in my life? How many times am I going to have to lose before one thing finally goes the way that I feel it should? Does she love me? Does she really hate me? How do I prove to her that my heart isn't made of stone, and that mine could break as well? Regardless of how many mistakes I make, and how many times I make them, does that give her a reason to not believe me when I say it won't happen again? Even though in my heart I know that I will fulfill this promise because I DO have my priorities straight? How many nights in a row am I going to cry myself to sleep wondering if there is even a purpose to wake up the next? Why do I lack the courage to just answer the questions that I already know the answers to? Why am I so afraid? How do I make her not hate me? How do I make her understand that I don't want to make her hurt? How do I make her understand that I need her sanity to hold my own?