Never a dull day...

[jd_inflames]

I think it's over. Honestly, I grow weary of trying to fix things, to make them right. I understand her problems with me, she won't let me explain my problems with her. I know I don't take care of myself like I should, my hygiene as of late has disgusted even myself. I have been on my computer far more than needed, but in truth, I'm stressed to high heaven. My computer is my escape. I used to have all kinds of excuses as to why I stay on my computer, but right now this feels like the best one. I'm tired of coming home and looking at the house and seeing all this shit she's left all over the place, and then yells at me for not helping cleaning. I'm tired of getting in my car and seeing 6 month old pringles that she spilt all over my car and the fact that I've just been so angry to clean myself. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a babysitter, like I took her from her parents and take care of her. I pay the cable bill. I pay the electric bill. I pay for the majority of the food we consume. There was a time where I was paying her gas. I put money in her account every month so that we can pay the rent without a hitch. Why can't I get her to see this? She told me tonight that once the lease is up she's moving back in with her parents, so in other words I have about 9 months to be with her and to "change". I feel so misunderstood. I just want to be happy with her. When we first met, she was like the woman of my dreams. After the first 2 months, it's been absolute hell. I can't make an extra dollar without her spending it, I can't take her out for an evening because every time we have some time off together she goes off with one of her friends, and if I ask her to stay she gets mad, calls me controlling, and leaves anyway. I'm so SICK of all of the problems. Is there a woman out there that wants the same things that I want? Needs the same things that I need? I want someone that will come home when they get off work and actually WANT to be home with me. I don't care if I'm on my computer, just wanna watch a movie with them, whatever. I want a women who isn't afraid to lift their arm and do some work around the house without complaining. That's honestly probably my biggest problem with "helping around the house", when I finally do have time to do something, she does it before I can, and then belittles me for not doing anything other than play on my damned computer. Sometimes I think I'm holding on to something that I shouldn't be. I could do this on my own if I had to. I'm not afraid to work, and when I don't have someone putting me down 24/7, I take care of myself and my home.

I'll update this thing later. I'm going to go get some coffee.