Half (?) of a Day in the Life...
We went to the doctor's today, a new doctor, still lamenting how the other one took his life in May. We talk about prehypertension, my father's skin dry and him not understanding the need to drink water. Momma's blood pressure has dropped; she's groggy and doesn't understand. We leave her in the "care" of the housekeeper so we can make at least one appointment today.
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She's lucid, telling me stories of people past. We toddle in the early hours of the morning, finding gifts for twins we'll hopefully see soon. She writes out postcards, throwing away trash that's apparently been collecting in her house for the past seven months.
I realize why I sat on my floor before New Year's to sort through paperwork and continued to toddle throughout my house- this is clearly a Hurt trait.
We discuss the cat, my partner, our family, our money, what we're hoping for in 2016. I see that she's taller, more confident on her feet, brighter than she had been.
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We're both exhausted, me pouring the positive energy into him as we travel back to the Village. It was an exhausting doctor's appointment, trying to suss out the true information from his reality, seeing the difficulty he has in walking but realizing he can do more. The word can't crosses his lips more than I find appropriate.
The doctor rewrites some meds, wants to set up a follow up appointment. As my father hustles to the restroom, I pause and tell the doctor I'm trying to figure out if this is stress-related or something neurocognitive. My father isn't tracking- is it onset dementia? Or just trauma from his wife being gone for three months?
My father will tell you she was gone for six.
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I cover myself up in too fluffy blankets, a puffy cat not appreciating the older cat that prowls around with me. She meows loudly, insinuating that she is, indeed, more important than my trying to free pandas on my Kindle. The tennis ball tries to loosen the tension that been sitting on that nerve today while driving that truck.
I promptly pass out for about three hours.
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We have papers; explanation of benefits, bills coming in, money flowing in and out and I have no idea how much money we actually have at this point until first of the month bills finish clearing after a holiday. My PCP wants hundreds of dollars, and I have no idea what PT is going to cost me. And does Fidget owe his eye doctor?
The dentist called, leaving a message for Fidget to call about his overdue appointment. We table that. Our teeth should be here next year when we have better insurance and can focus on our own healths for awhile.
I have titles, HUDs, tax papers, some bills, and half of my graduate school education down here. My "study" has been taken over by empty boxes, waiting to be filled to be moved into a condo up north. I am sometimes overwhelmed but mostly grounded, realizing that not only can I do this, but I was clinically trained to do this.
My mother drops her coffee cup of soup. I change her into different nightclothes, start more laundry, and then their cat throws up from eating beef noodle soup too quickly. I lay back down on my tennis ball, the bills having to wait until tomorrow.
After the LPN comes.
After we go to the grocery store?
And why are we going clothes shopping?
Eventually, I'll figure out our bills and put us more firmly in the black than this pinkish state we've been living in for over a year. Maybe my paperwork will come through in Maryland and we'll finally have a date for my test, and I'll try to remember how to study.
=====
Being positive can be very, very draining...
... even more so draining when you know how to "properly" do it.
=====
She's lucid, telling me stories of people past. We toddle in the early hours of the morning, finding gifts for twins we'll hopefully see soon. She writes out postcards, throwing away trash that's apparently been collecting in her house for the past seven months.
I realize why I sat on my floor before New Year's to sort through paperwork and continued to toddle throughout my house- this is clearly a Hurt trait.
We discuss the cat, my partner, our family, our money, what we're hoping for in 2016. I see that she's taller, more confident on her feet, brighter than she had been.
=====
We're both exhausted, me pouring the positive energy into him as we travel back to the Village. It was an exhausting doctor's appointment, trying to suss out the true information from his reality, seeing the difficulty he has in walking but realizing he can do more. The word can't crosses his lips more than I find appropriate.
The doctor rewrites some meds, wants to set up a follow up appointment. As my father hustles to the restroom, I pause and tell the doctor I'm trying to figure out if this is stress-related or something neurocognitive. My father isn't tracking- is it onset dementia? Or just trauma from his wife being gone for three months?
My father will tell you she was gone for six.
=====
I cover myself up in too fluffy blankets, a puffy cat not appreciating the older cat that prowls around with me. She meows loudly, insinuating that she is, indeed, more important than my trying to free pandas on my Kindle. The tennis ball tries to loosen the tension that been sitting on that nerve today while driving that truck.
I promptly pass out for about three hours.
=====
We have papers; explanation of benefits, bills coming in, money flowing in and out and I have no idea how much money we actually have at this point until first of the month bills finish clearing after a holiday. My PCP wants hundreds of dollars, and I have no idea what PT is going to cost me. And does Fidget owe his eye doctor?
The dentist called, leaving a message for Fidget to call about his overdue appointment. We table that. Our teeth should be here next year when we have better insurance and can focus on our own healths for awhile.
I have titles, HUDs, tax papers, some bills, and half of my graduate school education down here. My "study" has been taken over by empty boxes, waiting to be filled to be moved into a condo up north. I am sometimes overwhelmed but mostly grounded, realizing that not only can I do this, but I was clinically trained to do this.
My mother drops her coffee cup of soup. I change her into different nightclothes, start more laundry, and then their cat throws up from eating beef noodle soup too quickly. I lay back down on my tennis ball, the bills having to wait until tomorrow.
After the LPN comes.
After we go to the grocery store?
And why are we going clothes shopping?
Eventually, I'll figure out our bills and put us more firmly in the black than this pinkish state we've been living in for over a year. Maybe my paperwork will come through in Maryland and we'll finally have a date for my test, and I'll try to remember how to study.
=====
Being positive can be very, very draining...
... even more so draining when you know how to "properly" do it.