I thought this time, this time we're gonna make it; Why I thought so, I really don't know...
I am so angry at you. I don't think I've EVER been so angry at you. That time during yours and E's birthdays? You know, when I found out that you'd put our friendship on the line for your failing relationship and then lied to me about it? And I screamed at you over the phone? Yeah, still not this much. Because honestly, it's been just piling up and piling up, and I'm sick of it. I'm done with your bullshit.
All you ever do or say is bullshit. You are not a good friend. Plain and simple. If you always thought people stopped being your friend because you were never available like you told me- how I was the one who stuck by you even though you could never do anything- you were so wrong. They were just too uncomfortable with telling you the real truth- you are just a bad friend and they didn't want to put up with your over dramatic, self-pitying, always-trying-to-blame-others ways anymore.
Sure, you do some things right. The way you defended me against Cam was great. Telling him off for me. But even THAT was mostly fueled by your anger at your NEXT failed relationship.
Because that's another really annoying thing. Your relationships. Good GOD man! How many boyfriends can you fall head over HEALS in love with in such a short time!? I mean, HONESTLY!? I've told you TIME AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN- all those PLENTY of times that I help you out to be given WHAT in return- that you are WAY TOO CODEPENDENT. You have a serious problem with that. You ALWAYS have to be in a relationship. ALWAYS. I was pulling for your relationship with E, up until the end. Sure, there were extenuating circumstances with that one and my motivations, but most of it was because it was just unhealthy! But I say, "Hey, it was just that one relationship." And you move onto D. And I was STILL on your side the whole time. Until after you broke up with him and then began hating him, I saw all the reasons. But then I talked to D. Like really talked to him. And I AM ON HIS SIDE. YOU LIE. ALL THE TIME. I don't know how to trust you anymore! D was really young, and you were his first boyfriend! You told him you loved him and you wanted to spend your life with him and he thought it was all real! And then when you broke up with him, you expected him to just get over it and move on, to just realize that you never really meant it. It was his first break up, and you just expected him to be able to handle it, and sorry if he can't handle it the way you wanted him to. I had to be the one to help him pick up the pieces. You know where I got the experience? From helping YOU pick up the pieces so many times with E. You KNOW what it's like to have the one person you love and care about cruelly toss you aside and just stop caring. And you would cry and beg and plead and do EVERYTHING wrong, but I would STILL help you and hold you and let you cry on my shoulder. But you always wanted to cry on E's shoulder. And now, when D just needs help and support and guidance, you are acting like E had with you! And it's rather sickening. And then what do you do? Not a MINUTE later, you're with T. And you LOVE T. And you want to be with T FOREVER and EVER and EVER. And when you find out that T loves R, you STILL wanted to be with T. And when T and R pretty much betrayed you, you were angry but you STILL wanted to be with T. You ONLY LOVED T and I JUST WANT TO BE WITH T! For about a week. Until you got with B.
And what did I say? I said "But you aren't in love with him, right? I mean, you were JUST in love with T." And you say "NO! Of course not! I'm not in love with B YET." I need to pay attention to that yet. Because that yet could mean you'll take a decent amount of time, or it could mean "But I'll be in love with him in about an hour" which is what it seemed like. Because all of a sudden I'm getting tweets about how much you love him and can't live without him, and you know what it's reminding me of? THE SAME EXACT THINGS YOU SAID TO E AND D AND T!!! I'll take E out of the equation for a second, and say that being with/breaking up with D, being with/breaking up with T, and being with B was all in a span of WHAT? TWO MONTHS!?
Seriously, and I'm STILL on ONLY RELATIONSHIPS. Which I could go on FOREVER about. But see, that would be doing exactly what you want me to do. Make EVERYTHING about YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. NEWS FLASH! YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE, no matter HOW MUCH YOU WANT THEM TO BE. Oh, make no mistake. I know you MAKE it the most important thing. But SERIOUSLY. YOU AREN'T FIT FOR ONE. You don't DESERVE one. Not until you GROW. UP.
And EVEN AS I WRITE THIS, I AM FINDING OUT MORE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE! Just in the last few DAYS! SERIOUSLY!? SERIOUSLY!? YOU ARE GOING TO SAY THAT IT'S OVER WITH D AND YOU LOVE B, BUT THEN YOU GO ON SEXTING D AND SENDING HIM PICTURES? AND THAT IS SUPPOSED TO HELP!? YOU'RE LEADING ON A 15 YEAR OLD BOY! YOU ARE FUCKING CRAZY! AND YOU'RE STILL WITH B! WHO YOU CLAIM TO LOVE!
I honestly can't take much more of you. Unless you change, I can't be your friend. I just can't. You make every problem into some huge thing and I try to help, but you NEVER listen. You make the same mistakes over and over and over, and sometimes I feel like you do it on purpose. I make time on my last day in Orlando to have you over, and we can't wait to see each other in the city. But I only see you on your first day, and on your last, you never even suggest we get together. You never even said GOODBYE. Just a text saying your plane was about to take off. I was on the phone FOREVER with this woman who was DESPERATELY trying to get me a ticket to In the Heights because you made me promise not to see it until I could see it with you. And then you didn't even go. Sure, you tried... I guess... but I ALWAYS try harder. You have never even given me a gift! That Next to Normal ticket was supposed to be a gift because you "are so bad with those" and I STILL ended up paying for my own ticket. And sure, you're broke. Because I have so much money to buy you two Christmas gifts. And sure, you didn't ask for them. But YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO. You're my best friend. IT'S A GIVEN.
And you still don't even notice that I'm not talking to you. Just goes to show how often we talked before. Whatever.
You just... you remind me of my dad.
Thanks for a great friendship. I only hope you decide whether I'm a friend worth having or not. Because I honestly don't know if it's worth it for you to be my friend anymore.
All you ever do or say is bullshit. You are not a good friend. Plain and simple. If you always thought people stopped being your friend because you were never available like you told me- how I was the one who stuck by you even though you could never do anything- you were so wrong. They were just too uncomfortable with telling you the real truth- you are just a bad friend and they didn't want to put up with your over dramatic, self-pitying, always-trying-to-blame-others ways anymore.
Sure, you do some things right. The way you defended me against Cam was great. Telling him off for me. But even THAT was mostly fueled by your anger at your NEXT failed relationship.
Because that's another really annoying thing. Your relationships. Good GOD man! How many boyfriends can you fall head over HEALS in love with in such a short time!? I mean, HONESTLY!? I've told you TIME AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN- all those PLENTY of times that I help you out to be given WHAT in return- that you are WAY TOO CODEPENDENT. You have a serious problem with that. You ALWAYS have to be in a relationship. ALWAYS. I was pulling for your relationship with E, up until the end. Sure, there were extenuating circumstances with that one and my motivations, but most of it was because it was just unhealthy! But I say, "Hey, it was just that one relationship." And you move onto D. And I was STILL on your side the whole time. Until after you broke up with him and then began hating him, I saw all the reasons. But then I talked to D. Like really talked to him. And I AM ON HIS SIDE. YOU LIE. ALL THE TIME. I don't know how to trust you anymore! D was really young, and you were his first boyfriend! You told him you loved him and you wanted to spend your life with him and he thought it was all real! And then when you broke up with him, you expected him to just get over it and move on, to just realize that you never really meant it. It was his first break up, and you just expected him to be able to handle it, and sorry if he can't handle it the way you wanted him to. I had to be the one to help him pick up the pieces. You know where I got the experience? From helping YOU pick up the pieces so many times with E. You KNOW what it's like to have the one person you love and care about cruelly toss you aside and just stop caring. And you would cry and beg and plead and do EVERYTHING wrong, but I would STILL help you and hold you and let you cry on my shoulder. But you always wanted to cry on E's shoulder. And now, when D just needs help and support and guidance, you are acting like E had with you! And it's rather sickening. And then what do you do? Not a MINUTE later, you're with T. And you LOVE T. And you want to be with T FOREVER and EVER and EVER. And when you find out that T loves R, you STILL wanted to be with T. And when T and R pretty much betrayed you, you were angry but you STILL wanted to be with T. You ONLY LOVED T and I JUST WANT TO BE WITH T! For about a week. Until you got with B.
And what did I say? I said "But you aren't in love with him, right? I mean, you were JUST in love with T." And you say "NO! Of course not! I'm not in love with B YET." I need to pay attention to that yet. Because that yet could mean you'll take a decent amount of time, or it could mean "But I'll be in love with him in about an hour" which is what it seemed like. Because all of a sudden I'm getting tweets about how much you love him and can't live without him, and you know what it's reminding me of? THE SAME EXACT THINGS YOU SAID TO E AND D AND T!!! I'll take E out of the equation for a second, and say that being with/breaking up with D, being with/breaking up with T, and being with B was all in a span of WHAT? TWO MONTHS!?
Seriously, and I'm STILL on ONLY RELATIONSHIPS. Which I could go on FOREVER about. But see, that would be doing exactly what you want me to do. Make EVERYTHING about YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. NEWS FLASH! YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE, no matter HOW MUCH YOU WANT THEM TO BE. Oh, make no mistake. I know you MAKE it the most important thing. But SERIOUSLY. YOU AREN'T FIT FOR ONE. You don't DESERVE one. Not until you GROW. UP.
And EVEN AS I WRITE THIS, I AM FINDING OUT MORE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE! Just in the last few DAYS! SERIOUSLY!? SERIOUSLY!? YOU ARE GOING TO SAY THAT IT'S OVER WITH D AND YOU LOVE B, BUT THEN YOU GO ON SEXTING D AND SENDING HIM PICTURES? AND THAT IS SUPPOSED TO HELP!? YOU'RE LEADING ON A 15 YEAR OLD BOY! YOU ARE FUCKING CRAZY! AND YOU'RE STILL WITH B! WHO YOU CLAIM TO LOVE!
I honestly can't take much more of you. Unless you change, I can't be your friend. I just can't. You make every problem into some huge thing and I try to help, but you NEVER listen. You make the same mistakes over and over and over, and sometimes I feel like you do it on purpose. I make time on my last day in Orlando to have you over, and we can't wait to see each other in the city. But I only see you on your first day, and on your last, you never even suggest we get together. You never even said GOODBYE. Just a text saying your plane was about to take off. I was on the phone FOREVER with this woman who was DESPERATELY trying to get me a ticket to In the Heights because you made me promise not to see it until I could see it with you. And then you didn't even go. Sure, you tried... I guess... but I ALWAYS try harder. You have never even given me a gift! That Next to Normal ticket was supposed to be a gift because you "are so bad with those" and I STILL ended up paying for my own ticket. And sure, you're broke. Because I have so much money to buy you two Christmas gifts. And sure, you didn't ask for them. But YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO. You're my best friend. IT'S A GIVEN.
And you still don't even notice that I'm not talking to you. Just goes to show how often we talked before. Whatever.
You just... you remind me of my dad.
Thanks for a great friendship. I only hope you decide whether I'm a friend worth having or not. Because I honestly don't know if it's worth it for you to be my friend anymore.