ICHA ICHA SENSEI part 3 & 4
Title; Icha Icha Sensei
Author: Jazzy
Pairing: Iruka/Kakashi
Rating: M
PART THREE
His chakra was a raw red, there was a rare moment when he was not so angry that he could kill his allies and enemy alike as well as flay alive a few chosen children and one extremely annoying grey haired Cyclops with a pervy smirk under his covered face. Hatake was the straw that was breaking this particular camel’s back.
The stress of dealing with miniature shinobi and not so miniature shinobi was starting to grate on his nerves. It was rare these days that Iruka didn’t suffer from throbbing pain in his jaw from grinding his teethe, to the vein that liked to pop in his forehead. His blood pressure was becoming scary, his pinched nerves were so frayed and so thinned that it had become a problem. His kunai and shurikan were seeing more action these days then in the year before, even in Naruto’s classroom, in today’s classroom and at the mission desk, children and shinobi alike had almost been severely injured by his perfect aim and quite recently blinding speed.
Iruka usually didn’t consider himself a blood thirsty or violent man, what he will grudgingly admit to is a short temper. And on recognizing this fact and the fact that on nearly killing the Third’s grandson for the fourth time in as many days, Iruka decided it was perhaps time for him to seek professional help.
Anger Management
It started with one-on-one conversations with his therapist then moved to private journal, and a near commitment to group sessions, but instead settled on privacy and the elegant and simple recording of his moods and dreams in a journal. It was decided that using this journal would be key to figuring out his triggers and then from there to find techniques to avoid the triggers control over him and turn him into his violent blood thirsty murderous rage induced maniac alternate self.
Most recently in using this technique Iruka has realized that one major trigger for his emotional meltdown has been one: Hatake Kakashi, team leader of team seven, Naruto’s Jounin instructor. Kakashi had been bugging Iruka for four years now and Iruka couldn’t figure out what he had done in his twenty odd years of life to deserve such hazing as he had received from Hatake for all that time. Four years of harassment and still Iruka could not figure out why Hatake was so interested in screwing with him on an almost constant basis.
This Jounin was a perverse one. He had actually volunteered take on Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, for his reason…. well currently it was unknown, at least to Iruka and his reasons only suspected by those strange Jounin who delighted in hoarding secrets and never letting the little treasure out into the public knowledge
Iruka felt irrationally as if everyone knew some secret that he did not, for when he would ask them in a sensitive manner and in a round-about, beneath-the-beneath kind of way, he was constantly running up against amused twinkling eyes and complete silence and a change of subject on the subject.
Iruka figured Hatake only volunteered because he knew Iruka had been the three students’ sensei previously and in becoming their new Jounin Sensei it would give the perverse and smug and irritating bastard more excuses, more chances and further time to irritate and hassle and harass an already overloaded Chunin Umino Iruka Sensei.
But lately Iruka had been feeling less irritable and calm. He felt his techniques and hard work were at last paying off. He felt happier then he could recall in recent memory thanks to his therapist and his private journal.
An explanation of his techniques which he followed as a new convert:
Technique: Private time: Recognizing the need for isolation and assert his rights and make it happen; a moment or longer of complete isolation from others. A time only for himself, no noise no paperwork, no one and nothing, well except maybe nature. Like a walk in a non populated area where he could watch the birds or the wild life like deer and rabbits and flowers.
Another Technique: Calming music, soft music, music made with wind or string instruments, no rock-n-roll, mood enhancing, classics, or instrumental music only.
Another Technique: Breathing exercises, and deep self hypnosis and meditation.
These techniques really seemed to be working for him. However there was still that one pesky little problem Iruka was still experiencing.
Hatake Kakashi.
Avoidance didn’t seem to work at all. Mainly because thanks to his job at the missions’ desk, Team Seven, mainly Hatake Kakashi was always there handing in some less then standard document, sloppily put together and stained with the gods only knew what substances, and thanks in part to Iruka’s paternal feelings towards and spending time with young Uzumaki Naruto, wherein the Jounin just had to tag along, including eating off of Iruka’s hard earned dime.
Iruka prayed constantly for patience and self control. But it didn’t seem to be working. Therapy could only do so much. Iruka was at wits end with how to deal with the aggravating Hatake Kakashi.
Iruka knew he was being stalked by the masked man. He’d even put in a formal complaint against Hatake but because Hatake was Hatake there was no proof and nothing could be done about it.
Slick bastard!
Why did Hatake need to know where Iruka was at any given time during the day? Why Kakashi feel he had the right to check up on him, and know what was going on in his life was beyond Iruka’s understanding. It was none of that perverted Jounin’s business what Iruka did in his private life away from the Academy and away from the missions’ desk and away from being the third’s personal secretary.
If no one could find Iruka, or if Hatake hadn’t seen Iruka for a while, Hatake simply sicked his hounds on Iruka’s trail.
It was humiliating and freaking embarrassing to be treated like a way ward child without a single brain in his head. Just thinking about the last such incident nearly had Iruka flash flame yet another sloppy Jounin’s sloppy report.
Usually of late, everyone tiptoed around Iruka. They walked on eggshells, if you will, around the temperamental highly emotional Chunin Sensei. No one wanted a water attack or a flame attack or another shurikan or kunai sticking out of their armor. Iruka was deadly wicked with those things and if he ran out of them he could turn a paperclip into a deadly weapon, or the stapler with its little tiny innocuous staples could be turned into a weapon of mass destruction. Or if one was lucky one could instead court Iruka’s typical version of revenge, a prank a joke a tiny bit of humiliation that one could walk away with but not with one’s dignity attached.
Though which was better was up for debate.
Injury or humiliation?
If one had the choice they would instead choose the teleportation jutsu or the replacement jutsu, but who was so terrible enough to deserve such a punishment? Well, more often then not, many jutsued Kakashi into taking their place. But again because Kakashi Hatake was who Kakashi Hatake was, Iruka’s techniques though growing in strength and variety was still quite easily counter measured by the ever graceful and powerful Hatake Kakashi.
Kakashi treated it as some form of game which of course had the much foreseen affect of enraging Iruka to the pique of temper, at that point not even Kakashi could defend against his cute little love-dolphin. Iruka in a rage was simply breathtaking, of course no one was going to tell Iruka that, especially not Kakashi if he wanted to live or better yet keep his lower appendage and any possible chance of bedding Iruka successfully, in tact.
Everyone tensed as they felt that familiar thrum of racing chakra. Iruka’s face seemed to slowly get bigger, the vein in his forehead throbbed back to life, color chased after color across his face in warning, the colors and facial expressions were a form of scale of balance, a pendulum swinging from one emotion to the next, tipping the Shinobi to the fact that they were coming dangerously close to combustion point.
But surprise, Iruka took a deep deep breath held it then let it out in a slow cleansing stream, his chakra dropped, his color evened out into its usual bronze tones, his face became placid and a small business-like smile plastered itself to his face. It was kind of eery, almost scary, how Iruka had gone from near combustion point to self containment in fifteen seconds flat.
Shinobi blinked.
Kakashi waited muscles trembling, exhilaration singing in his veins, only to feel his feelings plummet as his lovely academy sensei, his little love-dolphin, turn placid. Kakashi blinked. Iruka usually came out of his chair kunai flying at about this point in the morning when introduced to crappily filled out forms.
“Thank you for your hard work, Sarutobi-san. But if you will please, fill out a brand new form in clearly printed neat hand writing, that would be even more appreciated.” Smile, smile.
It looked as if it hurt.
Kakashi tip toed carefully up to the Chunin. He felt afraid. This could not possibly be his Love-Dolphin. This had to be an imposter! He noted that he was not the only Shinobi making gestures of the “break genjutsu” hand signs. Still, there was no poof of smoke, no sudden transformation, no dizzying change of scenery, no, this Iruka was still seated in his place at his desk, smiling politely at the gaping masses of Shinobi.
Kakashi decided this called for even further drastic measures.
“Uh, Iruka Umino-Sensei, are you perhaps feeling under the weather?” Wrong question. If Iruka was sick, he’d be even more cranky and irritable then usual. Iruka didn’t do placid and calm when he was sick. He did dramatic and pissy.
“I am feeling fine, thank you for asking, Hatake Kakashi-sensei.” Smile smile.
Kakashi shivered. “Are you… sure?” he asked.
Iruka smiled even wider, more brightly then even the Green Beast.
“Quite.” Iruka replied, gently.
Kakashi decided it was time for step two. Fingers shaking a little, Kakashi poked Iruka. He felt real enough, but this couldn’t possibly be real. This couldn’t be Iruka.
Iruka gave him a questioning look as did many of his fellow shinobi.
Kakashi continued to poke Iruka for the rest of the next hour.
Poke
Poke
“Am I bothering you?” inquired Kakashi.
Iruka shook his head and looked to the next ninja that was standing in line. “Your report please. Thank you for your hard work.”
Poke-poke-poke
Poke.
Poke
Poke
“Are you sure this isn’t bothering you, Iruka-sensei?” asked Kakashi.
Iruka took a deep breath and held it then let it out. He did this several times. Managing to just barely keep hold of his composure. But everyone could feel the chakra building. Everyone could see the fine cracks beginning to form in Iruka’s smiles and self control.
Poke
Poke
Poke
The shift finally ended and thinking that Kakashi would at long last relent and give up his idiotic poking, Iruka locked up his desk and tried to make his way home, just barely holding on to his self control, however Kakashi was not giving up.
Poke
Poke
Poke
The pokes were edging lower and lower till finally, the snapping point, Kakashi’s hand groped Iruka’s fine taught ass.
Iruka’s flare up could be felt throughout the village as could Iruka’s shriek of outrage, followed by the sound of bodily harm and one not so quiet outraged shinobi in training joined forces with his sensitive sweet sensei and together they forced Kakashi into the ground. With one last pile driver, Kakashi lost consciousness and Iruka and Naruto flounced off to their home for the night. Naruto crowing loud and hard all the way home, over his victory over Kakashi, and proclaiming guard duty of his poor sensei from the perverted Bakashi Sensei.
“Don’t you worry Iruka-Sensei, dattebayo! I wont let that pervert touch you again!” growl, stomp stomp of petite growing little boy feet.
Iruka smiled down at his disciple and gently scrubbed fingers through thick scruffy blonde hair. “Thank you Naruto-kun, I am sure I will sleep much easier tonight.” He chuckled warmly. Naruto’s sapphire wide bright eyes squinted as he smiled his foxy grin up at his favorite sensei.
Kakashi came to as Anbu medics tended his wounds and the Hokage was smoking his pipe chortling over Kakashi’s condition.
“You’re trying too hard, Kakashi. Four years is a long time, don’t you think, to keep this little routine of yours going? Confess your feelings already. The two of you are driving your peers absolutely mad.”
Kakashi scowled then pouted as he felt an unusual sense of discouragement flow through him. “Iruka hates me.” He whimpered pathetically, sniffling and fighting manfully against the encroachment of tears in his eyes.
Dynamic Entry! Sparkle Sparkle.
“Never fear my rival, Kakashi, for I, the Great and Mightiest of Youth, the Green Beast of Konohagure Shall Endeavor To Help You Win Your Honorable, Beloved, And Most Youthful Iruka Umino-Sensei! Or If I Fail I Shall Bounce Up And Down From Roof Top To Ground To Roof Top Five Thousand Times In One Hour!”
The Hokage was a smart man a brave man but most importantly a very smart man (notice how I say he’s a smart man?). This smart man quickly retreated from the room and pretended, for his sanity’s sake, not to hear what the Magnificent Green Beast had to say or how he goaded Kakashi into following his advice.
PART FOUR - Not Quite The Finale-
Kakashi reread his Icha Icha Sensei novel five more times to try and get a clue as to how he could possibly win his delectable sensei as well as whisk Iruka away from the possessive currently guarding him day and night, Kyuubi-watch dog, his little soldier aka his student, Naruto Uzumaki, currently a kunai in Kakashi’s rear-end.
Kakashi pouted.
The kid would make a fine shinobi. In fact he was winning more points every day. The only thing Naruto needed to learn was how to recognize his true enemies, of which Kakashi was not one of them!
Kakashi continued to pout even as he perused his book from the overhanging branch in the Academy school yard.
Naruto was glaring from the school roof top at his Jounin sensei. Eyes glowing that eerie red. While down below, oblivious as usual, was the lecturing Iruka-sensei currently scolding a less then penitent Sarutobi Konohamaru.
Sasuke Uchiha was slouched in the doorway of the building watching the stand off between jounin sensei and genin student. A waste of time and training. How was Sasuke going to get strong enough to defeat and kill his mass murdering brother, with this major interruption going on?
Sasuke spied his own kunai in the side, Sakura. Sasuke felt a chill run up the back of his spine. Sakura was watching everything with a speculative and quite nasty little gleam in her eye that made even Sasuke shiver in terror. Fan girls! Eeek! Screamed the little boy inside of Sasuke in fear, quaking in terror. She was plotting something. Something along the lines of all fan girls most likely. But what could it be? And for who?
Yes, Sakura was definitely plotting something.
“This is definitely going to need a girls’ touch.” She murmured, rubbing her little hands together in anticipation of her victory to come.
Sasuke decided he needed to go practice alone in the woods, far, far away from team seven for the next couple of days until whatever storm was coming had blown over and things were back to normal around Konohagure.
The only question was; should he kidnap Naruto and save the both of them from Sakura’s evil? Or should he abandon the Dobe to his own misfortune?
Those that abandon their teammates are the worst of scum, the lowest of the low, complete trash. Came Kakashi’s voice in his head. Sasuke sighed. Naruto so deserved whatever it was Sakura was planning for being such a numbskull, and yet, he couldn’t just abandon his teammate. Sasuke may be many things, but scumbag wasn’t one of them. (at least not for this time and in this story)
Meanwhile Iruka felt an entirely uncomfortable itch crawl up his spine as his fate was being contested and thoroughly played with. It felt really creepy to note that there were several familiar chakra signatures all throughout the academy, one of them the infamous super pervert, and all around super hero, Kakashi Hatake, the other the Green Beast, and several genin and chunin, watching the spectacle that was Umino’s current life. Iruka would have felt nervous but he was after all a teacher first and a chunin second, after surviving the academy, his own genin tests and the chunin exams as well as surviving his first few Academy years as a sensei, as well as surviving Naruto as a student, there was very little that Iruka couldn’t handle, but for some strange reason, name it the natural order of all things male and therein, the fear of commitment, something was telling him, he was in danger, big, big danger.
And for the first time in many, many years Iruka decided to listen to that small tiny little boy’s voice inside of his heart that screamed.
“RUN AND HIDE STUPID! RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, RUN, RUN FOR YOUR FREEDOM AND HIDE, HIDE, HIDE.”
With a few swift hand gestures and a swirl of leaf and water evaporating into mist Iruka disappeared and made a run for the safety of a hidden place away from his pursuers.
TBC
The finale coming soon!