(no subject)
I'm rather confused as to how I'm going to stay awake through work tomorrow...and then take Brandi shopping. If I go to bed, I'm liable to sleep right through work, which I can't let that happen my last day on my vacation, because I'm not that stupid. I don't know, my plans were tonight were after I woke up at 11 (who knows why I woke up so early...) was to go to Waffle House to see if anyone was up there that I might halfway get along with. None of 'my' regulars were up there because Roy was there and for some reason no one likes Roy, so I called up Brandi to see if she wanted to do something for a few hours beings she had to be home by 1 because of her cerfew. Well, then Josh calls me because his truck died, so I just have all kinds of things to do. Blargh...I'm surprised my car didn't die after I ran it over town 6 times and back. I think I got what I wanted out of the trip though, and that was to pass on the knowledge as well as unknowingly gathering my own.
Back to where I left off last night; my senses were deadened. My instincts were deadened. I'm starting to confuse myself as to what to do. When I took Brandi home tonight I had to dampen any thoughts whatsoever, and I still almost brought myself to taking it to far, so I had to end the situation and make her want to leave. I'm really starting to think that I know her a lot more than she gives me credit for. We were just goofing off all night, and I kept accidentally putting her too close, so I had to put my face next to hers so that they weren't so close. Who knows what would have went over me. She just doesn't understand because she hasn't really been in a 'real' relationship or shared any 'real' feelings, but I couldn't look her in the eyes from 5 inches away. Too many things could run through my mind by instinct alone. I don't know, perhaps I'm just trying to hide myself from myself. Then again, perhaps that's the only thing I really can do other than avoid her altogether...which as I said, she's pretty much all I have right now. The only person who will actually see me.
I'm torturing myself again. But really, I think it is just what I needed. It's time to wake up.
The black hole forever mine.
I need the fear.
Push me out
Ohh be brave
Show me signs
Should I feel shame for the questions that I have with you?
If you could be
The things I need.
(I'll crawl through knives
An inch per tear.)
These knees, they bleed for you.
(Let the colour persuade the hate
That you fear.)
Feed the lie.
Force the reason.
Leave me in doubt.
Need some motivation
It's in my hands.
The sky, so bright.
It's burning.
It's for me to decide.
If flames will reach heaven tonight.
It's in my hands.
Nailed to the floor
Paralyzed
Emotions drifting
Through the new.
Back to where I left off last night; my senses were deadened. My instincts were deadened. I'm starting to confuse myself as to what to do. When I took Brandi home tonight I had to dampen any thoughts whatsoever, and I still almost brought myself to taking it to far, so I had to end the situation and make her want to leave. I'm really starting to think that I know her a lot more than she gives me credit for. We were just goofing off all night, and I kept accidentally putting her too close, so I had to put my face next to hers so that they weren't so close. Who knows what would have went over me. She just doesn't understand because she hasn't really been in a 'real' relationship or shared any 'real' feelings, but I couldn't look her in the eyes from 5 inches away. Too many things could run through my mind by instinct alone. I don't know, perhaps I'm just trying to hide myself from myself. Then again, perhaps that's the only thing I really can do other than avoid her altogether...which as I said, she's pretty much all I have right now. The only person who will actually see me.
I'm torturing myself again. But really, I think it is just what I needed. It's time to wake up.
The black hole forever mine.
I need the fear.
Push me out
Ohh be brave
Show me signs
Should I feel shame for the questions that I have with you?
If you could be
The things I need.
(I'll crawl through knives
An inch per tear.)
These knees, they bleed for you.
(Let the colour persuade the hate
That you fear.)
Feed the lie.
Force the reason.
Leave me in doubt.
Need some motivation
It's in my hands.
The sky, so bright.
It's burning.
It's for me to decide.
If flames will reach heaven tonight.
It's in my hands.
Nailed to the floor
Paralyzed
Emotions drifting
Through the new.