a little overwhelmed
Why do I do this to myself? I overwork myself to the brink of exhaustion, procrastinate, stay up late studying and doing random shit, and basically just stress myself out. I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it. I'm a bundle of nerves, I'm full of anxiety, and I'm about to explode. I thought November would be easier, but it won't be. All my big projects and papers are due this month. And I just want it to be Thanksgiving so I can GET A W A Y from all of this. Too bad I have a couple big obstacles to overcome until I get there.
It doesn't help that I've been overthinking things lately. A lot. I thought college was about discovering yourself, but the more and more involved i get, the more and more I realize that I don't know who I am. I don't even know what my values are, when push comes to shove. I don't know what I like, what I don't like. I don't know what I think about God anymore. I'm afraid that the image I portray is fake...namely because I don't know who I am or who I want to be.
As much as I want to the semester to be over, I realize that is no relief either, seeing as I will most likely be going back to Muskegon and working as much as possible. I really just feel like I'm living to die, and when I die, i want to Rest In Peace. I don't feel like I was cut out for this thing called life. I never asked to be born, so why am I here taking up resources that could be better spent on someone else?
All-in-all, I can't even appreciate my own self-pity because I know that my problems are only menial, superficial even, when compared to the problems of the other 6 billion people living on planet earth.
It doesn't help that I've been overthinking things lately. A lot. I thought college was about discovering yourself, but the more and more involved i get, the more and more I realize that I don't know who I am. I don't even know what my values are, when push comes to shove. I don't know what I like, what I don't like. I don't know what I think about God anymore. I'm afraid that the image I portray is fake...namely because I don't know who I am or who I want to be.
As much as I want to the semester to be over, I realize that is no relief either, seeing as I will most likely be going back to Muskegon and working as much as possible. I really just feel like I'm living to die, and when I die, i want to Rest In Peace. I don't feel like I was cut out for this thing called life. I never asked to be born, so why am I here taking up resources that could be better spent on someone else?
All-in-all, I can't even appreciate my own self-pity because I know that my problems are only menial, superficial even, when compared to the problems of the other 6 billion people living on planet earth.