To New Jersey and back
My two week exodus to the great garden state is complete. For those not in the know, my cousin Brian is a civil engineer, he works on gas pipelines; power-plants and the such. I told him that if he ever needed an extra hand with some labor I would be more than happy to lend mine. The last two weeks he took me up on that offer.
So the Monday before last I climbed in my car during the wee hours of the morning and hiked up the NJ Turnpike, up to exit 9, and checked into the Best Western off Route 18.
I didn't realize it until a couple days in, but this was the farthest I had traveled alone in my life.
I'm not sure if that is a good thing or terribly pathetic.
Anyway, what was I doing you ask? Well basically our job was corrosion protection. Many of the gas mains travel under overhead lines, these lines discharge a certain amount of AC current underground. Said AC current can erode the lining of the pipes. And a weak 800lb natural gas main in a residential community is typically considered a bad thing. Our job was to attach sensors to the pipe that will measure the levels of corrosion and also attach the wires to the pipe that will later be attached to another system that will draw the current safely away from the pipe.
In other words, yours truly had his face 3 inches away from the outer shell of an 800lb, live, gas main peeling away the cold-tar coating, exposing bare metal so the more experienced guys could weld wires on to the front. My job also included mixing and applying the epoxy to seal the welds and protect them from damage. As well as various amounts of digging, scraping, pounding, probing, lugging, driving and carrying. I was paid well for my work and am happy with what I did.
It felt good to be out working with my hands even though my left hand, and only my left hand for some strange reason, did not react well to the early morning chill and moisture. 3 out of my 5 fingers have real severe skin cracks on them that are going to bother me for about a fucking month.
The guys I worked with were great guys. Jeremy was a kid a year older than me, a former bridge painter, he told me stories about being tied to the tops of bridges some 230 feet above the ground, or water, in cold New England winters. Billy, my breakfast partner, was a man of about 55 from Concord. With his thick and unmistakable New England accent I was surprised I wasn't talking like him by the end of my time there.
All in all it was a good experience, and the money I made will go a long way.
After all of this I remain more depressed than I have been in a LONG time.
It all goes back to my personal life, and those who revolve around this have already heard this so I have no problem putting it here. I have gone on a couple dates since my own insecurities betrayed me yet again. None of them have yet compared to what I had. They have been nice. Especially one, who loves Baltimore; the Orioles and beer - but lives in Virginia so there is no hope of even casually dating this person on a semi-regular basis. NOT THAT I EVEN REALLY WANT TO.
It comes down to this: I know what I want, but I can't have what I want. So on to plan B right? Well said "plan B" is the problem. There is none. Beyond that I have no idea what to do with myself in any kind of social setting. So I am back in Bel Air, but I might as well have stayed in New Jersey as I feel that the few connections I have made with people over the last few years will slowly begin to disappear as they are sacrificed to the alter of pre-existing social circles.
2006 has been a rough fucking year. Basically my world has come crashing down around me. God I know that sounds just so fucking retarded, but it has. My Dad is married, the woman I loved left me, the career I chased for 5 years has yet to materialize, I'm still living at home, my friends continue to move on and my car is continuing its slow slow death. This fucking year can't end soon enough.
I used to look towards the new year with a sense of wonder and anticipation, but I just don't see how this gets any better for me right now. How much longer will I remain in neutral before I finally get things in gear? When will I finally turn the corner?
My philosophy on life is very simple: Equilibrium. For those of you that have already heard this, feel free to browse ahead. But EVERYTHING in life strives to reach balance, equilibrium. From nature to economics it is all about finding that magic point where everything is in balance with everything else. For every good there is a bad, for every day of joy there is one of abject horror. And so on.
How long before my upswing? How long before I get a bit of good news?
Someone keeps telling me: "James, you are due and deserve a long stretch of good things." Personally I find it rather ironic that this person tells me this, all things considered. Regardless, that person is right, I do deserve a long stretch of good things - the question is will my psyche hold on for that long?
At the moment I don't like the way my mind is working things out. It can't find the silver linings anymore, it's looking for cheap quick fixes rather than long-term solutions. It's heading places I thought I left behind me a long time ago.
So the Monday before last I climbed in my car during the wee hours of the morning and hiked up the NJ Turnpike, up to exit 9, and checked into the Best Western off Route 18.
I didn't realize it until a couple days in, but this was the farthest I had traveled alone in my life.
I'm not sure if that is a good thing or terribly pathetic.
Anyway, what was I doing you ask? Well basically our job was corrosion protection. Many of the gas mains travel under overhead lines, these lines discharge a certain amount of AC current underground. Said AC current can erode the lining of the pipes. And a weak 800lb natural gas main in a residential community is typically considered a bad thing. Our job was to attach sensors to the pipe that will measure the levels of corrosion and also attach the wires to the pipe that will later be attached to another system that will draw the current safely away from the pipe.
In other words, yours truly had his face 3 inches away from the outer shell of an 800lb, live, gas main peeling away the cold-tar coating, exposing bare metal so the more experienced guys could weld wires on to the front. My job also included mixing and applying the epoxy to seal the welds and protect them from damage. As well as various amounts of digging, scraping, pounding, probing, lugging, driving and carrying. I was paid well for my work and am happy with what I did.
It felt good to be out working with my hands even though my left hand, and only my left hand for some strange reason, did not react well to the early morning chill and moisture. 3 out of my 5 fingers have real severe skin cracks on them that are going to bother me for about a fucking month.
The guys I worked with were great guys. Jeremy was a kid a year older than me, a former bridge painter, he told me stories about being tied to the tops of bridges some 230 feet above the ground, or water, in cold New England winters. Billy, my breakfast partner, was a man of about 55 from Concord. With his thick and unmistakable New England accent I was surprised I wasn't talking like him by the end of my time there.
All in all it was a good experience, and the money I made will go a long way.
After all of this I remain more depressed than I have been in a LONG time.
It all goes back to my personal life, and those who revolve around this have already heard this so I have no problem putting it here. I have gone on a couple dates since my own insecurities betrayed me yet again. None of them have yet compared to what I had. They have been nice. Especially one, who loves Baltimore; the Orioles and beer - but lives in Virginia so there is no hope of even casually dating this person on a semi-regular basis. NOT THAT I EVEN REALLY WANT TO.
It comes down to this: I know what I want, but I can't have what I want. So on to plan B right? Well said "plan B" is the problem. There is none. Beyond that I have no idea what to do with myself in any kind of social setting. So I am back in Bel Air, but I might as well have stayed in New Jersey as I feel that the few connections I have made with people over the last few years will slowly begin to disappear as they are sacrificed to the alter of pre-existing social circles.
2006 has been a rough fucking year. Basically my world has come crashing down around me. God I know that sounds just so fucking retarded, but it has. My Dad is married, the woman I loved left me, the career I chased for 5 years has yet to materialize, I'm still living at home, my friends continue to move on and my car is continuing its slow slow death. This fucking year can't end soon enough.
I used to look towards the new year with a sense of wonder and anticipation, but I just don't see how this gets any better for me right now. How much longer will I remain in neutral before I finally get things in gear? When will I finally turn the corner?
My philosophy on life is very simple: Equilibrium. For those of you that have already heard this, feel free to browse ahead. But EVERYTHING in life strives to reach balance, equilibrium. From nature to economics it is all about finding that magic point where everything is in balance with everything else. For every good there is a bad, for every day of joy there is one of abject horror. And so on.
How long before my upswing? How long before I get a bit of good news?
Someone keeps telling me: "James, you are due and deserve a long stretch of good things." Personally I find it rather ironic that this person tells me this, all things considered. Regardless, that person is right, I do deserve a long stretch of good things - the question is will my psyche hold on for that long?
At the moment I don't like the way my mind is working things out. It can't find the silver linings anymore, it's looking for cheap quick fixes rather than long-term solutions. It's heading places I thought I left behind me a long time ago.