D:
Bleh...went to bed a little over an hour ago and had alot of trouble getting to sleep..in fact I think I laid there wide awake for at least 25 minutes. I was finally starting to doze off when I heard a noise that startled me...I woke up and checked out the perimeter of the house to make sure everything was alright. Naturally, it was, so I assume it was just a gust of wind that caused my blinds to smash into my wall (the most likely source of the noise, as everything is as it was when I turned in).
So I went back to bed, or, well, tried...and once again I'm feeling very restless...my mind is racing a mile a minute. You see, so many things are happening right now...alot of big things, and will be for the coming months. My new job is one of the biggest things; I'm concerned with doing a good job and making sure I keep a favorable impression up. I feel like its going extremely well which is great, but I also feel a great responsibility to keep it up, and theres alot more to learn still which is honestly a bit unnerving.
Another big thing is the coming months with Nicki. We're not entirely sure whats happening just yet, but the gears have started turning for her to move up here, live with me here at my parent's house for a few months while we get her a job and get our lives ready to take our first step forward, together. I'm extremely excited about this, I really am, but its also a bit stressing because the details are so vague and theres so many things that are left 'to be worked out'.
I try to be the type that doesn't worry about things, I do my best not to stress over things that are yet to come, or that may never be. Worrying does little good, especially when theres nothing that can be done immediately. For the most part, I think I do a decent job of not stressing myself out over things when I have little control, but some nights I fall prey to it and can't help but worry a bit. Its usually just a matter of feeling insecure in the uncertainty that lies ahead. As I said, I try to be the type that doesn't worry about such things, but every so often my mind gives in to weakness, and it is a rather vicious cycle..once my thoughts start racing, its very difficult to soothe them.
Unfortunately, these are usually the nights I can least afford to lose sleep. For instance, on a Sunday night at 2 am. I have to be up in 5 hours and yet I find myself sitting here typing this in hopes that maybe if I get it out of my head into some written form it may help calm me down. I debated calling Nicki, but that would not be fair to her, she has to be up in the morning as well, and her work is a lot more stressful than mine. I wish she had off tommorow, I know I'd feel alot better if I talked to her for a bit, but she doesn't get enough sleep as is and I would feel really bad if I woke her up.
Actually Nicki IS helping me in a sense, even being asleep. This morning I woke up to an IM that gave me a link to: http://youtube.com/watch?v=BJvR85yddec and said that it would cheer me up whenever I was not happy. I'd already watched the link itself this morning to see what it was, but while I was typing this I watched another episode of this...it is ridiculously cute and heart-warming. Since its making me feel better, I feel the need to share it. So I'm really glad that Nicki found that and shared it with me, thanks for that honeydoll. Also, my special moose that Nicki made me has gotten alot of hugs and snuggles tonight as well. So even without my bothering her, she has been more than able to help me through a troubled night.
Back to the topic, all I do know right now is that I have some very big plans coming in the next few months and I hope that I can stick to them and finally deliver on the promises I made to Nicki almost 3 years ago. I worry that things are going to try to interfere with these plans, as has been the case for these past years. I don't really have any specific worries, its more just a general fear that -something- will go wrong. But no matter what I'm never giving up. We've made it this far together and I look at the coming few months as a sort of final test and I just know in my heart that we can overcome the distance for just a little bit longer, and from there the future is one we share together. I look forward to never missing her birthday, our anniversary, or holidays with her ever again, and just the thought that every day will be special because I'll be with her brings a smile right to my face. These thoughts makes me incredibly happy, and just writing about them has eased my mind significantly.
With that I'll end my most likely incoherent rambling and head back to bed, I feel ready for sleep now, and I feel more ready than ever to embrace the coming months. We will get through them, and there will be a metaphorical rainbow at the end.
So I went back to bed, or, well, tried...and once again I'm feeling very restless...my mind is racing a mile a minute. You see, so many things are happening right now...alot of big things, and will be for the coming months. My new job is one of the biggest things; I'm concerned with doing a good job and making sure I keep a favorable impression up. I feel like its going extremely well which is great, but I also feel a great responsibility to keep it up, and theres alot more to learn still which is honestly a bit unnerving.
Another big thing is the coming months with Nicki. We're not entirely sure whats happening just yet, but the gears have started turning for her to move up here, live with me here at my parent's house for a few months while we get her a job and get our lives ready to take our first step forward, together. I'm extremely excited about this, I really am, but its also a bit stressing because the details are so vague and theres so many things that are left 'to be worked out'.
I try to be the type that doesn't worry about things, I do my best not to stress over things that are yet to come, or that may never be. Worrying does little good, especially when theres nothing that can be done immediately. For the most part, I think I do a decent job of not stressing myself out over things when I have little control, but some nights I fall prey to it and can't help but worry a bit. Its usually just a matter of feeling insecure in the uncertainty that lies ahead. As I said, I try to be the type that doesn't worry about such things, but every so often my mind gives in to weakness, and it is a rather vicious cycle..once my thoughts start racing, its very difficult to soothe them.
Unfortunately, these are usually the nights I can least afford to lose sleep. For instance, on a Sunday night at 2 am. I have to be up in 5 hours and yet I find myself sitting here typing this in hopes that maybe if I get it out of my head into some written form it may help calm me down. I debated calling Nicki, but that would not be fair to her, she has to be up in the morning as well, and her work is a lot more stressful than mine. I wish she had off tommorow, I know I'd feel alot better if I talked to her for a bit, but she doesn't get enough sleep as is and I would feel really bad if I woke her up.
Actually Nicki IS helping me in a sense, even being asleep. This morning I woke up to an IM that gave me a link to: http://youtube.com/watch?v=BJvR85yddec and said that it would cheer me up whenever I was not happy. I'd already watched the link itself this morning to see what it was, but while I was typing this I watched another episode of this...it is ridiculously cute and heart-warming. Since its making me feel better, I feel the need to share it. So I'm really glad that Nicki found that and shared it with me, thanks for that honeydoll. Also, my special moose that Nicki made me has gotten alot of hugs and snuggles tonight as well. So even without my bothering her, she has been more than able to help me through a troubled night.
Back to the topic, all I do know right now is that I have some very big plans coming in the next few months and I hope that I can stick to them and finally deliver on the promises I made to Nicki almost 3 years ago. I worry that things are going to try to interfere with these plans, as has been the case for these past years. I don't really have any specific worries, its more just a general fear that -something- will go wrong. But no matter what I'm never giving up. We've made it this far together and I look at the coming few months as a sort of final test and I just know in my heart that we can overcome the distance for just a little bit longer, and from there the future is one we share together. I look forward to never missing her birthday, our anniversary, or holidays with her ever again, and just the thought that every day will be special because I'll be with her brings a smile right to my face. These thoughts makes me incredibly happy, and just writing about them has eased my mind significantly.
With that I'll end my most likely incoherent rambling and head back to bed, I feel ready for sleep now, and I feel more ready than ever to embrace the coming months. We will get through them, and there will be a metaphorical rainbow at the end.