britney at the VMAs - what did you expect?
everyone's throwing their hat into the ring on this one, so i thought i may as well record my thoughts. without succumbing to the fever pitched emotion of the now famous 'gay cryer' who howled at online viewers about poor britney's tough life, or lowering myself to the depths of perez hilton-style 'fuck you britney you suck and you have a beer belly' insults, i'd like to give a critical appraisal of the events leading up to the performance, the performance itself, and how i see things panning out for our little brit brit.
almost hot
so let's not beat around the bush - brit is one fried little unit. she's been a smashed crab since she had jayden, and my immediate reaction to that is: post-natal depression. or at least, some kind of chemical imbalance. if pretty young girls who feel they only have their looks to rely on drop kids young, it's natural for them to be scared of their new bodies and freaked out by the responsibility, let alone the immense hormonal changes the body goes through once the baby is born. it doesn't excuse a descent into drug abuse, and i wouldn't presume to use it as one, but i'm pretty sure it's been a catalyst here. that and her aunt died of cancer, plus her husband who she loved with all her heart and soul ended up using her to make a name for himself and get rich. ouchtown. poor love, but it doesn't mean she had to give a sub-par performance. it also doesn't mean she's a junkie or needs to go to rehab. she just needs to slow down a bit.
hot
the performance itself. mmm. i would give her a 7 out of 10, which to some people might seem generous, but i'm giving her two extra points for the fact that the track is so strong, and the dancers were really really good. she choreographed the piece herself and while critics said it lacked the 'energy' of her earlier choreography, i think the lack of 'energy' can be chalked up to one thing: where was her confidence? brit used to own that fucken stage, but last sunday night, the poor little vegemite looked scared half to death! i don't blame her - not only was every industry heavyweight in LA there, 7.4 million viewers were watching on live, and every motherfucker with a blog was waiting for one stumble, one jiggly bit of stomach, one weird looking bit of hair so they could go and write about how shit she was. cockroaches. of her costume, i will say that it was brave. it can't have been easy for a girl who's had two kids in three years (the last being born less than a year ago!) to get up on stage wearing a stripper outfit, and perhaps she shouldn't have. a black baby-doll dress would have worked well. i don't know what everyone was expecting - it's not normal for a woman to look the way she did pre-baby in six weeks! i find it sad that society still can't accept a temporary post-baby body for what it is. i find it especially funny that perez fat arse hilton wrote that she had a beer belly. she just had a baby you fat fuck - what's your excuse??
super fucken hot
as for her dancing, it was pretty obvious she hadn't rehearsed in the outfit much, especially with the stripper heels (she stumbled a few times and people have said that's because she was smashed, though to me, she really didn't look manky in the face), but brit can still bust out some pretty mean moves. honey needs to keep doing her spin classes and rehearsing. that's all that was missing from her dancing, besides her confidence. oh and the hair was just wrongtown, but word is she was so mortified with how it looked that she fired her hairstylist right before she walked out on stage. good move babe. now do it to your stylist and your trainer - and don't hire someone you've yanked from the trailer park this time. it's time to stop giving friends leg-ups into the industry and put yourself in the hands of the real pros. don't shave your head again sweetheart - you've got a weird shaped head. she lip-synched. so what. did you really expect her to break the habit of a lifetime for this performance? to be honest, i don't care if she sings live or not, as long as the product is entertaining. and it was. kinda.
sorry for being better than everyone else
people are fucked, and they're always going to be fucked. people are going to seize on any opportunity they can to tear another down from the pedestal they occupy. i'm not going to be able to change that in my lifetime, and i'm going to have to learn to live with it. but i refuse to become just another drone agreeing with perez hilton. no, 'we' don't think britney completely sucked at the VMAs. 'we' don't think she's a 'trainwreck'. the media attention paid to britney in the last few months is unprecedented. the last person to suffer so much scrutiny was diana, and we buried her ten years ago almost to the day. i have watched britney in the most ridiculous pap videos, entering a wig shop, ordering take-away food from a drive-thru, and even taking her children into a public restroom. it's not news when her kids need to take a shit. it's not news when she wears another bad weave. it's not even news when she looks 'fat'. i no longer watch those videos, i don't want to know. we should all take a step back and look at where we stand in our own 'trainwreck' 'hot mess' lives.
to everyone who says they were disappointed by the performance, i ask you - just what the fuck did you expect? MTV pulled the funding for the whole criss angel concept, and she had to re-stage the entire piece for a smaller auditorium at the last minute. that's enough to throw off even the most polished performance. i've said it before, and i'll say it again for you britney, you're a brave and wonderful woman. don't stop being yourself - sure, you might have looked like a worn out stripper who'd just worked a double shift - but you were brave enough to once again front the world and make us bounce around. fiddy thinks you killed it and rihanna was going off. you're not 'back' - you never left. you're a fucken star. all you have to do is keep it together. come on baby, just keep it together...
... because i still want more
almost hot
so let's not beat around the bush - brit is one fried little unit. she's been a smashed crab since she had jayden, and my immediate reaction to that is: post-natal depression. or at least, some kind of chemical imbalance. if pretty young girls who feel they only have their looks to rely on drop kids young, it's natural for them to be scared of their new bodies and freaked out by the responsibility, let alone the immense hormonal changes the body goes through once the baby is born. it doesn't excuse a descent into drug abuse, and i wouldn't presume to use it as one, but i'm pretty sure it's been a catalyst here. that and her aunt died of cancer, plus her husband who she loved with all her heart and soul ended up using her to make a name for himself and get rich. ouchtown. poor love, but it doesn't mean she had to give a sub-par performance. it also doesn't mean she's a junkie or needs to go to rehab. she just needs to slow down a bit.
hot
the performance itself. mmm. i would give her a 7 out of 10, which to some people might seem generous, but i'm giving her two extra points for the fact that the track is so strong, and the dancers were really really good. she choreographed the piece herself and while critics said it lacked the 'energy' of her earlier choreography, i think the lack of 'energy' can be chalked up to one thing: where was her confidence? brit used to own that fucken stage, but last sunday night, the poor little vegemite looked scared half to death! i don't blame her - not only was every industry heavyweight in LA there, 7.4 million viewers were watching on live, and every motherfucker with a blog was waiting for one stumble, one jiggly bit of stomach, one weird looking bit of hair so they could go and write about how shit she was. cockroaches. of her costume, i will say that it was brave. it can't have been easy for a girl who's had two kids in three years (the last being born less than a year ago!) to get up on stage wearing a stripper outfit, and perhaps she shouldn't have. a black baby-doll dress would have worked well. i don't know what everyone was expecting - it's not normal for a woman to look the way she did pre-baby in six weeks! i find it sad that society still can't accept a temporary post-baby body for what it is. i find it especially funny that perez fat arse hilton wrote that she had a beer belly. she just had a baby you fat fuck - what's your excuse??
super fucken hot
as for her dancing, it was pretty obvious she hadn't rehearsed in the outfit much, especially with the stripper heels (she stumbled a few times and people have said that's because she was smashed, though to me, she really didn't look manky in the face), but brit can still bust out some pretty mean moves. honey needs to keep doing her spin classes and rehearsing. that's all that was missing from her dancing, besides her confidence. oh and the hair was just wrongtown, but word is she was so mortified with how it looked that she fired her hairstylist right before she walked out on stage. good move babe. now do it to your stylist and your trainer - and don't hire someone you've yanked from the trailer park this time. it's time to stop giving friends leg-ups into the industry and put yourself in the hands of the real pros. don't shave your head again sweetheart - you've got a weird shaped head. she lip-synched. so what. did you really expect her to break the habit of a lifetime for this performance? to be honest, i don't care if she sings live or not, as long as the product is entertaining. and it was. kinda.
sorry for being better than everyone else
people are fucked, and they're always going to be fucked. people are going to seize on any opportunity they can to tear another down from the pedestal they occupy. i'm not going to be able to change that in my lifetime, and i'm going to have to learn to live with it. but i refuse to become just another drone agreeing with perez hilton. no, 'we' don't think britney completely sucked at the VMAs. 'we' don't think she's a 'trainwreck'. the media attention paid to britney in the last few months is unprecedented. the last person to suffer so much scrutiny was diana, and we buried her ten years ago almost to the day. i have watched britney in the most ridiculous pap videos, entering a wig shop, ordering take-away food from a drive-thru, and even taking her children into a public restroom. it's not news when her kids need to take a shit. it's not news when she wears another bad weave. it's not even news when she looks 'fat'. i no longer watch those videos, i don't want to know. we should all take a step back and look at where we stand in our own 'trainwreck' 'hot mess' lives.
to everyone who says they were disappointed by the performance, i ask you - just what the fuck did you expect? MTV pulled the funding for the whole criss angel concept, and she had to re-stage the entire piece for a smaller auditorium at the last minute. that's enough to throw off even the most polished performance. i've said it before, and i'll say it again for you britney, you're a brave and wonderful woman. don't stop being yourself - sure, you might have looked like a worn out stripper who'd just worked a double shift - but you were brave enough to once again front the world and make us bounce around. fiddy thinks you killed it and rihanna was going off. you're not 'back' - you never left. you're a fucken star. all you have to do is keep it together. come on baby, just keep it together...
... because i still want more