i guess that's why they call it the blues

[jazzylove]

so the day has come...i never have to see jason again unless i happen to run into him somewhere. and surprisingly i'm not as thrilled as i thought i would be about it. i mean, i am happy that i don't have to see his dumb ass almost every day, but towards the end i started to accept the fact that i would have to deal with him until he got transferred elsewhere, and i was happy that he could see that i was moving on with my life. even though i don't talk about it anymore, sometimes i will just sit and remember all the things he did to hurt me and i realize that i'm still not over him. i'm definitely making progress and now that i don't have to see him it will go even faster, but in the weirdest way, i miss him. and i don't know why. i still wish we could have had a normal relationship and we could have worked out and he felt the same way i felt about him and treated me how i deserved to be treated. but even after we were over he still hurt me by the things he did. and he didn't seem to care that he was hurting me. that is really the reason why i'm not over it yet. so basically, i'm not over him and i'm not over what he did to me. but i will be. i have no idea how he feels about me either...i'm thinking he probably hates me for getting him in trouble, but hey, you fucked with the wrong girl. ultimately the blame is back on him for doing me wrong in the first place, and somewhere in that tiny brain of his he must know that. it's like i can go the whole day now without thinking about him, but at the end of the day, he's still there in my head. i know it'll go away eventually and i don't have to worry about him trying to talk to me.

besides that, i met this new guy and i thought i liked him but i'm having second thoughts. now i feel horrible for getting involved in the first place. but, i can't force myself to like someone and i wouldn't want him to waste time on me if he didn't like me. it's still early in the talking stage so it shouldn't be so bad, but at the same time i hate that kind of confrontation...but dont we all?

lately i've been feeling very lazy. i don't feel like doing anything.