(no subject)

[jazzforjesus]

Oh wow. This is hard. (Sorry, I'm gonna be a little vauge.) I just need a ton of prayer, it's been so hard to stay strong; I feel like God is the only one who knows how I feel, and that can get really frustrating. I want that fire back that was burning in me when I got here. It feels like all this oregon rain has put it out. I feel like I can't breathe, like i'm screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even notices. I guess that's the wrong metaphor to use cuz the last thing I want is attention; I want understanding though. I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes just like everyone else. And while I feel like God is the only one who understands, I can't see how how could be anything but dissapointed in me. I know he still loves me and forgives me, but I also know I dissapoint Him, and that's the last thing I want to do. I really want to shine for Him and be close to Him, but sometimes I feel like I'm drifting. That's the scariest feeling though, because I never want to go back to how my life was before I knew Christ.
My grandparents are coming down tomorrow...that should be really interesting. I'm dreading it but it will all be over soon.

It's amazing how God forgives over and over and over, and never gets tired of picking us up when we fall or annoyed from holding us close as we cry our eyes out, time and time again. He laughs with us and cries with us, and listens to us...that just blows me away. Well I think i'm going to go shave my head and move to chicago and buy a pet monkey. I feel like doing something drastic. Fare thee well!

God's mercy is amazing! He is the Comforter, the Redeemer, our Shelter, out Friend! Praise Him, He is good!